The Compton Riots

When discussing historical events that impacted the transgender community, the first one that usually comes to mind is the Stonewall Riot: NYC, 1969. Started by a small group of trans women, it has long been considered to be the birth of the gay-rights movement.

However, in conducting research regarding Stonewall, I stumbled across a photo that guided me to another, lesser known riot — preceding Stonewall — referred to The Compton Riot, that occured in San Francisco in 1966. This piece of history resonated with me; it focused on the transgendered community, and the magnitude of the despair the “Queens” endured each day while living in the Tenderloin [area of San Francisco], and their victories that followed.

Therefore, the Compton Riot seemed like the better historical starting point for the Transgender Reporter history section.

Gene Compton’s was an all night restaurant located in the Tenderloin district of San Francisco. This was a district frequented by all members of the homosexual community and included the “Drag Queens”. The term Transsexual was first used by Dr. Harry Benjamin in his book The Transsexual Phenomenon. Until it became more popular, transsexual and transgendered women (in particular) were lumped in with the homosexual community as Drag Queens, or transvestites, though within the community just referred to as “queens.”

Compton’s, located on the corner of Turk and Taylor, was the major hangout for the queens in the 1960s. Prior to the riot, the life of a Queen was usually in the clubs as alternative dancers or on the streets as prostitutes. The police gave the transgendered community the sense that they belonged in the Tenderloin and could not leave. Through the interview process, it was easy to learn that these ladies could not obtain or hold regular paying jobs in many cases.

Even the ones who worked as dancers did so because the bar owner had friends on the force. One such entertainer was Aleshia Brevard, who is interviewed for the documentary,who did go on to some mainstream success as an actress, and the author of “The Woman I was Not Born To Be: A Transsexual Journey.”

There was a lot of corruption in the district. In 1966, “impersonating a woman” was a criminal offense. Since most jobs required an ID, and since transgendered women were not legal, it was obvious that any work these girls did, they probably did outside of what was considered “honest work” at the time. On a regular basis these women would be picked up by the cops and forced to spend — in some cases — days in lockup. For instance, one woman spent 60 days in the hole because she would not let the cops shave her head. It was a mutual feeling that the cops were out to get the ladies, and this fueled a growing mistrust in the authority figures of the time.

It is important to remember that the Civil Rights movement was in full swing in 1966. For the most part, the movement was more about race, but from 1966 to 69, sexual minorities also began to speak up. Until this point, in the Tenderloin, the transgendered women were largely unorganized. There was no leadership, no guidance and nobody willing to step up and say “enough”. That changed when an organization known as the Vanguard began to grow in popularity and numbers. Vanguard was not accepted by everyone in the Transgendered community and was made up largely of hustlers and drag queens. Compton’s diner was a regular meeting point for members of this new “club.”

However, management of Compton’s didn’t like this new attitude being displayed by the Vanguard members, and that — considered by many — is what really lit the fuse to the Compton Riot.

The Compton management would not allow these Vanguard members to frequent the diner, but by this point, members of the Vanguard were fed up; they wanted their rights. One interviewer notes that they were tired of being forced into the men’s room when they were dressed as a woman. They were being kicked out of Compton’s regularly, and felt that they were not being treated fairly. So, they picketed in front of Compton’s on July 18th.

This was their first major political action, but it failed to achieve its goals.

On the night of the riot, some felt that the cops were there to raid Compton’s to begin with–that it was a setup. The spark occurs when a police officer grabbed one of the Queens by the arm and she threw her coffee in his face. That’s when all hell broke loose. Tables were turned over; windows were shattered with sugar shakers, drag queens took to shoes and purses.

Can you imagine a scene where drag queens are beating cops with purses? It almost seems like right out of a Mel Brooks movie, and, would have been funny if it wasn’t so real. The cops retreated for backup, but those in the restaurant wouldn’t let up. They poured into the streets and kept fighting.

Then the patty wagons showed up and people were fighting and being arrested. Before it was over, a police car was destroyed, and a newsstand set ablaze, and attitudes would change forever in the Tenderloin.

To quote Dr Stryker, director of Screaming Queens: Riot at Compton’s Cafeteria, a documentary of the event, ”It was the first known instance of collective militant queer resistance to police harassment in US History.”

A lot of folks went to jail, but in the end it resulted in freedom and joy. The transgendered women would try on clothes freely in shops. They could dress like women all the time. To quote an interviewee, they didn’t have to be “Hair Fairies” anymore. What was “inside” could freely be expressed publicly. They were liberated.

From that point on, life for the transgendered changed. They even garnered an unlikely advocate in Police Sergeant Elliot Blackstone: an important figure in the human rights movement for Transgendered women in the San Francisco area. He believed that if “people wanted to be left alone, that they had the right to be left alone.”

Another key figure who emerged after the riot was Dr. Joel Forte — who created the “Center for Special Problems.” It may seem like a poorly labeled office, but it introduced ground-breaking initiatives: One benefit from this center was to create special ID cards for the transgendered community, which in turn allowed them to obtain regular paying jobs.

If you watch the Screaming Queens documentary, one such card shows that a person was “UNDER THE TREATMENT AT THE CENTER FOR SPECIAL PROBLEMS FOR TRANSSEXUALISM.” Clearly society has come a long way since then. But this was important and unprecedented at the time; a new path forward when none existed prior; it was new opportunity and a sense of renewed hopes.

It becomes obvious after understanding what happened in the Tenderloin how and why the Queens finally organized and stood up for their rights to be women. They experienced many victories during the years tha followed. And most recently , during the past five to ten years, there has been leaps forwards in the rights of transgender people, where they are now allowed to be the men and women they always knew they were from the start.

