Gay and Coming Out of the Closet

There are few set rules to this often harrowing experience, mostly there are merely guidelines based on the experiences of others, but from the knowledge of many of those experiences, including my own, this article has been written with an aim to help those considering “coming out”. Of the few rules there are, one hard and fast one is to always do what you think is best for you – but to do it considerately.

Another is that before even contemplating coming out to anyone, especially to your family, you do need to be absolutely sure in yourself that you really are gay. Don’t base anything on just a few pleasurable experiences you may have had with someone of the same sex.

Straight people do sometimes experiment (as many as two in every five males will have same-sex at some time in their lives – statistics that are a blessing to many a gay man) and they do often enjoy it – so be thoroughly sure before dropping what to some people might be a bombshell! Few will thank you later for a: “Whoops! I got it wrong!” Once you have completely accepted that you are gay then the whole coming out issue raises its ugly head.

You will find yourself questioning:

Do I really need to tell anyone? Should I try to keep it a secret?

Should I tell my parents? And if so – both of them, or just one of them – at least at first?

How about my brothers and sisters; the rest of the family; and my friends – should they all be told?

Then there’s the people at work – do they need to know?

Each person’s situation will be different, and only they will have the best idea of who, if anybody, they should tell. Some people will feel it is best to tell everyone – others to tell no-one. Some won’t want to tell either one, or both, of their parents because they “know” it would devastate them, or they would simply never understand, whilst others may conclude it is best to keep it under wraps at work.

With friends, especially close ones, you may think you know who you could, and who you could not, confide in. It is you and you alone who will be the best judge of each situation, but you will need to have done some groundwork on which to base your conclusions. An obvious way if you are unsure of someone is to pass a casual non-judgemental comment on something gay that is in the newspaper or on the television (there’s usually something around most times) to see how they react.

If you do decide to come out to someone, then this is no time to rush into anything. You will need to pick a good time to tell them – a time when neither of you are busy or are likely to be disturbed. Don’t be tempted to undertake the task when you, or they, are the worse for drink. Don’t prepare a speech or a lecture full of baffling statistics – just try to be your usual self and converse as you normally would.

Do try to get it across that your coming out changes nothing, that you are still exactly the same person you were before telling them, and that the only one thing that has changed is that they now know your true sexuality. Assure them that you still love them / like them / need them the same as you always have done, and tell them that you hope upon hope that they can come to terms with your sexuality and accept you for what you really are, just as you had to.

Do be prepared for questions, some of which you may not know the answers to – in which case be honest; don’t attempt to blag it. And do be prepared for the unexpected; for things to go badly wrong. They don’t often, but they can. If you are living with parents and you decide to tell them, then no matter how sure you may be that they will take it okay, it is sensible to have somewhere else lined up where you could stay for a while – just in case.

This is one reason why my advice for anyone under sixteen is to wait until they are old enough to leave home. That way there are no legal complications if it all goes terribly wrong, life becomes unbearable, and they need to spend a few nights away from home. A major reason for a lot of people coming out is to stop all those embarrassing questions like: “When are you going to find a nice girl and settle down?” As this doesn’t usually apply to anyone in their early teens, a time when most lads still go “out with the boys” and anything they might do is likely to be seen as a fad or a mere phase that they are going through, it is probably prudent to wait for a few years.

But whatever age you are, if you do come out and it does all go tits up it is imperative that you don’t get into a heated argument or a full blown row – be man enough to walk away. A little time will often improve matters, so make sure you stay in touch. Never burn your bridges. Worrying about how coming out might affect you, the way it may affect others sometimes gets overlooked.

Here’s a few issues regarding your parents that you may need to understand and address: It is natural for mothers to eagerly look forward to their grandchildren and, especially if you are an only child, they may feel they are going to miss out on a large part of their lives. Occasionally a father may feel that his masculinity has been put in question by producing a gay son and there may be some, albeit even subconscious or hidden, resentment that you have made it public knowledge.

Your parents, searching for a reason, may come to believe that you are gay directly as a result of them raising you incorrectly – they may hold themselves responsible and feel guilty. Unless you’re cruel and don’t care about your parents, these issues need addressing with a lot of love and support. Keep them involved in your life as much as possible, let them see that you are happy with your lifestyle, and be involved in their lives too, but do respect their wishes when it comes to meeting your gay boyfriends – some will want to meet them; some won’t in the early days but will come around to it later; and just a few will wish to carry on as if nothing had been said – with the word “gay” never mentioned again in front of them.

In the event the coming out to your parents goes really badly, despite any animosity you need to remember (for they will) that you are still their son. They may hate your lifestyle, they may not understand it, they may not be able to come to terms with it, but they will always love you as their son even though they may tell you different and not be showing it at that time.

Don’t give up on trying to build bridges – one day one will probably reach them. Whilst it is possible to come out to your parents, and sometimes even to the wider family, without others including your friends knowing about you, the reverse may not necessarily be as true. Unless you live away from your family and nobody that knows you works (goes to college / uni) where you do, in time there is a likelihood that rumour or word will get back to someone you would have preferred not to have known.

It only takes one friend to unwittingly tell someone, perhaps someone who has revealed an interest in you, that you bat for the other side for the word to spread like wildfire as they do their “Did you know…?” bit to all their friends and family. Remember: once you have come out, even if it is to only one person, you no longer have a secret and you must be prepared for others to find out about you at any time. For this reason I have always considered it best to come out to everybody, but you may feel differently.

There are some people who, when they weigh it all up, decide it is best for their circumstances to keep their sexuality a total secret and to not come out at all. It can work, but it’s not without some consequences. For years these people will have to suffer family and friends frequently asking them when they are going to meet the right girl and settle down. In time they may even find that strange liaisons are being arranged as they are invited to dinner parties and paired off at the table with an endless stream of left on the shelf girls.

It can all get a bit embarrassing, and when that doesn’t work, and there’s still no girlfriend in sight, at least one person will at some time come right out with it and ask them point blank if they are gay. What then? Do they lie to them, and thereafter really live a lie? And if they do, how do they feel about lying to their friends and family – those people who love them?

Sometimes not coming out can be as hard as actually coming out – only it lasts longer! I have particularly covered coming out to the parents and family most in this article because I believe them to be the most important – you cannot change your family whereas your friends you can, and probably will, change many times throughout your lifetime. If a friend can’t accept your sexuality, then how good a friend are they?

You are better off finding another friend. And anyway, if you’ve come out, or are coming out, you’ll probably already have a lot of gay friends, or be seeking them, so the loss of an old friend won’t matter that much. Every year gay people are accepted a little more, and so every year it becomes a little easier for those considering coming out. Nevertheless to most faced with the task the experience can still be very unnerving – a little like a first flight in an aircraft or a first solo performance on stage to a massive audience, but more so.

