Butch, Dyke, Femme or Lipstick Lesbian?

What Do They Mean and Where Do they Come From?

I’ve been caught out myself quite a few times. I’ve been hanging out with a group of lesbian friends in a bar, catching up on gossip and the latest on off relationships (much like the L Word), when someone surprises me with a term where I just haven’t got a clue what they are on about! I used to nod my head in failing agreement trying to hide the fact that I haven’t got the slightest inkling whether Jane who lives down the street is a Dieseldyke, or not!

It got to the point where I was too afraid to say much in case I made a fool of myself – so, instead of vegging out in front of the TV, I hit the web by storm and researched all the lesbian terms I possibly could so I would never fall into the same trap again. Now I consider myself to be pretty much on par with everyone else, but I thought I would make it easier for you womyn out there who aren’t quite up to scratch by publishing it all right here!

So here it is – my lesbian terms dictionary. I’ve even thrown in some of the origins of words so you can look extra clued up next time your buddies go out for coffee. I haven’t organized it alphabetically, but in groups of terms that have similar meanings.

Women Who Love Women

Boston Marriage
Definition: Old fashioned term describing two unmarried women who shared a house together.
Origins: This originates from the nineteenth century when it was acceptable for two unmarried women to share a house together. It is hard to say how many of these women were lesbians!

Lesbian
Definition: A gay woman. This is often shortened to les or lesbo.
Origins: This term was originally used for natives of the Greek island of Lesbos. An ancient poet called Sappho lived here and wrote many love sonnets to women or describing same sex relationships. It was first used as a term to describe a gay woman in the 1890’s.

Sapphism
Definition: Another term for lesbianism
Origins: Direct origination from the poet Sappho who wrote love sonnets to and about women.

Masculine Vs Feminine

Butch
Definition: Used to describe a lesbian who is masculine in appearance and outlook. Often relates to the way she dresses, the hairstyle, the shoes she wears etc.
Origins: There are conflicting stories as to where this term originated from. Some say it comes from 1930’s America from Butch, a strong and popular man’s name of that time. Others believe it stems from the 1950’s when both in the UK and USA working class lesbian couples dressed as one masculine and one feminine, whilst the middle class preferred to hide behind their feminine demeanor. Another important influence on Butch lesbians comes from the same period in lesbian bars where you were forced to dress Butch or Femme. Such distinction in dress is not as apparent nowadays but when you know someone that prefers power tools to cookery and dresses in comfy men’s clothes then she’s probably a Butch at heart.

Dyke
Definition: Another term for butch.
Origins: This may have originated from the Celtic language, or possibly from the slang word dike used in the nineteenth century which means male clothing. This term is widely accepted in lesbian circles but if a straight person were to call you a dyke this is thought to be offensive!

Bulldyke
Definition: Incredibly masculine lesbian.
Origins: This supports the theory that dyke originates from the Celtic language as Queen Boudicca was around at the time and she was known for being an incredibly powerful woman.

Dieseldyke
Definition: Once again this term means incredibly masculine lesbian, particularly those that drive heavy equipment and trucks.
Origins: Good old 1990’s slang!

Soft Butch
Definition: A lesbian that appears hard and masculine on the outside but has a soft heart! This is a relatively new term.

Baby Dyke
Definition: A young lesbian that’s coming out.

Femme
Definition: A lesbian who dresses in a feminine nature and has a feminine manner. Femmes are said to prefer skirts, flouncy clothes, makeup, and spending inconceivable amounts on their hair. They are the opposites of Butch.
Origins: This originates from the same time as Butch became popular in the 1950’s where lesbians were forced to choose which way they would dress in bars, or the working class lesbian couples chose to dress that way.

Lipstick Lesbian
Definition: Another term for Femme. However it can also mean feminine women who are attracted to other feminine women. It’s also used to describe women who pretend to be lesbians, just for personal gains. For example, where would the porn industry be without all those women who have sex with other women just for the money!
Origins: This is a slang term introduced in the late 1990’s.

Everything In-between!

Androgynous
Definition: A lesbian who is neither masculine nor feminine in appearance or behavior. Universally known as Unisex.

Chapstick Lesbian
Definition: Another term for Androgynous
Origins: Introduced in the late 1990’s to take on all those lipstick lesbians out there!

So there it is; my guide to lesbian terms. Short and simple, I know, but this should certainly keep you up with the rest of the pack. I often think, though, that many of the terms – such as Butch and Femme – relate to what the person is, or appears to be on the outside. All I can say is that I know some women that appear Butch on the outside but are as feminine, and soft, and flouncy, on the inside as any Femmes out there. Maybe some day these terms will evolve to describe personality, and emotions, but for now let’s just be satisfied that we finally understand what everyone’s harping on about!

You’re Not the Only Lesbian in Town!

Whether you’ve grown up all your life in a quiet, sleepy little town and just “Came Out”, or you’ve moved to the back of beyond with your partner, there’s no need to feel that you are the only lesbian – or lesbians – in town! It may seem like a sleepy, little place full of retired citizens and schoolteachers, but there’s a whole underground world out there that you haven’t explored! You’ll be surprised just how many lesbians come out of the woodwork when you know where to look. I reveal the easiest ways to find out what lesbians get up to in your local area and just how to hook up with them!