I intend to do follow-up articles from this event, highlighting some of the folks mentioned, and provide biographies of what they contributed to this movement, and beyond.

NOTES: Susan Stryker uncovered the story while doing research at the Gay and Lesbian Historical Society, and then directed the documentary “Screaming Queens: The Riot at Compton’s Cafeteria,” the source from which I gleaned much of the information I listed here.

Susan received her PhD in History, and in the documentary pieces together the story, as well as the cause and effect of events that led to the riot.

30 September 2011 by Amanda Michael @tglife.com

Gay Travel In India

It is easy to get bored of spending vacations in Europe, Argentina and the more exotic locations around the world. This is when most travelers think of coming to Asia for their next yearly vacation. For any LGBT + traveler, however, Asia is far from the ideal location for travel, unless the focus is on sightseeing and not LGBT services. If you or one of your friends is planning to drop in to India for a short while, there are things that are necessary to know before making the trip, if the plan is not to make the trip a disaster.

India is almost a homophobic country. Though you will get a lot of eye candy in the form of her ancient heritage and monuments, it is not for you if you’re looking forward to a week of gay bars and partying. Homosexuality is illegal here, and PDA is an offence. If you’re caught doing PDA with your gay lover, you can easily expect a night or more in jail. Holding hands does not count, by the way, but you’ll be better off without it.

Once you are clear about your objective for visiting India, choosing where all to visit is crucial, since the country is so huge and full of travelers’ havens that going to every tourist location in one trip is not possible. The first place you might want to look at is what is popularly known as The Golden Triangle – Delhi, Agra and Jaipur. All three cities overflow with Mughal heritage and monuments, famously the Taj Mahal in Agra, the Red Fort in Delhi and loads of Mahals in Jaipur. What to expect here? – Huge castles and fortresses, a lot of heat, a lot of traditionally dressed women – basically, a lot of India. You can also extend your trip to other cities in Rajasthan, such as Udaipur, if you can stand the heat and love Mughal architecture. And for travelers especially looking forward to gay activity, there are several bars in New Delhi that have a gay night once a week.

Going south, there are cities like Mumbai, Kerala, Goa, Chennai, and a lot of hill stations like Kodaikanal and Ooty. While Mumbai has some spectacular monuments (and gay parties every now and then), like the Gateway of India, and museums, Chennai and nearby cities have some mind blowing temples. The architecture of these temples has been the primary attraction for tourists for years, all of whom can not get over the façade, the interior and just about everything about them. The immense scribbling on the façade by tourists is just proof that these temples are popular indeed!

Goa is full of exotic beaches, great nightlife and very cheap alcohol. Coming to Kerala and the hill stations of South India, here is natural beauty if there ever is anywhere. Kerala is not known as “God’s Own Country” for no reason, after all. The scenery is refreshing, serene and breathtaking. Full of lush trees and beautiful lagoons (or backwaters), Kerala is the place for you if you want to de-stress.

Northern India, too, has some scenic displays for the tourist. Leh, freezing cold, but fascinating, is a must visit for anyone looking for the perfect hill station. Then there is the disputed and terrorized territory of Jammu and Kashmir. Don’t call me crazy for this, but there isn’t much to fear while visiting the state, since the police patrol the area, and tourists visit it, all the time. If you are looking for a spiritual tour, you can probably visit the famous Badrinath and Kedarnath temples in the Himachal area and Vaishno Devi, one of the most popular Hindu temples anywhere, in J&K.

Keep in mind that asking for gay parties and bars is something of a risk in India. It is better that you look for these in online forums and discussions, get in touch with a few local guys who know the gay scene here, and then make your move. Staying in hotels is not an issue in India, since men often share a room to cut down travel expenses. Just know that advertising your sexuality will only work against you here. The rest said, enjoy India!

Article written by Shahrukh K. – 2009

Creating A New Wardrobe On A Budget

Transition is expensive. In my wardrobe consultations with a new TG woman, we establish how to begin buying on a basic backbone while incorporating the concept of “Capsule Dressing”.

For example, buying one high quality skirt suit in a solid color and wearing the skirt several times per week. Pair them with less expensive blouses, sweaters or quality cotton T-shirts, from a discount store. Your next good purchase will be a classic dress that could be dressed up with pearls, or down with your classic pump. A black cocktail dress is another basic that you can wear for different occasions, from a dressy dinner to a formal play or opera. Go for a fitted classic line, simple but sophisticated. By using Capsule Dressing, and building your wardrobe on a basic style and color backbone, you will begin to see your wardrobe build and improve. Here are more tips for creating your wardrobe on a budget, emphasis being kept on classic pieces, not fad.

What shoes are best for the TG woman for business?

I suggest an open toe and heel pump in a low heel. A sling back is ideal for the wider foot. A pair of good quality boots for winter and rainy days. Scandals and tennis shoes for summer and Friday casual. Always be sure your shoes are darker than your purse, or outfit. Remember, it is best to keep your heel under 3 inches for business attire. Be sure your pump matches your bag as closely as possible. If you wear a belt, try to match it to your shoe. TG women generally need to wear a woman’s WIDE or an open toe in a medium and Nordstrom’s and PayLess Shoes carry size 10 and over and have several styles in WIDE.

Avoid wearing rhinestones, pearls, black hosiery, or any shiny fabric during the day.

Keep your look casual- sophisticated, and add femininity with colorful scarf’s, blouses, classic jewelry, and feminine accessories. Don’t be afraid to add accessories, they can be a girls best friend. Try fun things; a wool pull over cap or beret for those rainy mornings, or add a matching cashmere scarf and gloves. Straw hat and bag for summer, or pretty clips for your hair. Look in magazines and at other women to get ideas, experiment with how comfortable you are with adding in accessories and changing your look. Also, experiment with different hairstyles, perhaps wearing a French Twist or perhaps pinning a flower behind your ear for evening, gives you another look.

