How to Talk to Your Bisexual Boyfriend

So you’ve just found out your boyfriend is bisexual. Now what?

Well that really depends on the matter you discovered his bisexuality. If he came out to candidly he probably needs a hug and a bit of moral support. If you caught him in bed with another guy (or a girl if you’re coming at this from the gay angle), then you probably are well within your rights to throw that Ming vase at him, call him every name under the sun and lock yourself in the bathroom crying.

Still whatever the circumstances, remember this, your boyfriend’s bisexuality is not a reflection on you. Its not caused by something you have or haven’t done, its not something you could have prevented. Its not your fault. In fact, it has nothing to do with you at all, its just the way he is. He can’t help being bisexual, and believe me at some point, most of us have tried not to be.

CASE A: Your boyfriend just came out to you as bisexual

So how do you talk to bisexual boyfriend after this bombshell?

First know that he still loves you, he probably told you this in his coming out speech, if he didn’t, he meant to. The last thing he wanted to do was make you feel inadequate, he was just trying to be honest about his feelings and you were important enough to him to be the person he chose to share his secret with.

Know that he’s probably been agonising over telling you for ages, and probably tried several times and lost his nerve, frightened that you wouldn’t understand and that you’d leave him if you found out. It takes an awful lot of courage to come out as a bisexual, especially for men who find themselves already in a relationship, so its no surprise that many bisexual men don’t come out at all. Its made even harder if you or your spouse have deeply held religious convictions.

So now that you appreciate just how hard it was for your boyfriend to tell you he was bisexual, you are probably a little better equipped to deal with it and offer a supportive response. The best thing you can do right now is be accepting of his sexuality. Don’t argue with him about it, don’t call him gay (or ‘a breeder’ if you previously thought he was exclusively gay), don’t suggest its just a phase, be accepting and say something supportive. You probably have a million questions, but take a moment to make him feel good about his decision to tell you.

What does it mean for your relationship?

Well this is a question you should ask, probably after pouring each other a stiff drink. The answer is different for every couple. Your bisexual boyfriend, almost certainly won’t want things between you and him to change, but he may ask you to accept him seeing other people, which may seem like a big change for you. He won’t see it as such a big deal, because he genuinely does still love you, he just wants to sleep with people of the opposite sex to you now and again.

Equally though he may not ask anything more of you than occasionally renting a gay porno rather than a straight one, who knows perhaps you’ll enjoy watching it together? Yes there are bisexual men who don’t need relationships with both genders on the go at the same time.

The truth is each couple is different, how you deal with it and renegotiate the boundaries of your relationship is entirely unique to you and your boyfriend. But there are some basic rules you follow.

Don’t agree to anything you are uncomfortable with.
Listen and consider each request.
Avoid saying “NO WAY” to something right away, offer to consider it and return with your decision.
Keep a dialogue open and come back and discuss things further.

Any agreements you make are renegotiable. If you decide you can’t handle something you though you could deal with a few weeks ago, come back and say so. But don’t blame or resent your bisexual boyfriend for taking you at your word in the meantime.

Finally remember you are in a very special relationship. Your boyfriend loved you enough to tell you he was bisexual, he was being honest with you and being honest with himself. You share a special bond of confidence and honesty that a lot of relationships lack. This revelation is a blessing as much as a curse.

CASE B: You caught your boyfriend in bed with someone else and found out he’s bisexual

Pretty much the same as Case A, only for some reason, he didn’t have the balls to tell you. He probably wanted to, but was too scared of how you’d react. You are probably more hurt that he didn’t feel able to tell you than you are by the deception, but ten to a penny he keeping this a secret because he didn’t want to risk losing you. Now realising his mistake he’s really sorry that he’s hurt you.

Take some time, don’t talk whilst angry, but do keep channels of communication open, come back and talk about things and remember your bisexual boyfriend loves you, he always has.

Bi The Way – 2008

Popular Misconceptions About Bisexuals

There are many harmful misconceptions out there regarding bisexuality.