You know it’s all been done before; it’s done on a daily basis and rarely does anything go wrong. You know by all the odds that afterwards you will feel relieved, and proud of yourself – but even knowing all that doesn’t help you much. Some of the ways I benefited from coming out may help you: There was an instant relief that I didn’t have to hide anything anymore – I could be my true self.

No more did I have to look over my shoulder and scan the street before going into a gay pub; no more did I have to check out who was in WH Smiths before buying the Gay Times; no more did the pictures on my walls have to reflect the straight world – up went the hunks! And no more did I have to cringe in horror in case someone I knew saw the obvious camp queen cooeying hello across the street at me.

Then there was the pleasure of being able to tell a girl who had been after getting the pants off me for months that I was gay, instead of coming up with yet another excuse why we shouldn’t be doing it, and an even greater pleasure in putting on an outrageously camp voice (it’s not the usual me) to a good friend’s over-sexed and persistent wife who once more was playing tootsies under the table. “Dhaaarling! I’m gay and I don’t do fish suppers!” I screamed. He looked; she fled – and I was never bothered again.

Getting back to the more serious side, being completely out it was no surprise to anyone when I turned up at all the works parties with my male partner. No more did I have to find excuses and miss out on such things – it also started a bit of a trend as two others began to bring their male partners along too! And with my partner, as an out gay couple, we were able to go to both of our respective family’s celebrations, weddings, funerals and Christmas parties as a part of that family.

You could say that coming fully out allowed us to enjoy a normal life similar to that of any heterosexual couple – apart from that what we did in bed. All our neighbours accepted us. They loved our gay parties and barbecues to which we always invited them (some would even help out with the cooking and the preparations – we were no fools!) and they in return would invite us and many of our gay friends to their parties.

I cannot imagine living my life in any other way than being totally out and honest. What you see is what you get, and if you don’t like it – tough! I know that not everybody will feel that my way could be their way, but if they are considering it and think it might be for them then I am living proof that it can work.

There is so much I would not have done, and so much life I would have missed out on, had I remained even partially in the closet. A few tips: It will be easier to come out if you already have gay friends who will help and support you. If you have a boyfriend who is happy to come out with you (or is already out) it will be even easier.

If you are setting up home with a partner, and you are out to your parents, get your mothers to help you move in – they’ll do all the outing needed to the neighbours and give you a “legitimacy” – you’ll have no problems. Finally, and I believe the most important tip of all: Always try to live your life with compassion, but the way that YOU want to live it. It is your life and yours alone – and you are only given the one. To waste even a moment of it is to miss so much. Be lucky!

M. Knell

This article has been written by a gay man, one who has been out to all for most of his lifetime and during which time he has been a supporter of the Campaign for LGBTI+ Equality.

Where Is Gay Marriage Legal?

Gay marriages, often also referred to as same-sex marriages, have been a contentious issue all over the world, especially in countries, where both the debate and debaters are to interact at a very public forum. Over the years, many arguments have been put forward in support of and against the legalization of gay marriages, each based upon by a volley of opinions coming from different schools of thought.

When examining the nature of debate over the question of legality regarding gay marriages, there are three main generic divisions within which the arguments regulate – biological, social and religious. If we consider the biological debate, the arguments from each side are not unexpectedly novel or unique. Those opposed to gay marriage argue that homosexuality is against the natural norms of procreation. The male and female species are anatomically designed to interact physically in harmony to lead to the creation of human off-springs. In that sense, the sexual interaction between the same sexes is against the laws of nature, and thus unacceptable in the social context of a healthy living community. On the other hand, gay activists propose that for those people who do not consider the lack of ability to procreate a set-back in any way, a homosexual relationship and its legal acceptance should not be an issue. While there are multiple sub-clauses to these arguments as well, the gist of the divergence lies in the question of procreation.

The social and religious facets of this debate concerning same-sex marriages are largely so interlinked. People of the Catholic religious tradition belief that homosexuality is against the tenets of the Bible. Thus, those involved in gay relationships are in complete violation of the Christian religious ideology.

l. Therefore, homosexuality and its legal sanction is not in any way a rejection or violation of any religious sensibilities. Either way, since there is no way in which to come upon an interpretation of the Bible that shall be acceptable to both the anti-gay and pro-gay sects of the agenda, it is hard to reach any nature of conclusion on this aspect of debate.

The social aspect of the debate on homosexuality is somewhat linked with both the biological and religious debate. Those who are not in favor of legalizing of gay marriage argue that since homosexuality is ‘unnatural’ and ‘a desecration of Christian Dictates’, legalizing same-sex unions shall lead to the spread of this socio-sexual anomaly in society. Providing legal sanction to same-sex marriages shall cause more and more people to believe that homosexuality is not a deviation from what is healthy and desirable, thus leading to the degradation of society. Those in support of the legalizing gay marriage argue that sexual orientation may be either an inherent preference or a personal life-style choice. Either way, any free individual should be at liberty to indulge in a relationship of homosexual nature, just as people can free have heterosexual relationships. Since gay people are not in any way less human than heterosexuals, and nor do their relationships have lesser or more sanctity than those of the latter, there is no reason why their marital union should not be illegal.

While there is no end to the debate on homosexuality and its legal sanction. While the judicial response has been varied in different regions, there is a general trend of homosexuality gaining more acceptances over the past decade.