Should you buy expensive hosiery?

I have not found much difference between the two. Stock up on several pair and always watch for a sale. Often a store such as Mervyn’s will have a sale advertised so go early as the best colors fly out of the store; as women purchase 5-10 pair at sales. Also, stores such as K-Mart and Walgreens have some great pantyhose, so don’t feel you have to pay more. Look for the tall sizes in hosiery as they generally fit the TG woman’s frame better. Wear a hosiery color that is as close to your natural skin tone as possible. Always wear darker hose after October and wear lighter hose (scandal foot toe) starting around Easter. Sheer hose run very easily, so I recommend you select hosiery that has some spandex; generally these hose are called mild to medium support. Total support (opaque) hose are ideal for the CD that doesn’t always have the opportunity to shave her legs.

Also, purchase a lingerie bag for your washing machine that zips up. (Available at most retail stores in their lingerie department for under $15.00) Tossing your delicates in this lingerie bag helps to machine-wash your hosiery and bras without ruining them (use the delicate wash cycle). I also use my lingerie bag to wash good sweaters and other more expensive delicate items. I generally don’t use the dryer for my better clothes. Purchase a small clothes line for your garage area and hang 75% of your better clothing, or of course have it dry-cleaned. I recently bought a new Maytag Washing Machine, as it does not have the center spin pole that twists clothing. Consider this the next time you need to purchase a new washer/dryer. Keeping your clothing clean is an important part of looking feminine.

I recommend all my TG women have a “beauty day” (Sat or Sun) when they wash, iron and sew their stained or torn items. And, every 2-3 weeks you’re off to the nail salon to get your acrylic nails filled, and of course make time to color your hair and or eyebrows. Basically, stay ahead of the dressing game; and be prepared for the next week. Gosh, being a girl and looking good is hard work!

Twin sets (shells with a matching cardigan) are ideal for work and for cooler evenings. They also help cover larger upper arms and shoulders. Tunic (open slits on the sides) pantsuits are also ideal for the TG woman. Add one good umbrella, winter coat, and raincoat with a zipper lining.

Need to hide a potbelly?

Jackets and sweater vest hide a barrel shape belly, just add a feminine blouse! Clothing that drapes is better than tight clothing that you tuck. Loose is best, always. Again, a tunic style top is ideal to hide a multitude of sin. Consider waistbands that have elastic and have the blouse or sweater always on the outside. Keep one solid color around the waist area.

What is the best length winter coat to buy? Three-quarter, or knee-length, to go with pants or skirts. Short winter coats generally do not look good with a dress or skirt. And, girls keep your winter coat clean, especially if it is black. Keep a lint brush in your closet.

What’s the best coat choice for everyone?

A trench coat with zip-out lining or a wool knee length in one of your basic colors. Remember to buy your expensive items; such as your winter coat, boots, shoes and leather handbags/wallets, during the off-season in January. Shop stores such as Wilsons Leather for a 50% on your leather or better retail stores have an end of the year sale for these items.

High quality polyester travels well without wrinkling. Also add a few expensive fabrics, a silk blouse and some pretty cashmere sweaters, and wool gabardine suits. I love Jones of New York, Ann Taylor, and Liz Claiborne for great fabrics with lining for my business suits.

Ideally, the best time to buy is twice a year at the beginning of the season.

For TG women a good alterations person is a must. Buy larger tops for your shoulders and longer arm length and have your pants and skirts taken in or purchase tops that do not have buttons or zippers. A good alterations person is a must-do expense. If you prefer to wear hip pads, please wear padding on the smaller size, over time these become annoying. I encourage my TS women to generally not wear a bra over a C cup, and to keep hip padding minimal, if any.

Does dress size matter?

Yes. If you’re a perfect size 10-12 woman, you can buy less expensive clothes and they won’t pull on you. If you’re larger and don’t have a lot to spend, I suggest saving for one good outfit. Also, check for correct dress sizing.

Most TG women will wear Misses or Womens clothing so always measure yourself and understand what category you wear, before ordering anything from a catalog. If you’re able to try on clothing at a department store, you will be happier with your results. Perhaps take your SO or a genetic female with you, if you’re uncomfortable in the dressing room.

How do you draw the eye up to your face and away from larger shoulders and hands?

Wear great earrings and necklaces drawing attention to your face. I always encourage my TG women to not wear large rings or dark nail polish. Keep your nails manicured and have acrylic tips applied at your nail salon, to give your hands a more feminine look. A short to medium length is best, or an athletic length. For mature women, an oval nail shape is generally best, leaving the square tips for the younger women. If you feel your hands are too large, it is best to wear only one thin ring on each hand, or no rings at all. Again, the white French-tip acrylic nails applied at a nail salon are the absolute best effect for large hands.

What it the best jewelry color to buy?

I suggest buying pieces combining both gold and silver. This prevents you from having to buy all your pieces in both colors and this is an important tip to remember when you’re buying your watch. When you’re first beginning to purchase your jewelry buy simple pieces. Another tip I recommend for TG women is to wear jewelry in three of your four jewelry zones. Your four zones for jewelry are: ears, neck, wrist, and fingers. Leave out the zone that you don’t want to bring the most attention to. Wearing all four zones is too much jewelry for a TG woman.