These common assumptions exist in and outside of the LGBTI+ community. Bisexuality is real and it’s here to stay. Some of your friends might be bisexual (or you might be, of course) and won’t come out for fear of being judged harshly and incorrectly. It’s time that everyone is able to put these myths to rest.

Bisexuals are attracted to men and women equally

Everyone is different. Some who identify as bisexual might be attracted to one gender in a different way than they are to another and possibly much more. Others do not believe that gender matters at all when it comes to their attractions. It’s best to refer to the Kinsey scale to understand this more thoroughly. The Kinsey scale has sexual orientation displayed on a scale from 0 to 6. Zero means that a person is completely heterosexual and 6 means exclusively homosexual. We can each fit anywhere on that scale…and we won’t necessarily stay in the exact spot.

Bisexuals are in a phase before coming out as homosexual

It is possible that some lesbian and gay people came out as bisexual first, but that’s not the rule. It’s also true that some who identify as lesbian or gay end up coming out as bisexual. Sexuality can be fluid for some, just like a lot of things in life.

We’re all bisexual or we’re all not bisexual

Bisexuality is real. There are actually individuals who will be attracted to and have sex with both men and women for their entire lives. This is not everyone, though.

Bisexuals can’t have a partner of just one gender

It’s a common misconception that bisexual people will need to be involved with both genders to be sexually and emotionally fulfilled. There are many who are perfectly content having the partner they’re with at any given time and who want to be monogamous.

Bisexuals are just very promiscuous people…more than any other group

Just as with any other sexual orientation, there will be some people who are promiscuous and some who are extremely monogamous. Sexual orientation is not the deciding factor here, the individual makes the decision.

Biphobia is a Common Problem

Most people are familiar with the word “homophobia”. There are many terrible, damaging myths and stereotypes out there that remind us far too much about how common it is to hate and be ignorant. There is another form of phobia that is less spoken about and it’s fairly safe to say that many have never heard of it: It’s called “biphobia” and it comes from all parts of the human sexuality spectrum.

Not everyone who is biphobic is homophobic. There are those who believe bisexuals must be either straight or gay. It’s an unfair judgment that’s not only invalidating, but is effectively saying that those identifying as bisexuals are dishonest people. It causes them to be unjustly assessed–as if their supposed ‘lies’ stretch to other areas of their lives.

Examples of biphobic statements are:

Bisexuals are confused.
Bisexuals just want to have threesomes/kinky sex.
Bisexuality is a phase.
Bisexual women just want to get men “hot and bothered’.

Many bisexuals stay ‘in the closet’ due to attitudes from the LGBTI+ community and heterosexuals. They might try to pass as either gay or straight. Sadly, bisexuals are viewed as gay or lesbian when they’re with a same-sex partner and heterosexual when they have an opposite-sex partner. The attitude that bisexuality doesn’t exist is a dangerous one to hold.

Bisexuality is not an undecided sexuality or a phase. It’s not about being confused. If anything, it’s biphobia that’s making things complicated. Even if you’re not bisexual… When you hear someone engaging in biphobic behavior, stop them and let them know the truth. It’s best to be calm while doing this, of course…the message will be received more openly and taken more seriously that way.

If a loved one comes out to you, treat it seriously and with compassion. Don’t treat them as if they’re suddenly all about sex or they’re just experimenting. It took a lot of courage for them to come out. A little education and compassion goes a long way!

Pansexual is a more Accurate Label for Many

Most of the time, the LGBTI+ community focuses on lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and Intersex people in conversation, etc. Often, though, pansexuals are completely misidentified as bisexual. Are you confused at all? Well, maybe you are if you’re unfamiliar with the term.

A pansexual is a person who may be attracted to females, males, transgender people and non-binary individuals.

To them, biological sex (one’s physical gender at birth) and gender identity are not relevant as far as attraction goes. The prefix means “all” or “every” in Greek.

