Do Gay Men Have Less Stable Relationships?

No one really knows why, but for decades, social studies have hinted that gay men are more promiscuous and less faithful in relationships. Formal studies that have been done to pick apart claims that gay men are less capable of committing to one person however have failed to prove anything. So why are we worried?

The HIV/AIDs epidemic is the major concern. Responsible monogamous couples have very little reason to worry about contracting HIV/AIDs or any other sexually transmitted disease, but young homosexual and bisexual men make up an astoundingly large percentage of new HIV/AIDs diagnoses, and these individuals tend to fall into a “high risk sexual behavior” category also. Although this is hardly proof that gay men are less monogamous, it certainly suggests that they are. There are other reasons to think that promiscuity is a real issue in gay male relationships; past studies that were done on monogamy and relationship security and satisfaction have found that when they compared lesbian, heterosexual, and homosexual relationships women reported feeling more secure and satisfied than men in general. No differences were found to be a result of sexual preference, just gender.

The reality is men usually feel less commitment than women do in relationships, and less satisfied. National surveys that track the prevalence of cheating in married couples have found that, in the U.S. and the U.K., married men are almost twice as likely as married women to have slept with someone other than their spouse. Since most gay couples aren’t married the odds that one of the partners will cheat could be even higher. It’s probably not a terrible thing that gay men are less committed.

Some ultimately suggest that monogamous partnership is unnatural. But, regardless, the contribution that young gay men make to the HIV/AIDs epidemic is something that needs to be taken more seriously. Condom use is not enough. Gay men must take the initiative to know their sexual partners’ history. Like all sexually active people with more than one partner, Gay men should be tested for STDs routinely. Psychologically healthy monogamy may be bogus, but we can’t pretend that having multiple partners is just as safe.

Common Anxieties New Intergenerational Gay Couples Experience

Intergenerational couples face anxieties related to their age differences and prejudices from the outside that can make it exceptionally difficult for their relationships to grow. By taking the obvious anxieties (sometimes they’re not apparent to either partner) and tackling them head on, differences can be deemed worthy of addressing or irreconcilable. Read on to learn of some of the top anxieties some gay intergenerational couples face.

Perception
When intergenerational couples are first beginning their relationship, they’re often concerned about the perception of others. A lot of anxieties for the couple dictate their approach to the relationship. Significant negative impacts may result from outside societal pressure.

Opportunism
Both partners in a relationship may suspect that they’re being taken advantage of in some way. For example, does the younger one in the relationship just use the older partner for their money? Or, is the older partner using the younger partner for sex, or as “arm candy”? It’s important to have this discussion with your partner before assuming opportunism is the case because it can be very hurtful if that assumption is incorrect. Of course, if it’s true, it’s a legitimate reason to call it quits.

Sexual performance
This is more often an anxiety experienced by the older partner. As men age, their sexual function often decreases and they focus on those problems. They might have concerns with performance and how their younger partner will judge them. It’s also the case that the younger man might fear they’re not experienced enough for their older partner.

Autonomy
This is more of a problem for the younger partner in a relationship. The older partner is quite often more established financially and professionally. And, they have usually been out of the closet for a longer period of time; more secure with their sexuality. At the same time, the older partner may fear that they’re holding back their younger partner when it comes to to their development and sexual experiences.

Rejection
This happens in many relationships that are new– the fear of rejection. All of the anxieties we have feed into this fear. Is the younger man experienced or educated as much as the older man? On the other hand, is the older man fit enough, with sufficient energy to keep up with his younger partner? If there’s any concern, these are important questions to explore with your partner; they can be confronted and dealt with…and the relationship can flourish.

Domestic Violence Occurs with Same-Sex Couples Too

Same-sex couples are very much like heterosexual married couples. Once the hoopla of the wedding is over and the honeymoon phase has shifted away, they also have to work and invest a lot into keeping the spark alive.

Gay couples have an added incentive that can also bring more weight down on the shoulders of the relationship. The need to prove to the world that same-sex marriages are just as valid and can work just as well as straight ones. Still, one famous same-sex relationship has shed light on something completely different, that domestic violence occurs with same-sex couples, too (Denver Post.com). Enter Johnny Weir, ice skating Olympian, and TV commentator at the Sochi Olympics winter Olympics. To no one’s surprise, Weir came out as gay in 2011 and only one year later married his boyfriend, Victor Voronov. Weir had filed for divorce secretly. He returned home to find Voronov furious. The two engaged in a fight where Weir bit Voronov, who in turn filed criminal charges. Voronov decided to drop the charges and Weir and he tried to reconcile. Still, they could not make it work. TMZ and other tabloids followed the case and made a laughing stock of them.