Organizing Your Closet For Transition

Before a new TG woman purchases new clothing for her wardrobe, she should organize her closet and chest of drawers. How do you begin the process of knowing what clothing will work for transition? Get rid of the 50 percent of clothes that you don’t wear and keep clothes you wear most of the time. A good rule is, if you haven’t worn something in 3 years, there is a reason. Toss it out of your closet; you can’t afford a cluttered closet on those busy mornings getting out of the house in your new femme role. (Donate clothing that is in good shape, to a woman’s organization-not GoodWill.) Getting out dressed in femme is much harder than most new TS women anticipate. Remember, time is the enemy. Running late and looking half put together can ruin the experience of transition, and I see this as one of biggest problems encountered by TS women re-entering the work force. Here are a few tips I have learned from helping clients with their closets.

First, install a good light in your closet, and put a door mirror close by. Purchase extra shoe storage and plastic wardrobe boxes for folding your small items. Purchase good hangers (all available from K-Mart) and toss out all those wire hangers. Install hooks to hang necklaces, braclets, belts and purses. Buy a compartmentalized jewelry cabinet for fine jewelry. Use the special hangers designed for your skirts and pants. Keep scarves folded in plastic containers on a shelf for easy access or hang them with the outfits that match.

Next, determine if your prefer putting all your colors together, or putting pieces together, or assembling complete outfits including their accessories, on one hanger. This is very important for you new girls transitioning at work. Have separate drawers for your cotton T-shirts, workout clothes, undergarments, hose and socks. I recently bought a lingerie chest and I love it! They are tall with thin drawers and can easily fit in a corner of your closet or room. Always look for old chest of drawers at garage sales with large, deep drawers. You can always store chests in your closet or room for the clothing you fold.

Some women separate business, casual and evening clothes into different areas of your closet and others (including myself) separate clothing by sizes. In other words your thin clothing and your fat clothing! Consider hanging your evening and cocktail gowns and expensive fabrics in a zippered garment bag in the back of your closet or in another closet in the house. Store dressy shoes, evening bags, and accessories together in plastic (clear) wardrobe boxes, and again K-Mart has these containers. Also, organize your vanity or makeup area with good lighting, mirrors and remember to give your bedroom a new splash of color with a new feminine bed spread and color coordinated throw pillows. Make it fun ladies; this is what you have always wanted, so go for it

I recommend putting a clock nearby with a radio. And, give yourself enough time to get dressed. It is much more time consuming to pull yourself together as a woman. It takes time, energy, shopping, and it requires you to get up at least one hour earlier in the morning. By being organized, and having at least 5 outfits fully coordinated (like a uniform) you will find getting out of the house to be a more enjoyable experience ~ therefore helping you create success in your new femme role.

Now, get busy with organizing your closet!

2008, by Denaë Doyle @femimage.com

Skin Care Tips For Trans Women

I recently spoke with a beautiful woman, who is 74 years old, and looks 50. She shared a few of her “natural, in-expensive” skin care tips.

1. Avoid soaking in your bathtub, or taking long showers–as this destroyus the substances that keep skin cells intact. And, avoid bath oils in the bath-as the oil is wasted going down the drain and can make for a slippery tub to fall in. Oils are best applied when you get of of the bath or shower, after you are well rinsed off and gently towel dried.

2. Use a pure plant oil, such as olive oil, after your mositurizer over dry areas. She has used olive oil for over 50 years. I have read about using olive in, in many other beauty books also! I always put lip balm at night to prevent dry lips, which allows day time lipstick to smoothly glide across. And, gloss (or “Chap Stick” during the day, if in guy mode).

3. Lastly, get rid of all the dry, dead skin! We have many layers of skin, and if you have never removed the first layer…you will be shocked at how gray your top layer of skin is. Turn skin cell over with a good AHA or BHA- which can be found in your local drug store. Ask for help. Many men use this, for a healthy, younger look in guy mode. Shaving does help, but you do need additional help to remove the years of buildup of old skin cells and allowing them to be replaced by newer, smoother ones. So, for these beauty tips, visit your grocery store, or drug store, and get your skin ready or summer ~ and for a smoother look while wearing makeup!

Also, don’t forget to wear sunblock on your chest and arms for protection, and to avoid the “male shirt-tan” which is difficult to hide …when wearing a lovely open cut blouse. And, wear a hat and sun-glasses to protect your eyes from getting burned also! Now, I’m off to the beach, with my hair, eyes, and skin protected! After all, I am in Santa Cruz, CA just one mile from the beach!

2008, Dane @femimage.com

Why do Lesbians Hate Bisexuals?

Are you a Gold Star Lesbian? What do you mean you don’t know what one is? It’s a lesbian who’s never slept with a man, of course. Gold stars for the pure, no stars for the contaminated but repentant, and as for those greedy bisexuals… Well, what about those bisexuals? Those betraying, confused, promiscuous, untrustworthy fence-sitters that crept into the jolly LGBT acronym but will never know how it feels to be truly oppressed.

What a joke. Bi folk get it twice of course – as well as straightforward homophobia, they also have to face biphobia from both the straight and gay community.

But what, exactly, is biphobia? Cheryl Dobinson from bi zine The Fence describes it simply as “any type of discrimination, oppression or prejudice that is directed at or specifically affects bisexual people.” The ‘hilarious’ Gold Star Lesbian label, for example. And if it’s not prejudice masquerading as humour, it’s prejudice wrapped in ignorance.

“There’s this presumption that bisexuality is a transient phase that you dip in and out of,” explains Leeds student Laura Nieurzyla. “Like the time my mum asked me if I was ‘still’ bisexual because I was currently involved with a man, or when my gay friend seriously asked me if I would identify as gay if my next relationship was with a woman. It isn’t meant nastily, but can still get a bit tedious.”

So let’s set some bi myths uh, straight. Yes, some people genuinely do feel attraction to both men and women. No, it’s not a phase, or greed, or indecision. No, they don’t all need to have a boyfriend and a girlfriend at the same time. Yes, they are just as faithful as anyone else. No, you’re not likely to catch more diseases from them, because no, they’re not any more likely to be promiscuous.