Just like bisexuality, pansexuality is often dismissed as being a greedy or indecisive. This is not true, though. A pansexual is open to loving the person, no matter their sexuality or gender identification. As bisexuals are attracted to two sexes based on gender, pansexuals are effectively blind to gender and are attracted to others for reasons beyond it, such as emotions, personality and ideals. This is not to say that everyone else doesn’t find different qualities important, but pansexuals have a wider range of people with whom they may become attracted.

The term ‘pansexuality’ first came into use in the mid 90’s, but hasn’t been significantly searched for (on Google, for example) until about five years ago. This might be due to more recent generations being more in touch with themselves.

It can be difficult for pansexuals to know how to clearly define themselves. Some may choose ‘queer’ as a term that seems more inclusive, but it’s not exactly descriptive. It can be helpful if a celebrity decides to come out, but are they really practicing their assertion that they’re attracted to personality and not gender? It seems to be a more politically correct thing to say these days, but it’s damaging if it’s untrue. There are actually people (pansexuals) who feel this way. So, if a pansexual celebrity comes out as such, that’s great–if it’s true and not a publicity tactic.

Many pansexuals know how they differ from bisexuals; this can be a sore subject. It doesn’t seem appropriate for them to identify as bisexual when that means only including cisgender people. Rapper, Angel Haze (who has dated model Ireland Baldwin) says that for her: “love is boundary-less. If you can make me feel, if you can make me laugh… then I can be with you. I don’t care if you’re a hermaphrodite or whatever.” She says, “I’m not gay, I’m not straight, I’m not bisexual – I don’t care,” she says. “At the end of the day, I just want someone to connect with.”

Maddie Hasson Has Come Out as Bisexual

The ‘Impulse’ star – who tied the knot with her composer husband Julian Brink in 2015 – opened up about her sexuality on social media when asked to share a “photo with gay/bi vibes” by one of her followers.

Responding to the question on her Instagram Story, she replied: “Hi, I’m bi and proud!”

Meanwhile, the ‘Twisted’ actress recently spoke about the challenges of playing the role of Henrietta ‘Henry’ Coles, “who internalises a lot of her emotions”, in the YouTube Originals drama series ‘Impulse’.

The teen possesses the ability to teleport, but has no control over her destination.

The 26-year-old star said last month of her alter ego: “Yeah, it’s definitely interesting to play somebody who internalises a lot of her emotions because I think there’s a tendency when you’re creating a story, to want to see some of those beats externalised. It’s easy to want to go in that direction, but that would go against the character. So, it’s hard finding a balance of getting what we need to tell the story while also staying true to who she is and the reality of her, as a person.”

Maddie will next be seen in James Wan’s upcoming horror flick, ‘Malignant’, which is slated for release by Warner Bros. in 2021.

The motion picture was due to be released in 2020, but was delayed due to the coronavirus pandemic.

Subsequently, the film will now stream simultaneously on HBO Max for a limited period.

What is Bisexuality?

Bisexuality is often defined as having an interest in or romantic feelings towards people of both sexes.

Thus, a bisexual man will be attractive to men as well as women. A bisexual woman will be attracted to men as well as women.

Men and women who say they are bisexual love men and women at the same time or at different times in their lives. As opposed to a black and white vision that opposes two completely separate worlds (heterosexuality and homosexuality), bisexuality brings together a wide variety of situations between the two. The word “bisexuality” used in its present sense by doctors and psychologists at the end of the 19th century is quite new.

Conversely, what we now consider “bisexuality” was common in some ancient civilizations or cultures where there was limited contact with the Western world. For some scholars of sexuality (Sigmund Freud, Alfred Kinsey) people are bisexual and it is the society that determines the “norm” or possible. Identifying yourself as “bisexual” is more common during adolescence than at other ages. Some people quickly realize that this is a stage for gays who are not yet “compromised”. Others see this as a sign of snobbery among some heterosexuals. Fortunately, bisexuals are increasingly being accepted for who they are in their diversity. And you meet bisexuals of all ages.