Look Online for Lesbian Groups
Something of a huge advantage to you is your PC. No home is complete without one nowadays, so get online and search for local lesbian groups in your area. It often happens that lesbians who live in remoter areas outside of major city centre gay and lesbian populations, make friends and meet up regularly by forming groups. They may just be groups that have trips to gay bars and clubs, or they may meet for a specific purpose. For example, there could be some lesbian art classes or lesbian literature groups. Just join one that sounds like your cup of tea; there’s no point in joining an art class if you hate drawing and lack any attention span! Many of them will mail out regular newsletters that you can subscribe to. These newsletters will tell you all the up-and-coming events that you can attend.

Lesbian Holidays
There are lots of companies that help to bring lesbians together by arranging lesbian-only holidays. This may only be camping in your local camp site, or walking in the nearby countryside, but if it gives you an opportunity to meet likeminded people then it’s well worth investigating. These tend to be inexpensive so don’t worry about having to take out a loan to meet other lesbians. All you’ll need is a tent, sleeping bag, and a bit of money towards food and drink, and you’ll probably have the time of your life. You never know, they may be organizing a trip to the next Gay Pride event and what better way to celebrate your sexuality than with new found friends!

Local Lesbian Bars and Clubs
You may laugh when you read this but there will probably be lesbian bars and clubs nearby to you. Sometimes they are secretive, or very well hidden, but they do exist. Once again you should use the internet as your resource as this will be able to tell you where the nearest bars and clubs are in your area – it may take you a few minutes, or a few days, to find these online, but, if you search long and hard enough, you will find them. If it feels a bit daunting heading out on your own then take a gay-friendly straight friend. They’ll probably have a whale of a time, and it will give you the opportunity to meet new people and mix in with lesbian crowds. You never know, people who you actually know may even be there; you just never knew they were lesbians!

Internet Chat Rooms
There are a lot of people out there that feel isolated from the lesbian world because of where they live, and many of them turn to internet chat rooms to find solace and comfort. However, once they step inside their first chat room they find that there are several people who live within a few miles radius of their own home chatting away! This can be a really useful way to make new friends, and potential partners. Just make sure that you can trust them implicitly before arranging to meet with them – as there can be some very sad and strange people online. You will also find that many lesbian chat rooms have message boards where you can add your own message. Why not try putting up your own asking for contact from people who live in your neck of the woods? You’ll be surprised just how many people reply!

Lesbian Magazines
You should also subscribe to lesbian magazines. They will be full of articles to keep you up to date with what’s going on in the world of lesbianism – and, quite often, they have events pages or pages of people looking for friends or relationships. You may even stumble across an advert for a local lesbian group. It’s well worth the few dollars it will cost you once a month!

Set Up Your Own
Alternatively, if all else fails and you just can’t find a group that appeals to you, or is even close by, then why not set up on your own? It’s not difficult! Offer a newsletter, set up a mini website or blog, and wait for local lesbians to start contacting you. You may need to advertise in local papers, or national magazines, if you want to organize trips or events, but you’ll be surprised just how many people will want to join!

There are so many lesbians that live near to you; you just don’t know it yet!

Lesbian Relationships

Unlike a heterosexual relationship, a lesbian relationship provides more freedom than restrictions. However, eventually every lesbian relationship suffers from one common drawback: the fear of society in which one has to survive. All relationships are based on love, understanding and expectations. The same holds true for lesbian relationships. A difference of opinion occurs on grounds of whether or not the lesbian identity should be concealed from the society. Insecurity builds up if one of the partners opts to conceal the relationship from the society. Even if a lesbian couple overcomes the homophobia factor, there are other relevant issues regarding the social background, attitudes and most importantly the age difference between both the partners. In order to make any relationship a success, both the individuals need to provide enough space to each other. This might create a problem if one of the partners is dominating in nature. The other partner might feel rejected due to such demanding tendencies. It therefore becomes obvious that both the partners need to get fine tuned with each other’s behavioral patterns.

There is a common saying that “no two fingers are alike”. Unnecessary differences can lead to depression and unwanted conflicts. In case a conflict does arise, the best possible solution is to talk about it and resolve the issue there and then. To assume that time would become a healing factor can lead to inevitable break up of the relationship. One of the partners might not have an understanding nature. In such a case, it becomes the sole responsibility of the other partner to revive the existing relationship and give a new meaning to it. One must not forget that there are numerous social elements that make a lesbian relationship a hard ship to sail. If both the partners feel that there is a need of involving a mutually trusted friend to resolve the conflict, they should go ahead and do so. Usually a third person can judge better which one of the two partners is more demanding and dominating.

At the end, what needs to be remembered is that it’s always better to forgive and forget the mistakes of the one you love. Yes, this is tough, but good things don’t come that easily. The need to avoid a break up increases manifolds if the relationship is known in the society. It becomes the moral responsibility of both the partners to become strength of each other, rather than becoming a weakness. The amount of love, caring and understanding is required more in case of a lesbian relationship as compared to any heterosexual relationship.