And the greatest myth of all? That there just aren’t many bisexual women around. Actually, in a recent US study, two-thirds of self-defined lesbians reported feelings of attraction to men. Yikes.

Bisexual Lesbians

The study published in Explaining Diversity in the Development of Same-Sex Sexuality Among Young Women by Lisa M. Diamond and Ritch C. Savin-Williams involved interviewing 100 women over two years. The scientists found that two thirds of the 34 women who identified as lesbian reported periodic attractions to men.

One study is interesting but not terribly statistically significant; however, it’s not the only report to find that self-identified lesbians sometimes feel attraction to men. A separate paper published in 1994, for example, found that of the 4.4% of American women who reported experiencing same-sex attraction, 94% were also attracted to men.

So if lesbians are sometimes attracted to men, does it follow that straight women are sometimes attracted to other women? Yes. In fact possibly as many as 84% of heterosexual women experience same-sex attraction. However, as Lisa Diamond notes, “A reliable answer to this question is elusive, given the stigma that prevents heterosexual women from readily acknowledging same-sex attractions.”

But back up. What does this all mean? How can 66% of lesbians – let alone 95% – be attracted to men? That would make them bisexual for a start, not lesbian, surely? Well, no actually.

Lesbian Subculture

‘Lesbian’ means so much more than just being attracted to people of the same gender as yourself. It’s a subculture. You might not like everything or everyone that shares your subculture, but there is still an underlying solidarity and strength to it that we are all part of. Being a lesbian means knowing that there are bars, towns, TV programmes and haircuts that are yours. Yes they might be crap, but they’re yours. They’re ours. So is it so difficult to understand why so many lesbians are unwilling to give all this up, just because they sometimes fancy men?

“I don’t think I would ever tell my mates I sometimes fancy blokes,” explains a woman in her twenties who has asked not to be named. “I know they’d think I was ‘letting down the side’ and I’m scared I’d lose them.”

“I think that the idea of bisexuality can be very threatening and challenging to lesbians,” adds Cheryl. “Some lesbians feel that bisexual women are traitors or betrayers because we can love women, but can also ‘sleep with the enemy.’”

Lesbianism as a political rather than an emotional or social act definitely gives a new slant to some lesbians’ feelings about bisexuality. As Cheryl explains, “there can be concerns about the political implications [of bisexuality], with some lesbians seeing bisexuals as blurring boundaries/muddying the waters and potentially weakening the queer political cause. I’ve heard this called something like ‘diluting’ the movement.

“Oh, and a favorite [stereotype] of mine is the idea that bisexual women could be lesbians if only we were stronger or more politically aware or what-have-you. Sort of assuming that we need to have our consciousnesses raised kind of thing, or that we’re ‘weak’ lesbians.”

Getting Over It

Much as homophobia is often an indication of latent homosexual desire, perhaps gay and straight people are sometimes biphobic because they haven’t dealt with their own bisexual desires, and the thought of getting with a guy/girl both attracts and repels them.

But how can we overcome our internalized biphobia without losing our lesbian cultural identity? The answer might be to stop thinking so rigidly about sexuality. Several social scientists point to the concept of a ‘lesbian continuum’ as a better way of interpreting female sexuality than the strict boundaries of gay, bi or straight, a theory that has been absorbed by some LGBT people under the umbrella term queer.

Regardless of whether you believe that you might be a teeny bit attracted to men yourself, or whether the idea appalls your sense of what it is to be a lesbian, the fact remains that there are plenty of women out there who identify as bisexual, and experiencing biphobia is having a negative effect on their health.

Cheryl is a queer health researcher as well as a zine writer. “I can tell you that on many mental health measures – depression, anxiety, self-harm, suicidality – research shows that bisexual people tend to report higher rates than both straight and gay people,” she says.

“I think that the reasons are primarily related to biphobia, and that we should all be aware of this and be concerned about the damage that biphobia can have.” In other words, no it’s not ‘harmless fun’. And please, no more with the lame Gold Star jibes.

This article was published in April 2008 at lesbilicious.co.uk

Ten Transgender Voice Tips

1. WATCH OUT FOR DRYNESS.

Dry climates, excessive talking, poor intake of water or clear liquids, and too much caffeine (to name a few) will dry out the throat and vocal folds. When the vocal folds become dry, they become stiffer, which makes it much harder to control your pitch. You may experience more pitch and voice breaks when your dehydrated. Depending on body size and the climate where you live, most TG women should consume between two and four liters of water daily. Remember the saying, “pee pale.”

2. GET YOUR BEAUTY REST.

Poor sleep is near the top of the list of problems that have a negative impact on the voice. Inadequate sleep results in physical fatigue causing a loss of mental focus on your voice techniques. Common remedies include the use of ear plugs, eye shades and room darkening window coverings. Also avoid caffeine, sugar, and junk food. Practice meditative or breathing relaxation techniques on a regular basis and go to bed when you’re tired, don’t resist sleep.

3. AVOID YOUR SMOKING AND USE OF ALCOHOL, DRUGS AND MARIJUANA.

Alcohol and most recreational drugs (i.e., cocaine) have a significant drying and irritating effect on the vocal folds. Marijuana and cigarette smoke are highly irritating to the delicate issues (mucosa) of the vocal folds. The heat and dry smoke “burn” the vocal mucosa causing redness, swelling (in some cases) and poor vibration.

4. AVOID THROAT CLEARING.

The vocal folds make contact (vibrate) every time you make a sound. When you clear your throat, the vocal folds “slap” together, which, if done excessively, will irritate your vocal folds. Sip water instead of clearing your throat. Keep a water bottle (near room temperature) with you at all times. If you experience excessive mucous and feel it’s impossible to avoid clearing your throat, contact your doctor-there may be medical problems underlying the excessive mucous production.