Bisexual people are more reluctant than anyone else to label their experiences. This is also found in characters in novels that can be described as such “in spite of themselves”, such as Balthazar in Cédric Érard’s book, Jai no sleep, or Elio in Later or Never.

Women and Bisexuality

Bisexuality has different meanings for different people. Bisexuality can be defined as the potential of a person to be attracted physically, emotionally and/or sexually to people regardless of their gender. In its simplest form, bisexuality is the attraction of a person to men and women. More complex forms may include attractions to transgendered people for example, a married woman makes love to her husband while he crossdresses as a woman or a lesbian is in a relationship with a male identified pre-operative female to male transsexual.

More women than you think harbor bisexual feelings, dreams and fantasies. Many keep them at that level. Others express them through close emotional but non-sexual friendships. Still other women rejoice in their bisexuality, whether out publicly or privately, in social or political settings, in their relationships or just through sex. Some women discover their bisexuality at an early age while others find it emerges over time as one becomes aware of and open to life’s possibilities. Some women, as do some men, try to ignore or suppress their feelings and deny whom they really are. They may choose to call themselves straight or lesbian to fit the expectations of others or their own need to belong. One should strive to be true to one’s self first through accepting one’s feelings and accepting others.This can lead to more open, honest, caring and fulfilling relationships and an inner peace and happiness.

Some people falsely believe that bisexuality is about swinging with other couples or singles of both genders. The truth is that bisexuality is about whom you are, not whom you are with. That aside, most bisexual people tend to be attracted to one gender more or less than the other. The degree of attraction towards one or the other can also change over time, even from week to week. Many bisexual people live their lives in monogamous relationships, committed to one partner but aware of their attractions towards other men and women. Others may have serial monogamous relationships or live in triads or group relationships or have a primary relationship and secondary partners. Many now turn to bisexual support and social groups for friendships.

Why not !!! Choosing a Bisexual identity to describe yourself is as valid as any other person who chooses a Gay, Lesbian, Queer or Straight identity. Whatever identity a person chooses, it should be their choice and not forced upon them by others, society or subjected to criticism, harassment or discrimination by others. Our sexual identity is only one of many identities we have: student, wife, mother, business woman, activist, poet, greenie, Aboriginal, Chinese, Australian, black, white, working class, feminist, lover, etc.

Some women choose bisexual labels that identify themselves further such as Straight-Identified Bisexual, or Lesbian-Identified Bisexual, Bisexual Queer, Bisexual Lesbian or Bisexual Dyke. Just “Bi” is often used. Being Bisexual is about being in touch with your feelings rather than whom you’re having sex with. It is about not limiting your options to one gender.

Your sexual identity can be a very private thing or a very public thing. It might be used in a very sexual way or a very political way. You may use it to describe the way you feel or the way you behave or the type of relationships you have. The way you express your bisexuality must ultimately be your choice for happiness.

“In dealing with such issues (husband’s bisexuality) I have examined my own sexuality. I have had to admit to myself that I too could be bi-sexual. I have acknowledged to myself that if I was looking for a partner again, I might not limit potential choices to just men. I have shared this with a few people close to me (including Peter). I have to thank Peter for providing a framework to explore this issue without a lot of negativity or guilt. I ponder why sexual orientation can change during a person’s lifetime. I have also begun to question how much of an individual’s sexual orientation is due to socialisation and how much much is biological. Perhaps a lot more people who regard themselves as gay/lesbian or heterosexual, are in fact bi-sexual.”

From “My Journey” by Octavia Filbert, 1995.

Women, HIV/AIDS and Sexual Health

Women are not immune to sexually transmitted diseases including the Human Immuno-deficiency Virus (HIV). World wide, it was estimated that the number of women with HIV and AIDS will surpass the number of men by the year 2000. In the USA, AIDS is the leading killer of young women while in Australia, the number of new HIV infections in women is slowly on the rise. The rate of HIV infection in parts of Central Europe, Africa, Central & South America, India and South East Asia is still increasing.