1. In 2001, the Netherlands became the first country to legalize same-sex marriages.
2. Belgium followed suit in 2003 and granted equal rights to same-sex married couples.
3. Canada, In 2005, the Canadian Parliament passed legislation making same-sex marriage legal nationwide.
4. Spain, Also in 2005, a closely divided Spanish parliament agreed to do the same.
5. After South Africa‘s highest court ruled the country’s marriage laws violated the constitution’s guarantee of equal rights, parliament legalized same-sex marriage in 2006.
6. In 1993 Norway allowed gay couples to enter civil unions, but it took until 2008 for a Norway to pass a gender-neutral marriage law.
7. In 2009, Sweden voted overwhelmingly in favor of legalizing same-sex marriage.
8. Iceland‘s parliament voted unanimously to legalize same-sex marriage in 2010.
9. Portugal has also allowed same-sex marriage since 2010, after legislation was originally challenged by the country’s president.
10. In 2010, Argentina became the first Latin American country to allow same-sex marriage.
11. Denmark‘s legalization came in 2012 after Queen Margrethe II gave her royal assent to the proposed legislation.
12. Uruguay passed legislation allowing same-sex marriage in 2013.
13. In 2013, New Zealand became the first country in the Asia-Pacific to legislate for same-sex marriage.
14. President Francois Hollande signed a measure legalizing marriage equality in France in 2013.
15. Brazil’s National Council of Justice ruled that same-sex couples should not be denied marriage licenses in 2013, allowing same-sex marriages to begin across the country.
16. England and Wales became the first countries in the UK to pass marriage equality in 2014.
17. Scotland voted overwhelmingly in favor of of legalizing same-sex marriage later in 2014.
18. Luxembourg overwhelmingly approved legislation to allow gay and lesbian couples to wed and to adopt children that went into effect in 2015.
19. Finland approved a marriage equality bill in 2014.
20. Ireland became the first country to legalize same-sex marriage through a popular vote in 2015.
21. Greenland, the world’s biggest island, passed same-sex legislation in 2015.
22. The United States Supreme Court made marriage equality federal law in 2015.
23. Colombia became the fourth Latin American country to legalize same-sex marriage in 2016.
24. In 2017, Germany became the 15th European country to allow same-sex couples to wed.
25. In 2017, nearly all of Malta‘s parliament voted in favor of legalizing same-sex marriage.
26. Australia legalized same-sex marriage in 2017 after lawmakers enacted the will of the majority of citizens who overwhelmingly voted for the measure by postal vote.
27. Taiwan made history on May 24, 2019, becoming the first place in Asia to pass laws on marriage equality.
28. Ecuador‘s highest court approved same-sex marriage in a 5-4 ruling.
29. Costa Rica became the first Central American country to legalize same-sex marriage on May 26, 2020.

The column contains personal comments.

Tips to Help Gay & Bisexual Men About Dating & Relationships

10 Tips to Help Gay and Bisexual Men Make Better Choices About Dating and Relationships

“Check in” with yourself to understand what’s behind your motivation for dating or being in a relationship. How much are you affected by others’ opinions of you based on whether you’re single? Do you feel more alive when you’re involved with another guy? Are you genuinely attracted to this guy? Are you reacting to feeling lonely or rejected?

Identify what kinds of experiences have been satisfying when dating or being in a relationship in the past… and what has left you wanting something else. How you’ve felt about past experiences can direct you to what will work for you in the future.

Get in touch with what you value, what you need and what you desire in another guy and in a relationship. Without this awareness, you may well make choices that don’t satisfy what’s really important to you. This is your life… follow your bliss!

Recognize that dating or being in a relationship makes demands on you – and not only time, effort and sacrifice – it demands that you reveal who you are to another guy. It’s important to know how prepared you are to do this at this time in your life.

Timing is (almost!) everything… are you really ready to date or be in a relationship? Or are difficult life circumstances – dealing with significant health changes, substance use, experiencing oppression, grief over a loss, etc. – stressing your ability to handle the additional challenges of connecting with another guy?

Be aware of the power balance between you and the other guy. If you feel you have little power, how will you be able to negotiate what you need or desire? If you feel you have most of the power in a relationship (not an easy thing to recognize!), will you be able to really hear what the other guy wants or desires?

People change over time… and so do relationships… particularly in the early stages of getting to know someone. It’s important to be prepared for the natural evolution of relationships — and the first step towards this is to accept that change is inevitable.

Before you begin to date or start a relationship, make sure friends and family are there for support – you’ll appreciate them helping you celebrate the highs and deal with the lows!

Recognize you have a choice in saying “yes” or “no” in any situation – and that choosing to be single is a choice.

Be prepared for the feeling that dating or being in a relationship is not always easy! Many dates do not lead to an ongoing relationship and most relationships you’re in will not be the “final one” (if this was true, we would all still be in our 1 st relationship!)

Lesbian seeking gay man for marriage

The app, called Queers, allows gay men to connect to a network of over 4000 lesbians in order to enter into a ‘co-operative marriage’.

The agreement which is referred to as a ‘xinghun’ in China, operates much like the Western notion of a beard, whereby a person may date someone in order to conceal their sexuality.

Users of the app have explained a xinghun allows them to continue with the appearance of heterosexuality and conceal their sexuality from oftentimes conservative parents.

Although China decriminalised homosexuality in 1997, many of the nation’s older generation still view being lesbian or gay as a mental illness (China removed the classification of homosexuality as a mental disorder in 2001).

Founder of Queers, Liao Zhuoying said since the app launched two weeks ago, he has had over 10,000 users sign up.

Liao said Queers was a by-product of his company’s dating and meet-up apps, Gaypark and Lespark. He told the South China Post he had noticed a section of gay men were searching for lesbian wives whilst on his sites so he conducted a survey to canvas the needs of his community and Queers was born…

Online Gay Dating Safety

Much as I think online dating services are a great way to meet men, there is to a degree a darker side to these places. But then, you could also say the same about any other place that men go to meet other men.

However, one of the things about online dating services, pick up spots, chat lines and other similar places, is that quite often one is given either complete anonymity or the sense of anonymity.

Being anonymous can be nice, but with it comes an element of risk when it comes to finding dates online.

Personally, I have never had any major problems arise from meeting with guys that I’ve found on the Internet.

One of the reasons for such good fortune is because I’ve always used a pretty selective process in just who I’ll meet. I’ll admit that I haven’t always gone out with great guys as a result but I have been able to eliminate the truly questionable guys.

Lets face it; all sorts of people log onto the Internet and some of those people are just plain creepy to say the least.

I do know people that haven’t been as lucky as me. Fortunately, none of them met with actual violence. They did receive threats though; which was scary enough.

I’ve read a lot of “rules for dating safely” and here’s the problem I have with most of them…They’re mostly one sided.

For instance, it’s a little much to expect a guy to give you their phone number, (home and/or work) so that you can verify their story and existence, if you’re not willing to do the same. A lot of these tips or “rules” tell you to do just that — get their info but don’t give out your’s.

Here’s my general rule of thumb…If you’re not willing to divulge some aspect of your life or a specific about yourself; don’t expect to receive that type of information from the other guy.

The best piece of advice I can give you and one of the few hard and fast “dating safety rules” that I’ll give, is to use your best judgment and exercise some common sense; regardless of how you meet other men.

Other Safety Tips You Might Want To Consider:

• Ask for a recent photo of the guy; if you’ve got questions in your mind ask for photo ID.

A friend of mine was starting to have serious questions about a guy they had been chatting to online…When asked for photo ID, the guy emailed my friend an obviously doctored driver’s license. The friend decided not to meet the guy and the threats started pouring in…

• Agree to meet in a mutually chosen location; one that has a lot of other people around.

• Let someone know that you’re going on a date with someone you’ve just met. Give them, (a friend possibly) the “Who, What, Where, When” details.

• Write the details of your date down on a piece of paper and stick it to your fridge or someplace that people will find if the worst actually happens.