5. DO YOU SUFFER FROM ACID REFLUX?

Gastroesphageal reflux is a medical problem that requires diagnosis and treatment by your physician. Symptoms of gastric reflux are not always consistent with heart-burn. If you experience excessive mucous, a bitter taste in your mouth, a rough “morning” voice, or frequent belching, you may have acid reflux. Contact your doctor. Acid is a problem for the TG woman’s voice because the chronic irritation to the vocal folds from stomach acid will make it very difficult for you to have a “beautiful” feminine voice.

6. AVOID EXCESSIVE LOUD TALKING.

When environmental background noise is high, when we’re talking on the telephone, or in the car, there is a natural phenomenon to push the voice (called the Lombard Effect). This vocal strain can create vocal fold irritation and leave you with a rough, husky voice. The solution is to learn techniques for controlling airflow and reducing tension in the neck when you speak in noise.

7. BREATHE RIGHT FOR A BETTER VOICE.

The single best technique you can learn for your voice is abdominal/diaphragmatic breathing. There are many ways to learn these techniques. Learn to speak from your diaphragm.

8. THAT DARN TELEPHONE.

“Yes, sir,” may be two of the most annoying words when you’re speaking to someone on the telephone. The answer to this problem is to warm-up your voice and “tune” your pitch before you makes calls. Use an upward inflection when you speak. Avoid speaking in a whisper.

9. WHEN YOU’RE SICK (with a cold).

Acute laryngitis occurs when your sick with the flu or a bacterial infection. The “common cold” sometimes affect the voice, and when it does your pitch will drop significantly. Treat your cold, rest your voice, drink plenty of water and warm-up gently. When in doubt REST YOUR VOICE.

10. MEDICATION.

Some medications (like tricyclic antidepressants and decongestants for treating allergies) have a drying effect. The solution is to speak with your doctor about your medications if you are experiencing excessive dryness that does not resolve by increasing your hydration.

Interview with Denae Doyle and Kathy Perez Voice Pathlogiost in CO.

2008 – Denae Doyle ~ @femimage.com

Lingerie Glossary

Lingerie Glossary 101 ~ Cruious about what to call our feminine unmentionables?

Ladies, I am often asked about feminine terms. Now you don’t have to be curious about a name, phrase or word related to womens lingerie. Here are the most important terms you will need when shopping, I like to call it ~ Lingerie Glossary 101

Now you will know from A to Z the correct name, terms and fabrics used to describe womans lingerie; the types of frabric, the different names of hosiery, different names for specific bras, panties, bustier, bridal lingerie, camisole, and all the other unmentionables!

Adjustable Back: The back of a garment, usually a bra, which has multiple settings to allow for individual sizing preferences. Typically, adjustments are made with hook-and-eye closures.

Adjustable Shoulder Straps: Straps located on bras, shapewear, chemises, slips and other undergarments that allow for shortening or lengthening that provide wearer with the desired fit.

Air Bra: Bra that contains air-filled pads in the cups for a fuller, natural shape. Many CD’s enjoy the natural look. Also, Gel Bra gives that nice silicon feel.

All Over Shaper: Type of women’s shapewear bodysuit designed to hold a woman’s breast, stomach, buttocks etc. in a particular position of an aesthetically pleasing silhouette.

Arthritis Bra: Bra designed especially for women with limited hand or upper body dexterity resulting from arthritis, multiple sclerosis, fibromyalgia, torn rotator cuff, or other limiting conditions. The features of an Arthritis Bra may include larger hook closures, Velcro or loop closures for easy dressing. Helpful for many CD’s with wider shoulders.

Athletic Underwear: Varied range of underwear that is generally worn for athletic pursuits: the gym, sports, running, biking etc. Some features of athletic underwear may include wicking power (draws moisture away from your body), compression (for energy conservation and muscle support), mesh (for ventilation), specific silhouettes (tank tops) and stretch (for body-hugging security during athletic activity and a body-conscious look for fit men and women).

Average-Figure Bra: Bra that offers light to moderate support, with narrow straps, back and sides. Average-Figure Bras usually made from slightly firmer material.

Baby Doll: Woman’s short nightgown sometimes with lace, ruffles, bows and ribbons, optionally with spaghetti straps. Sometimes Baby Dolls are made of sheer cloth, like chiffon.

Back Closure: Part of the bra that hooks together behind the back and consists of two or three rows of hook-and-eye clasps.

Backless Bra: Style of bra that usually fastens low on the back so it can be worn with backless gowns.

Back Seams: Stitched seam running from heel to buttock on the back of stockings or shapewear designed to give the leg a sexy line and lean appearance.

Balconet or Balcony Bra: Bra styled to create a lifted, fuller round look with push-up features, wide straps and a low-cut décolletage.

Banded Underwire: A bra with a Banded Underwire has an extra piece of fabric below the underwire to give extra control.

Band-less Underwire In a bra with a Band-less Underwire, the underwire is the bottom of the bra. This look is designed to be more natural.

Bikini: A women’s panty or men’s brief style cut in the shape of a swim bikini. They usually offer more coverage than a thong and less than a standard brief. Typically, this brief sits far below the navel and low on the hips but is slightly higher than a low-ride or hipster cut. The sides are usually high cut, occasionally with strings, or with thin widths of fabric that connect the front to the back.

Bodice: The portion of a woman’s garment that covers the upper part of a woman’s body, including the breasts.

Bodysuit: Garment made from stretchy opaque fabric, similar to that of a leotard, which covers the entire body from neck to ankle.