HIV is found in the vaginal secretions, in blood, semen (cum), in breast milk, in the secretions inside the arse (rectum) of infected people. Unprotected sex can transmit HIV and diseases such as gonorrhea, syphilis, herpes, genital warts and hepatitis B from an infected person to an uninfected woman or man. A woman can transmit these diseases to another woman through infected vaginal and anal secretions or blood via fingers, fists, sex toys or on the penis of a mutual male partner.

The use of disposable gloves and condoms can reduce the risk of infection. Use condoms and a water based lubricant when having intercourse with men. While the risk of HIV infection through oral sex is low, it has occured and other sexually transmitted diseases can be transmitted during oral-vaginal, oral-anal or oral-penile sex. The use of a barrier such as a dental dam or condom can be used. HIV and some other infections can be transmitted from mother to baby in the womb, during birth or may occur during breast feeding. The sharing of needles to inject drugs or medication can transmit HIV, Hepatitis B and C and syphilis so always use clean needles and syringes and never share them. Genital wart infections have been linked to cancer of the cervix and sexually active women should have regular pap smear screening and women over 40 should have regular breast and pap smear screening. Vaccinations for Hepatitis A and B are available from sexual health clinics or your doctor.

Be wise, be safe.

Presented by the Australian Bisexual Network – 2013

Health Concerns Faced By Bisexuals

Bisexuality is often misunderstood or not taken seriously. Discrimination exists within the LGBT community and from heterosexuals. A bisexual person might be viewed as someone who can’t make up their mind about their true sexuality or as someone who is promiscuous, having little or no sexual boundaries. More than half of the 3.5 percent of adults in the U.S. who identify as lesbian, gay or bisexual are, in fact, bisexual. They face unique health concerns that deserve our attention.

Some health concerns faced by bisexuals:

Substance abuse – According to research, bisexual women have higher rates of drug use than heterosexual women and close to or possibly higher rates than lesbians. The differences between bisexual and gay men have not been clear in studies.
Alcohol use – Bisexual women have reported higher rates of alcohol use, abuse and alcohol related problems compared to lesbians and heterosexual women.
Sexual health – Bisexual women have reported riskier behavior with sex, compared to heterosexual and lesbian women. Part of this risk comes from the highest rate reported of combining substance/alcohol use and sexual activity. Bisexual men who have sex with men have an increased risk of HIV infection.
Tobacco use – Bisexual women smoke at higher rates than heterosexual women, but about the same as lesbians. Less is known about bisexual men’s smoking habits.
Cancer – Bisexual women have reported higher rates of cancer. Some risk factors are: not having given birth (also relevant to a higher rate of lesbians), or being more likely to give birth after age 30, and alcohol consumption. Also, bisexual women receive mammograms and pap tests at the lowest rates. Men or women who receive anal sex are at a higher risk for anal cancer because of an increased rate of HPV infection.
Nutrition/fitness/weight – Bisexual and lesbian women have higher rates of obesity than heterosexual women and more bisexual women are underweight than heterosexual women or lesbians, which would indicate they might be more likely to struggle with healthy eating. Attempts to achieve perfect bodies, due to pressure, have left some gay and bisexual men with adverse health consequences. They might compulsively exercise, use steroids or develop eating disorders due to a poor body image.
Heart disease – Higher rates of heart disease have been reported by bisexual women compared to heterosexual women.
Depression/anxiety – Bisexual men and women have reported higher levels of anxiety and depression than heterosexuals and sometimes higher than gay men and lesbians. The issues are likely to be more severe for those who lack social support and those who are unable or unwilling to disclose their sexuality.
Social support/emotional well-being – Bisexual women have reported the lowest levels of social support. Bisexual men and women have the lowest emotional well-being of any sexual orientation group.
Self-harm/suicide attempts – Bisexual women and men have reported higher levels of suicide attempts, self-harm and suicidal thoughts than heterosexuals and higher than gay men and lesbians in some studies.

Dr. M. Mirza, lgbt health wellness .com – 2015