But this case did bring to light that there is a lot we don’t know, and not a lot of research has been done regarding same-sex marriages.

The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) stated in a 2013 report that, “little is known about the national prevalence of intimate partner violence, sexual violence, and stalking among lesbian, gay, and bisexual women and men in the United States.” We do know that gay men have a 50% higher chance of being a victim of gay violence than straight men. Gay on gay violence is often portrayed as a joke in the media. Lots of silly movies and TV shows show gay men chasing each other about. But when it comes to actual cases of gay on gay violence, will the criminal justice system, the media and the general public stand up and take notice, or will it as the famous figure skating Olympian and his ex-spouse become the joke of the day?

Co-counsel on a landmark Adams County lawsuit challenging Colorado’s statutory and constitutional bans on gay marriage and University of Denver law professor, Tom Russell, says “Our conversation about marriage equality is incomplete unless we equally protect the rights of gay spouses once they enter a marriage.”

Sexual Agreements & Substance Abuse among Gay Couples

Researchers have been trying to understand how gay male couples’ relationships, including their sexual agreements, affect their risk of getting HIV.

According to studies, gay men and other men who have sex with men are disproportionately affected by HIV. They account for nearly two-thirds of HIV cases among men in the U.S. Also, between one-third and two-thirds of men who have sex with men acquire HIV while in a same-sex relationship, according to a recent article published in AIDS and Behavior.

According to “A Cause for Concern: Male Couples’ Sexual Agreements and Their Use of Substances with Sex,” studies have found that gay men who use illegal substances, like ecstasy, and controlled substances, like alcohol, are at an increased risk for acquiring HIV. Some of these men are also more likely to engage in high-risk sexual behavior with men who have sex with men, such as unprotected anal intercourse, and some have used substances during sex. Many of these men consider some substances “sex drugs,” it said, because they either prolong or enhance the sexual experience.

The study’s researchers decided to also figure out how sexual agreements are associated with gay male couples who use substances with sex. They define a sexual agreement as “an explicit understanding between two partners about which sexual and other behaviors are permitted to occur within, and if relevant, outside of their relationship.”

The researchers recruited U.S. men who have sex with men using a Facebook advertisement. They looked for men who were either in a relationship, married or engaged, and they narrowed their focus to 275 HIV negative concordant couples who participated in an online survey.

The study found that 87 percent of the couples practiced high-risk behavior, and about one-third had sex outside of their relationship. Fifty-nine percent consented to a sexual agreement. A majority who agreed said it was closed, but a little over a third said it was an open agreement. A small percent were not okay with the agreement at all.

The findings also indicated that the couples having an established sexual agreement were more likely to use a variety of substances with sex particularly within their relationships. Couples who had broken their agreement were more likely to engage in the use of marijuana or amyl nitrates when having sex.

Researchers believe more studies need to look into these relationships and agreements further. Also, HIV prevention efforts, which have focused on individual gay men and communities, need to focus prevention intervention among gay male couples, especially those who use substances with sex.

Dr. M. Mirza, LGBT Health Wellness – 2014

Adoption by Same Sex couples

Adopting by LGBTI (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and intersex) persons may be done by a single person, couples of the same sex, or by a couple’s partner when the other has a biological child (by step-parent). Fourteen countries have legalized adoptions to couples of the same sex. The main concerns of people that oppose LGBTI adoption are if those couples can also have good parenting skills. Legalization takes place often on judicial opinions. Supporters say many children need homes and claim their ability to parent has no relevance to their sexual orientation. Opposition suggest the alleged drug use,

Suicides, domestic violence and promiscuity among homosexuals could affect the child or cause maladjustment with absence of both role models, male and female. Both sides agree the child’s welfare should dictate the policy.

Many organizations have given statements defending the adoption by same-sex partners. The American Psychological Association (APA) cites psychological health of gays and lesbians could be harmed, while their parenting doesn’t cause the children harm. The (AMA) American Medical Association and (ASA) American Sociology Association hold similar positions for same-sex couples adopting.

In Florida in 2008, a statute that forbids gay adoptions was struck down. The judge felt equal rights of protection had been violated, and that prohibiting adoption by gay parents was not rational since they were allowed to be foster parents. The decision was appealed by the state and the lower court’s decision was upheld. In 2010, the governor announced that the ban on LGBTI adoptions will be lifted, allowing their adoptions legal in Florida. In November, 2008, voters in Arkansas approved the measure of banning anyone from adopting children or be foster parents if they “co-habitate outside a valid marriage”. It was mainly written targeting gay people because same-sex marriages was prohibited, making it impossible to adopt. However, single lesbians and gay men could adopt.