Boning: Originally, corsets and bustiers were given their structured form by stitching whalebone, or similar bone, into the garment. Today, similar yet less restrictive garments are structured with man-made “bones” as support. Boning creates a defined waistline and shapely torso. Boning is also used in some bras to achieve a certain shape and support.

Boot Length Sock: Slightly longer men’s sock style designed to be worn with boots.

Bottom Shaper: Type of shapewear designed to shape a woman’s buttocks. For CD’s look for the highest waistband that will not roll down. Look for a thick band, under your bra.

Boyshort: Panty designed for women with higher cut leg holes and lower riding waistline. Legs usually rest just above or at the buttock-thigh crease, with the waist on or below the hip. Also known as “Boylegs”.

Bra Size: A Bra Size is made up of a number (in inches), determined by measuring around the body over the largest portion of the breasts (e.g. 34, 36, 38, etc.); and a letter, determined by measuring under the breasts, then calculating the difference between the two numbers (e.g. B, C, D, etc.). Examples of bra sizes would be 34B, 36C (the average size), 38D, etc.

Brassiere: Long form of Bra, a woman’s undergarment worn to support and give contour to the breasts.

Breast Forms: Silicon breast forms that fit in many bras for the CD. There are also “TABS” which look exactly like silicon breast forms but are not silicon and are much less expensive. Look for a bra with insert. Or, a breast form that you can hold on with Velcro .

Bridal Lingerie: Type of bras, bustiers, corsets etc. characterized by sensual attributes (sheer fabric, decorative flourish, racy silhouette) that are worn on wedding nights or for similarly seductive situations.

Brief: Close fitting, knitted undergarment with an elastic waistband, with or without an overlapping fly front. Originally inspired by the brief swimsuits worn in the South of France in the 1930s.

Bustier: A bustier is a one-piece garment that uses flexible boning to give a desired shape. Its length varies, going from the bust, down to anywhere between the rib cage and the hips.

Bust Shaper: Type of shapewear designed to hold a woman’s bust in particular form.

Camisole: A garment fashioned to wear under blouses, suits, etc. that covers from bust to waist. Usually sleeveless, camisoles – or camis – traditionally offer little if any breast support, though some modern styles now incorporate a sewn-in bra for additional support. Some contemporary styles are worn as outerwear.

Camisole Straps: Camisole straps are usually found on full-figure bras. This type of strap is actually an extension of the cup, and give a smooth shoulder line.

Camouflage: Inspired by military fatigues designed to help hide troupes in the jungle, camouflage is a random pattern usually consisting of earth tones and is sometimes used as a print on trendy undergarments.

Casual: A broad hosiery term used to describe all women’s sock and any men’s socks with the exception of dress, athletic, and work styles.

Chantilly Lace: A delicate ornamental lace usually in black or white with an outlined design pattern. Typically floral, these designs are sometimes used to embellish women’s underwear.

Charmeuse: A shiny, opaque fabric.

Chemise: A woman’s sleeveless undergarment or loose-fitting dress that hangs straight from the shoulder without a waist.

Chest/Back Shaper: Shapewear piece designed to hold a woman’s chest and/or back in particular form.

Chiffon: An extremely light, thin and sheer fabric usually made of nylon, rayon or silk.

Clear Straps: Transparent straps on bras made from stretch synthetics, such as polyethtlene, meant to be worn with garments where strap invisibility is desired. Clear straps can be at the shoulders and also between the cups in order to accommodate plunging necklines.

Cleavage: The clef, separation or hollow visible between a woman’s breasts when a low-cut garment is worn.

Combed Cotton: Type of extra-soft cotton. When cotton or another fabric is “combed” the shortest, additional fibers of a batch are removed. The result produces high-quality yarns with excellent strength and softness.

Comfort Top: A wide ribbed nylon band that holds sheer knee-highs up without cramping the calf.

Comfort Straps: Various types of bra straps that can be cushioned, made from gel or constructed wider for more comfort around the shoulder area.

Compression Bra: A bra designed to hold the breasts firmly against the body and restrict their movement. Compression Bras may be used for minimizing or for athletic endeavors, such as running.

Compression Underwear: Performance underwear that utilizes body-hugging synthetic fabrics for muscle support during athletic endeavors.

Contour Bra: A bra designed to help create a shapely silhouette. Typically padded, contour bras usually have underwires and provide shape and support. A Contour Bra also designed not to show, providing a natural look.

Control Brief: A panty shaped like a brief but designed to flatten the tummy and give support while providing a smooth silhouette.

Control Panty: A panty that is designed to provide support and enhance the shape of the tummy, bottom and waist.

Control Top Pantyhose with spandex in the top for soft girdle or “control” effect.

Convertible Bra: A bra that is designed with straps that may facilitate a variety of styles. The straps may be moved, removed and/or adjusted to create looks such as halter, strapless, crisscross or open back. A Convertible Bra is an innovation that gives women flexibility with a single garment. The straps can be worn or detached, or can be crisscrossed in the back like a halter top.

Corset: Type of tight-fitting, body-enhancing undergarment used for centuries by women to create an hour glass-shaped silhouette. Modern lingerie variations of the corset tend to be less restrictive and more comfortable.

Cotton: A unicellular, natural fiber that grows in the seedpod of the cotton plant. Fibers are typically 0.5 inch to 2 inches long. The longest staple fibers, longer than 1.5 inch, including the Pima and Egyptian varieties, produce the highest quality cotton fabrics. Underwear made from Pima cotton is known for its super-soft, luxurious qualities.

Crew Neck: Term that applies to a T-shirt with a neckline that forms a round, collarless circle around the neck.