• Try and find out a little about the other guys background or life; that way you can look for any inconsistencies either before or during the actual date.

• Don’t go someplace or do something that you’re not comfortable with.

• Trust your gut instincts! If something feels or sounds fishy; don’t ignore it. Actually, this rule isn’t optional — this is the second hard and fast rule that I’ll give.

Remember, going on a date and meeting guys online is supposed to be fun but be careful out there so that you can keep on having fun meeting neat, interesting and sexy guys.

Gay Dating

Life is full of drudges and undeserved, I assure you, but there is still time this minute to whet your spear, cure your weakness, and make yourself a hero once again!

Dating for gays is a pesky dilemma. The hours you spend hunta’ the one (one more than one, in some cities) is meant to be consumed by the company you keep and the outings you create together (fect)! Yet when your muscles have gone tired and your heart has gone clammy, it may be best to deliver yourself unto the acquaintance just as a spear on a painted stone, an arrow at the ready. Do it Quick, but do it timidly. Dating for gays must not be grises en hautescé (hideous?) but instead, a fashion in progress. In other words, don’t try to be fresh as a daisy but instead, show the sausage coming at all.

Dating for gays does not have to be time-consuming but it sure does demand patience. It takes a lot of perseverance but then, the prospective of a true relationship will forever remain a hot potato in the mind.

Dating for gays does not have to be complicated, but it sure does demand its due. It is said that the first impression is the only impression, but shouldn’t that be applied to the various other possible aspects of a person’s personality? Coming late to an agreed meeting because you arrived at the wrong venue, a mistaken set-up or even a misstep on your part can be unforgivable. Being a person able to blend into any aspect of society while being an ardent and confident flirt is also something to be admired. Coming from a gay perspective, perhaps it can be generalized that,

1) being a closet hater is not the basis for dating;

2) self- trilogying is not acceptable when it comes to a good correspondence; and

3) hiding your sexual preference is a measure of emotional insecurity.

Dating for gays does not have to be painful. Hanging out a little bit, staying in the same part of the club, and even a orthodox wedding can give the gay individual an additional slew of confidence that is most sorely needed during the times when the individual is at his most comfortable. Alright, so the end of the date may have gone well, but the dating gay works his way through the miles to attain his goal during the initial stages of the relationship.

It’s an ironic phenomenon that the dating style adopted by so many gay individuals is one of the most common ways through which laziness has set in. Whenever every other person is having fun, catching the bar camper with his top on or coming in late for a screening, and yet when he stays loyal to the club he belongs to, his peers declare him as a guy who belongs in the “gal pal’s” circle, and not in the “woman’s” one.

No matter what method you may use to finally meat up for your chosen meat, be it a dance club, bar or as we, the ever righteous generation of gay, love to call it, the pleasure of dating for gays is to be found. Though hearing them say that love is blind, it seems that the ultimate Blind Faith gives the gay individuals the confidence to go on a sizzle.

Written by AI

The Female Attraction to Gay Men

However some of what seems to be positive attention about gay males seems to be negative in context. For example most females who view gay male dating is geared towards long lasting relationships. The idea that women engage in gay male dating for a short term sexual encounter and then expect the men to offer marriage in the next heat of the moment is a myth. It is further suggested that being gay is a poor choice of lifestyle because there is a higher than average failure rate in gay male relationships.

When viewing hit television shows, it is interesting that the gay male character is never the normalverse, whether it be through on-screen as well as off-screen relationships. Remember the resistance that gay males are met with, their families and peers does nothing to encourage them to fall in love with the partner they perceive them selves to be with. They usually must put up with the humiliation of being bread winners and providers in communities which they perceive themselves to be inferior. Whilst being Labrador to cute and loving pets and attending puppy HAS outings, the straight females are lesbians and have girlfriends for company and in comfort. It might be a comical picture but the gay male is usually left out in relation to the heterosexual dating partner. Lesbian couple is seen as being petite and delightsome and not the strong yet tender gender we perceive the gay male to be at times. Relationships are tiring and hard work and can be a hassle and a challenge and in the end, most daters opt badly for love over the partner that they perceive as being better for them.

Love is what a person must have for itself in order to give it the life to give to another person. Sometimes when the partner you have chosen is not falling for you, it is consideredImproper, and many millions of dollars is paid each year to settle claims out of court or tooodlesome couplewrong couplesout of relationships, where each of them thought that their pile controller was better than relational authority. These people have been exploited and thoroughly miserable. Con artists exploit human sentiments, love, trust, sexual preferences and family values using motives of greed. The burden of emotions like love is lighter for them than for individuals who are lonely or contented with their alternate lives. These people are less likely to engage in risky behaviors related to sexual behaviors and are less likely than heterosexuals to have homeless partners, or to engage in risk taking behaviors that could later lead to death.

It is mandatory that parents, together with a life partner, encourage their children to marry within their own sex and to reject social pressure to have sex with an extra gender. It is also mandatory that each individual family member acknowledge that the decision to have sex must be made by two people who have been interacting for some time and who are comfortable with each other, with the understanding that the couple does not know everything about each other. A child, and a single mother in particular, does not need the pressure from his or her father, or the fear of losing his father’s approval, or the rumors from neighborhood, school, work, and in the temperature of public opinion to convince a decision that is not theirs to make. The child, and the single mother in particular, should be able to speak freely and clearly with each other about the desires of the child and the relationship the couple has….

Gay Dating Tips: First Date Tips for Shy Guys

Going out on your first date with a guy or meeting a guy for the first time can be a bit of a nerve racking experience, especially if your one of those shy guys.

Let me tell you something; I’m one of those shy guys. But, this is one shy guy who decided that unless he did something about it, he was never going to get laid or have a boyfriend if he didn’t get out there.

Here’s my short list of the things that I have done or used in order to get over shyness, meet interesting guys and have a “successful first date”.

But first, I’ve got to tell you, that I consider every date that I’ve ever gone on a success. Why? For starters, I’m still alive to talk and write about it. And because every date, no matter how lousy or dull was a learning experience and one more date that I DID go on.

The important thing is to get out there and start meeting guys; start making friends and get off the couch or out of your bedroom.

6 Tips for Your Successful First Date

1. Have confidence in yourself, your abilities and that the date will go well.

Guys are attracted to guys who have or exude confidence. Confidence is about knowing who you are, what you want and knowing that you’ll get it.

2. Don’t think of it as a date, think of it as meeting someone interesting, for lunch, dinner, drinks, coffee, or whatever it is you plan to do. By throwing away the “date” label you can get down to just having a pleasant outing with the guy with no “date expectations”.

3. Relax and just be you. Trying to conjure up some sort of false persona is pointless, you might impress yourself for a second or two and maybe even the other guy for a moment; until he figures out its all hype or “bull”.

It’s OK to be you and if the other guy isn’t interested in you it’s no big deal, because there’s thousands and thousands of gay men out there.

4. Arrive a little bit early. I like to arrive at places a little early for a variety of reasons, but I’ve found it a helpful habit if I’m feeling a bit nervous or shy too.

When you’re going out to a restaurant or a coffee shop, if you arrive a bit early you can go to the washroom without deserting your date, compose yourself, fix your hair, wash those sweaty palms and relieve yourself if necessary.

Arriving a little early or exactly on time also means that you won’t be rushed and you won’t be puffing out excuses as to why you were late. It just makes things easier and less stressed initially.

5. Dress for the occasion and location. You don’t need to look like a Queer Eye for the Straight Guy makeover, but if you dress nicely and appropriately for the occasion and the location, you’ll not only look great, you’ll feel great. You’ll be confident that you’re in the right attire for wherever it is you’re going out to.

And now, for my ultimate not-so-secret dating tip for shy guys…

6. Wear your “power underwear” when you go out on a date, especially your first date. If you don’t have a pair of “power underwear”, get some. The idea is to get something that makes you feel incredibly powerful and sexy.

I find that thongs in purple, red or black, fit the bill for my power underwear. They allow you to feel and be powerful, sexy, flirty, and confident; all the things you need on a date.

It doesn’t matter if you don’t end up in the sack or on the floor later on in the evening. Power underwear is something that can give the shy guy that extra little edge.

Wishing you joy and dating success!

An Arab Gay Experience

I was molested by several men when I was a child. When I became a teenager I became very religious and tried to block my gay fantasies, something which proved to be very difficult. At the same time I was reading a lot of English language publications, such as Time, Newsweek and the Economist. There, I found gay culture and at 19 I decided that I was gay. It took another year for my first adult sexual encounter.

I was in medical school at the University of Jordan. We were studying ophthalmoscopy, the science of how to examine someone’s eyes. A colleague proposed that we go to a separate room in the hospital to practice on each other, and we did.

Instead of looking at my eyes he landed at my neck and mouth kissing and biting. I said no but I meant yes. This started a sexual relationship. However, since he was the active partner, he considered himself straight and me gay. There was a little of psychological abuse there.

We lived at the second circle. I started walking at night like most people of the time between the first and third circles. Soon, I discovered people driving slowly behind me and would also follow me into side streets. One guy picked me up and we had sex that night. At the end, he offered me a five dinar bill. I felt like a prostitute and I threw the money in his face. He did not mean harm but I took an offence at it. The guy met me several times after that, I think he liked me but I could never forgive him and he knew it.

All my Arab encounters were with men who were either married or who married later. I felt that to be gay in a western sense is not yet an Arab idea. This was in the years 1983-1989. Please remember the confidentiality issue since I am not out to my family, although I think that they know.

The Following Was received by e-mail from a gay Arab

30.7.98 N.S. @ Ahbab

7 Things Every Gay Should Take On A Date

Here are a few suggestions or tips, on what to take with you on a date. (These dating tips are in no particular order…).

1. Your humor – A must. Guys don’t want to go out with sour-pusses.

2. Condoms and lube. You never know, but it’s best to be prepared. Personally, I try to refrain from sex on the first date, as I’ve found it helpful to make the guy wait – Drive him crazy with anticipation.

3. Wear clean, neat, tidy and appropriate clothes. It’s really amazing just how many guys think they can get away with dirty underwear, shoes that are falling apart, or looking like a construction worker when they go to a really fancy restaurant. Take pride in your appearance.

4. A couple of questions or topics that you can talk about or use as conversation starters or conversation bridges.

5. Breath mints – Keep your breath fresh and pleasant please.

6. Pen & Paper – I rarely go anywhere without these; great for jotting down and exchanging email addresses, phone numbers, Instant Message handles, websites…

7. Emergency money. Long ago, I learned the value of taking change with me for pay phones. If you get in a bind you can call a friend or a relative. Of course if you’ve got a cell phone – even better. Just remember to turn it off so that you’re paying attention to your date and not to all those people who just have to call you. I’ve also found it helpful to carry enough cash to pay for at least my portion of any meal – even if I’ve been told that “it’s on him”.

Wishing you joy and success on your dates,

Gay Chat Rooms

Gay chat rooms, Some guys love them, others loathe them. I’ll admit that I haven’t been active in the chat rooms for a few years. However, before I set about to writing this article I decided to cruise by a few chat rooms to see what the scoop is these days… Nothing much has really changed since my chat days; which could be a good thing or not.

Chat rooms can be a good way to meet new guys. Sometimes these virtual meetings and hookups can actually lead to meeting guys in the flesh. I’ve actually made it that far a couple of times. Where things go from there, well, that’s up to you and the guy you happen to meet with.

More often than not though, chat rooms tend to be a good place for a virtual quickie, or a good place to just socialize and chat with someone new about anything or nothing in particular. In my experience and observations, the emphasis tends to be on the virtual quickies and the hunt for virtual quickies.

Timing is everything — I’ve been to chat rooms that are totally crowded and rocking. When I went back a day later — the same room would be totally dead. It all depends on the time of day or night, just how active the chat room will be and where in the world the guys are chatting from.

By the way, most of the dating services that I recommend have chat rooms for their members. The chat rooms tend to be text based chat rooms were it’s one big free for all, with the ability to create a little private room for one-on-one text chats. Some also offer one-on-one video chat services.

One of the things that I’ve noticed lately about the various portals that offer chat rooms is that in order to participate fully or to be able to use the full range of features that the site uses, prospective members are encouraged to upgrade their free chat accounts to a paid account.

In fact, at MSN chat, which had quite a number of gay chat rooms, it doesn’t look like free members can do anything anymore other than lurk in the corner and watch people chat. You hd got to upgrade to a premium chat account which happens to also give you a premium Hotmail account.

One of the reasons that the chat room providers are starting to charge money is to help cut down on the spammers who like to do fly by advertising in chat rooms. Chat rooms tend to be really expensive to run too as they use a lot of bandwidth and processes.

In any event, I’ve been out collecting links to gay chat rooms, which I’ll list here. I’m working on a more comprehensive list or directory of places to chat and I’ll post it to this website when it’s completed.

(For those guys that don’t know, Chat and Forums are two different things. Chat is real time, whilst forums are message boards where the conversation, topic or posts can last for quite some time.)

Short List of A Few Popular Gay Chat Sites & Chat Rooms:

All of these chat sites require registration — some may cost extra for full benefits.

• Discort Gay Chat — Yes, there’s also quite a few gay chats going on here. See my note above…

• Free Chat Now— Yes, there’s lots of gay chats and networking going on here.

• Telegram Gay Chat— Predominately straight chat portal with quite a few gay chat rooms and chat boards.

• Slack Gay Chat — Predominately straight chat portal with quite a few gay chat rooms and chat boards. Look in the Adult and Romance areas for the gay chat rooms…

Also, check out my recommended dating sites for more chat rooms. I should also mention that many of the gay community sites that I feature at my gay links site have chat rooms as well.

Now go and have yourself a bit of fun!

Finding Out Where All the Gay Men Are

One of the problems that a lot of guys have and are asking me about is where they can find other gay men — besides at the online personals sites.

Most of the guys that ask this question have one or more of the following characteristics:

1. They live in a smaller city, when compared to the BIG cities.

2. They’re usually not “Out” or they’ve only been out for a short while and don’t have many gay friends.

3. They think they’re the only gay person in their area.

Tune up your Gaydar, because regardless of your circumstances and regardless of where you live we’re going to take a look at some of the ways you can find out where all the gay men in your area hang out.

Now I do realize that it’s possible to live in a town where there’s next to no gay men around or at least none that are available. I have lived in some really small towns – three and four digit populations… So, you may have to take the occasional trip to your nearest large town in order to find any sizable gay population.

The first thing you need to do is take a good hard look at the city or town that you do live in. I had a boyfriend who claimed that there were no gay bars or gay organizations in his town. I couldn’t believe it because he lived in a University town and one of the Universities or Colleges had a major arts program…

Sure those aren’t proof that there’s got to be some gays out there, but my Gaydar says that those are indications that there’s going to be a few gays hanging around town. A quick flick through the local phone book confirmed my suspicions. Three gay bars, (one of them was a leather bar), a couple of gay book stores, the campus Pride Society – all in a “conservative mid-west state town”.

The phone book or Yellow Pages is a great resource. Whenever I’m traveling, one of the first things I do when I arrive or stop off in a city, is check out the phone book for gay book stores and gay bars.

Another resource that I’ve found invaluable is gay book stores. In addition to finding good reading material or a cute book store owner, employee or fellow gay bookworm, gay book stores often sell or give away “Pink Pages”. What are Pink Pages? They’re like the Yellow Pages, only geared towards the Gay and Lesbian community. Sometimes the Pink Pages are brochure sized, others are larger – booklet sized publications.

Speaking of the Pink Pages, there’s numerous Pink Pages on the web – many that are specific to certain cities or regions. Go to your favorite search engine, type in “Pink Pages” or try “Pink Pages and The City That You Live In”. (Skip the quotation marks.)

Two last points about gay book stores… Check out the inevitable bulletin board AND ask the clerk where the gay hot spots are. Also ask him about the special events, Pride festivals or social clubs and groups that happen and meet in your area.

Another place that you should check out is your local PFLAG chapter, (Parents, Family and Friends of Lesbians and Gays). In the U.S. pflag.org is the site to visit. You can find out where your local chapter is, find out more about gender identity and sexual orientation as well as some great tips on coming out. In Canada, pflag.ca is the site to go to.

Once you start doing a little research you’ll begin finding out about the places to go to. You’ll find that there are more opportunities than meet the eye – you may even find that there’s a much larger and vibrant gay community than you suspected. That’s when you’ll start meeting other gay men or at the very least the opportunity to meet them.

Lesbian women are more accepted than gay men

Researchers who studied attitudes towards non-heterosexual men and women suggested that in 23 countries gay men are less “accepted” than lesbian women.

In the research of a group of scientists from New York University published in the journal Social Psychology and Personality Science, “We found that in every country we tested, gays were less attracted to lesbians.”

Director of the study, Maria Laura Bettinsoli, together with her teammates, expressed their surprise that “the consistency of the relationship between the acceptance of gender norms and sexual bias is unexpected”.

The study also found that strong gender norms were associated with higher tolerance for homosexuality in some Eastern countries, including China and India as an exception.

In these Eastern countries, it was seen that “gender norms and homosexuality are perceived as ‘Western concepts’ and that pro-Western people approach both positively”.
“Men are both perpetrators and targets of sexual prejudice”

According to the scientists, the findings of the study show that men are “more likely to be perpetrators and targets of sexual bias.”

Brazil, China, Hungary, Japan, Peru, Poland, Russia, South Africa, attitudes toward sexual minorities is in North Korea and Turkey more negative than in the US.

At the end of the study, the researchers said, “This study should be a springboard for research focused on the conceptualization of gender and sexuality in poorly educated societies and how they are conceptualized in the Western world.”

Does Islam Support the Burning of Homosexuals?

I read that a 2015 Moroccan magazine cover asked the question “Should homosexuals be burned?”

Is burning considered as a means of execution in 2015?

Here is the answer from a Question and Answer Islamic site: islamqa.info/en/38622

Below is the question asked on this website.

What is the punishment for homosexuality? Is there any differentiation between the one who does it and the one to whom it is done?.

Here is the answer from the site (not the entire article as it contained scholars meetings over the years on this topic.

The crime of homosexuality is one of the greatest of crimes, the worst of sins and the most abhorrent of deeds, and Allaah punished those who did it in a way that He did not punish other nations. It is indicative of violation of the fitrah, total misguidance, weak intellect and lack of religious commitment, and it is a sign of doom and deprivation of the mercy of Allaah. We ask Allaah to keep us safe and sound.

Are There Exceptions to Execution? (My question)

Here is the answer from the Site

1 – There is no hadd punishment if the one who has been sodomized is forced into it, such as if the one who did it overpowered him or threatened him with death or beating and the like. End quote.

2 – If the one to whom it was done is a minor and has not reached the age of puberty. There is no hadd punishment in this case, but he should be disciplined and punished in a way that will deter him from committing this crime, as stated above in the quotation from Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah.

Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) narrated in al-Mughni (9/62) that there is no difference of opinion among the scholars concerning the fact that the hadd punishment should not be carried out on one who is insane or a boy who has not yet reached the age of puberty.

And Allaah knows best.

End of Article.

My comment:

Unknown-6paula: I cannot see Allaah as a God of such hatred towards his creation. Like so many religions that were founded long ago, there is no room for scientific thought. World-wide bodies of psychologists and psychiatrists are in total agreement that homosexuality is a born orientation.

They state that homosexuality is NOT a disease, mental problem or perversion (as stated in the Quran and the Old Testament). Furthermore, they state that homosexuality CANNOT be reversed and therefore, it is NOT a choice.

Would a God punish people born homosexuality. It is my opinion that He/She would not. It is my opinion, as I read this site that the emphasis is on DEATH and ways of executing and NOT on LOVE. It is on judging people born homosexual. Has it never occurred to these bigots that homosexuality has been in existence since the dawn of civilization? Are they blind to the fact that homosexuality is in EVERY country? My God is a God of love.

Paula, 2015, stories4hotbloodedlesbians.com

Moroccan Magazine Cover: Should Gays Be Burned?

A magazine cover which asked “should gay people be burned” has been withdrawn. In view of the United Nations Charter of Rights and Freedoms – NO religion or culture has the right to take away basic human rights and these include sexual orientation. Extreme and hateful religious fanatics are portraying God as a God of wrath – instead of a God of love. These bigots use ancient texts and avoid scientific data. Paula.

A Magazine That Should Face a Law Suit?

The cover of Maroc Hebdo posed the question in response to the Moroccan Ministry of Health’s call for homosexuality to be decriminalised.

It also asked “What about moral and religious values?”

Within the magazine, which has now been withdrawn from sale, there were three articles – one which outline the situation for gay people in Morocco, an interview with pro-gay activist Abdellah Taia, and a piece by staff writer Mustapha Sehimi.

Staff Writer is Ignorant of Scientific Data

Sehimi writes: “Today, more than 70 states forbid homosexuality. In around ten of them, the sentence gay people risk death penalty.

“There is a public moral to preserve… religious values too… There is still a lot to do to strenghten human rights in Morocco so we don’t have to be misled into some dubious fight for such a marginal purpose as decriminalization of homosexuality.”

After the cover was published, many took to social media to point out that the photograph of two men featured on the magazine’s cover was actually taken at a gay-friendly hotel in Cancun.

Others simply took to Facebook to ask questions like: “Are you stupid”, and “Your covers are the worst.”

Others tweeted their distaste at the cover, calling it “criminal”, “irresponsible” and “shameful”.

In a statement Maroc Hebdo said: “Given the particularly strong reactions through social media, Morocco Hebdo decided to withdraw this issue from sale and its sites on the internet.

“It presents at the same time its apologies to all readers who were offended by this theme and it stresses it has no other requirement other than to continue to work for the expansion of a national debate on… the shape of society.”

Paula: What is there to debate? Human rights should trump any religion. The debate, since it will continue, should present the findings of most psychological and psychiatric associations world-wide. They write that homosexuality is not a disease, mental condition or PERVERSION (as stated by right wing religious zealots). They also state that homosexuality CANNOT be changed, therefore, it is NOT a choice.

If religions are to raise the soul towards heaven why do they persecute someone who is born a homosexual. This is NOT God-like. This is not loving God’s creation.

Paula, 2015, stories4hotbloodedlesbians.com

Dating & Living With an Older Gay Man

I sometimes get asked about what it’s like dating or living with an older gay man. I also get asked for tips and advice on how to deal with family and friends or how I dealt with my family and friends when they found out I was dating and in fact now living with a man 22 years older than myself.

I have actually written about many of these questions and problems in my other articles here as the articles are all based on my personal experiences of mainly dating older men, as well as my life living with one for seven years now.

However, a recent email inspired me to write some more on this subject and to try and address a few specific points that I may not have covered quite so clearly before.

One of the problems or hurdles that you will face if you are involved in a relationship with a gay man where there is a significant age gap is how others will perceive that relationship.

Another hurdle that you may face is how you think other people will perceive your relationship with an older or younger gay man.

In my own life, the later point is actually the one that gave me the most problems.

I actually gave myself more grief and worry about what other people might think than what actually happened and what these people actually do think about our relationship.

These days, I don’t worry about people thinking negatively about our relationship because in the first place it’s not theirs and in the second place most people are too busy with their own problems and relationships to really be too concerned.

I took me many years to get to this comfort point in my life; it wasn’t easy and I will admit that even to this day I sometimes have the occasional bit of anxiety.

How could I have made things easier on myself? That’s something that I sometimes think about and the answer that keeps repeating itself is that I should have come out to my parents a lot earlier than when I did.

But I was young and scared of what they might think or do and what my friends might think and do. As it turned out, I came out to my parents when I was older and at a pretty low point in my life, still scared of what everyone might say and do.

To make thing just a little more interesting and difficult, the day I came out was also the day that they officially found out that I was living with an older man who was the same age as they were.

Yes, they got a double whammy that day!

I broke the news awkwardly to my mum first. I don’t remember exactly what either of us said, it’s all a blur but it basically went something like this…

“Mum, you know how I’m renting a room from Ian and how I invite him to all our family get-togethers? Well he’s not really my landlord. He’s my lover and has been since I moved in with him”.

A short pause of silence greets this revelation and then my mum responds with, “It’s OK; I kind of figured that might be the case”.

After I left my parents place, my head still spinning at what I’d just done, I received a phone call from my Dad; “It’s OK son”, he said.

I was elated! Years of guilt started lifting from my shoulders.

I had begun the next phase of my life as a gay man of thirty something.

I honestly don’t know what I would have done had this opportunity presented itself when I was younger, and in my early twenties; or nineteen for that matter.

I do know that it was important to finally come out to my family and formally introduce the man who was my lover and partner.

I was quite literally getting sick from hiding in the closet and hiding a relationship that was extremely important to me, as Ian wasn’t just some guy that I was occasionally going out with. My entire life was and is to this day revolving around him – we’re partners.

Do we get strange looks or questions? Sure sometimes. But for the most part people are too busy to really concern themselves. For others that we meet it’s often a case of, “Oh well, that’s interesting, looks like it’s been good for both of you.” And still others are down right envious.

In any event, it matters not what they think; what matters is us and our happiness.

Understanding Sexual Orientation Amongst Young Males

When it comes to understanding sexual orientation among youth, most research focuses on health, social work and psychology. They look at the youth’s vulnerability to various types of health issues: sexually transmitted diseases, school climate and bullying, sexual assault, abuse and suicide. However, the sociological process that drives individuals to call themselves gay or bisexual has had less focus, until now.

Researcher Mary Anne Robinson of the University of Colorado at Boulder decided to analyze “sexual selfhood” and the process of sexual socialization through a qualitative method and from the point of view of adolescent males.

Her study focused on 18 life-history interviews. Robinson volunteered at Spectrum for 16 months. Spectrum is an urban center that welcomes any youth between the ages of 13 and 22 who identify with the LGBT community. It predominately serves young adults of lower socioeconomic status. Robinson decided to direct the focus of her study on male youth who were born male. The population at the center was mostly male, and she didn’t want to assume all experiences among the other genders.

Robinson’s research led her to identify four processes of sexual identity formation. They are: violating compulsory heterosexuality, seeking out an explanation for their differences, exploring sexuality and negotiating identity.

Compulsory behavior occurs in a social system where all persons are assumed to be heterosexual and heterosexuality is reinforced by gender norms, like masculine and feminine. According to Robinson’s study, the young males would recount stories of how others marked them as being different because they did not conform to typical male behavior. Once the individual was marked for their difference by either themselves or others, they sought out an explanation for why. Initially many of the participants revealed that they didn’t have a language to name how they felt.

Upon recognizing themselves as gay or bisexual, the young men took steps toward embracing their sexuality through relationships. Many of the young males had opportunities to have sex, but did not. In fact, many of the participants identified themselves as virgins. Robinson believes this is significant because it shows that being gay or bisexual doesn’t depend on having sex.

Last, although many face pressure to choose a sexual identity, many youths today are ambiguous about what that identity is. Robinson found that while the boundaries of identity are expanding, sexual identities are becoming more prominent and meaningful, even though not all sexual and gender identities are viewed with legitimacy.

Dr. M. Mirza, LGBT Health Wellness – 2014

How Many Americans Are Bisexual or Homosexual?

A recent survey (the annual National Health Interview Survey) by the Center for Disease Control and Prevention asked about sexual orientation for the first time. While the majority of candidates reported being heterosexual, of the 34,557, 1.6 percent claimed to be homosexual and 0.7 claimed to be bisexual. While many other surveys have claimed much higher numbers, it is important to keep in mind that this is a very difficult number to pinpoint.

You may be asking why. To start, the survey is more or less showcasing results for how those who have taken it identify themselves. Whether or not it factually identifies all participants based on societal definitions of sexuality is too complicated a question to test without further research. Keep in mind that many people do not care to share their sexuality, possibly due to shame, misidentification with how they feel inside, or simply not wanting to release that information. It’s a complicated subject; proclaiming you are gay or bisexual carries many social stigmas.

Questions were provided to surveyors via computer, which they personally asked participants who then answered by showing flash cards. This person to person questioning may help comfort, but still, it does nothing to encourage people to discuss their true indentity. Furthermore, the survey asked nothing regarding transexuals, whose sexuality may be very difficult at times to define.

These statistics may help narrow and target treatment for sexual minorities, which is good, but they still lack accuracy. Without societal reform, it may be impossible to get information that is, figuratively, hidden in the closet.

September 2014

UK Sherlock Fans Call for Gay Relationship in Series

Fans of the popular BBC series Sherlock have been lobbying show creator Mark Gatiss to write a gay relationship between Sherlock and Watson into the plot.

Gatiss said he had been inundated with plotline ideas and even explicit drawings sugeesting a relationship between Sherlock played by Benedict Cumberbatch and Watson (Martin Freeman).

Gatiss told DNA that fans had been urging him to make the dynamic crime fighting duo a couple since injecting sexual innuendo into the plot of the previous series.

Gatiss told DNA: “Oh my God. I get sent things that would make your hair turn white. It’s not just Sherlock and Watson holding hands on a park bench, I can tell you that.

“Some of them are incredibly graphic but my goodness I’ve not tried half the things they’re doing.”

It’s not the first occasion that the great detective and his sidekick have been rumoured to be gay. In the 1970s Billy Wilder film, it was joked that Sherlock and Watson were a couple.

Gatiss said this is where he and co-creator Steven Moffat took their lead.

Nonetheless Gatiss said there are no plans at this stage to turn the pair into a couple.

A fourth series of Sherlock has been commissioned by the BBC and will air later this year. The BBC has also announced plans for a special feature length episode to begin filming in January 2015.

Christians Against Gays & Gay Marriage?

Are Christians against gays?

Gay marriages have hardly ever received religious sanction, especially never so in the realms of Christian Catholicism. The Catholic Church has time and again, raised serious protests against the legalization and public acceptance of same-sex marital unions, across several regions of the world. Such religious condemnation is one of the main impediments in the battle being fought by the gay community across the world.

The Catholic Church believes that homosexual relations are against the dictates of the Bible. God created the male and female anatomy such that they are physically complimentary to one another so that they can reproduce and procreate, producing human offspring for the progression of the species. However, same-sex relationships are not conducive to the idea of procreation, and are believed to have been condemned in some interpretations of Biblical texts. In that sense, gay unions are against the biological norms of nature and staunch Catholics consider them to be a violation of God’s establishment of a harmonious society. This is the basic argument put forward by the higher Catholic authorities as well as some followers of the religion as well.

The Catholic opposition to gay marriage also drives strength from the fact that their conduct of religion is centered upon a very high view of marriage and human sexuality. Christian Scriptures are cited to reiterate the importance and significance of marital relations and human sexuality. The Book of Genesis is known to reflect that marriage and sexuality were designed such by God to be sacred gifts to mankind.

“It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him” (Gen. 2:18).

“A man leaves his father and his mother and cleaves to his wife, and they become one flesh” (Gen. 2:24).”

The above mentioned sections are often quoted to explain the religious sanctity of marriage as God had ordained. Male and female sexuality were to compliment one another so that they could unite in the Holy union of marriage. And since marriage for Catholics, is a Holy vocation, they hold it in reverence and thus try to defend it against “harm”, be it in terms of homosexuality or otherwise.

The Catholic Church also believes that gay marriages are a detriment to society. In their argument and protect against the acceptance of same-sex marital unions, they interweave their religious and social concerns to put forward a stronger case. Since gay unions cannot facilitate procreation, they do not play any biological function is society which is supposed to be an important element of the entire marital institution. In consequence to this, the Church believes that the sanctity of a marriage between homosexuals is thus little, if not inconsequential.

While the Catholic Church in its entirety is seen as an opposing force to gay marital union, there is a large body of Catholic Christians that does not react to the idea of same-sex marriages in the same manner. Some also argue that the Biblical references that are given to justify a Holy rejection of same-sex relations may not have been related to the question of homosexuality at all. This takes the religious debate into the arena of interpretation and reinterpretation of the Bible. However, since there is no way to judge upon the correctness of any Biblical interpretation, this debate is not expected to reach any concrete conclusion.

This is however, not to say that Catholicism represents a complete an absolute boycott of the homosexual population of the world. Yes, the Catholic Church is not a proponent of homosexuality and same-sex marriages. However, a complete rejection of gay people and their lifestyle is not what the Catholic Church stands for either. The bottom line here is that Catholicism has been an opposing voice in the debate over gay marriages and their legalization. It cites religious as well as social factors as the basis for such a stance. But its view on gay marriages is not a complete reflection of the Catholic treatment of homosexuality. While the debate goes on and on, one can only wonder whether there shall ever be an effective conclusion to it, and if so, which voice shall emerge victorious.

gaymarriagesupport.com/christians-against-gays-gay-marriage – 2012