Cut and Sewn Cups: Cut and sewn cups have seams because they’re made of two or three pieces of material sewn together. The seams of Cut and Sewn Cups will show through clothing.

Décolletage: A low neckline on a woman’s garment.

Demi Bra: Low-cut bra designed to enhance the cleavage.

Demi Cups: The fabric triangle of the bra that covers the breast, designed proportionate to half a full cup, the demi typically runs straight across the breast just above the nipple and has a low center front.

Drawstring Waist: A waistband designed with a fabric chord that can be pulled to adjust to an individual’s own size.

Dress Socks: Light to medium weight men’s and boy’s styles. Lengths may vary from mid to over-the-calf.

Drip Dry: Allowing recently washed garments to dry naturally by lying flat or hanging. Most lingerie requires this method to retain structure and it is recommended that sun be avoided.

Elastane: A fabric designed with elasticity that adds stretch.

Elastic: A band of rubber or latex that has the property of high elasticity. Used for the waistband of certain styles of underwear.

Embossed: Embellished with a raised pattern created by pressure or embroidery – “brocaded silk”, “embossed satin”, “embossed leather”, “raised needlework” etc.

Embroidery: Decorative designs made from needlework or machines.

Fishnet: An open mesh fabric that has the appearance of netting and is often used to make stockings.

Flatlock Seams: Seams that are sewn flat for less bulk and less abrasion against the skin.

Frame: The frame of a bra holds the cups and sides together, and runs from the center of the bra, around the cups, and around to the sides.

Footsocks: Hosiery with a top which does not extend above the ankle bone. Also known as “footies”.

Front Close: A type of bra closure that is usually hook, barrel or clasp that rests between the breasts in the center front.

Full Brief: A panty style that rests at the waist and has full bottom coverage with a low leg line.

Full Cup Coverage Bra: A bra with the fabric cup covering and encapsulating the entire breast.

Full-Figured Bra: Bra designed for sizes 32-42C, D, or DD, and covers a larger area than average bras. The fabric used is heavier, the straps are wider and sometimes padded for extra comfort.

Full Support Bra: Type of bra that usually has an underwire or plastic boning holding them up. They can be worn by women of any breast size, and are specially suited for those with larger cup sizes. These bras offer a shapely cut and are built more like bikini tops than underwear. These also come in padded or unpadded version and are flattering on any figure type.

Fully-Padded Bra: A fully-padded bra is designed to give a smooth look, meaning it doesn’t show any seams, and uses fiberfill or foam to enhance the size of small breasts by up to a full size.

G-String: A panty with a very thin (string-like) band of fabric in the back.

Gown: A long dress or sleepwear item, usually floor or ankle length.

Gripper Elastic: Elastic designed to gently grip the skin to hold garment in place. This type of elastic is often seen on strapless bras or thigh-high stockings.

Gusset: The triangular or rectangular usually cotton lining in the crotch area of the panty or shapewear.

Halter Neck: A dress, bra or undergarment style where the fabric wraps behind and around the neck for support. Halters may tie, clasp or be an uninterrupted piece of fabric that slides over the head.

High-Cut Panty: A panty cut high over the thigh and sides but with total back coverage.

Hikini: Panty variation on traditional brief or bikini featuring higher cut leg-holes for a longer leg.

Hip Shaper: Shapewear piece designed to hold a woman’s hips in particular form.

Hipster: Type of panty or brief that is cut low in the front and back. This style of underwear was developed to be worn under low-rise jeans and trousers and also for those who wish to make their torso appear longer. See also Low-Rise.

Hook and Eye: A closure or fastener used to secure bras, corsets, some shapewear and other garments and which allows for adjustability. The fastener includes a small hook secured to one side of the garment that grasps a small partial oval secured to the other side.

Hook Back: A term for garment closures that secure in the back with one or multiple hooks.

Hook Front: A term for garment closures that secure in the front with usually one or sometimes multiple hooks.

Hosiery: Socks and stockings.

Interlock: The stitch variation of the rib stitch, which resembles two separate 1 x 1 ribbed fabrics that are interknitted. Plain (double knit) interlock stitch fabrics are thicker, heavier and more stable than single knit constructions.

Jacquard: Type of fabric weave that creates the effect of an intricate pattern or print.

Jersey Knit: A knit fabric – which can be cotton, silk, wool or synthetic – that has a smooth, flat face and a more textured, but uniform back. Used for panties, briefs, t-shirts, socks and other garments.

Kimono: A loose, light robe worn chiefly by women.

Knee-Highs: Short hosiery that comes up to just below the knee. Some are styled with elastic tops and stay up without the help of garters. They became very popular with the advent of women’s slacks. Knee high socks are also a men’s style of socks that run up to the knee.

Knit Fabric: Fabrics made from only one set of yarns, all running in the same direction. Some knits have their yarns running along the length of the fabric, while others have their yarns running across the width of the fabric. Knit fabrics are held together by looping the yarns around each other. Knitting creates ridges in the resulting fabric. Wales are the ridges that run lengthwise in the fabric; courses run crosswire.

Lace Bra: Provocative style of bra made entirely or almost entirely of lace.

Lace Edging: A type of garment trim sometimes used in lingerie comprised of selvedge lace fabric that is applied to necklines, hems, straps etc. for a decorative flourish.

Lace-Up Back: A closure in the back of a garment, such as a bustier that is a fashionable adjustment device.

Lace-Up Front: A closure in the front of a garment, such as a bustier that is a fashionable adjustment device.

Lace-Up Side: A closure on the side or sides of a garment, such as a bustier that is a fashionable adjustment device.

Laminated: Bonded layers of fabric or cloth.

Ladder Stitching: Garment stitching that resembles ladder rungs.

Latex Free Bra: Bra that is devoid of latex designed to be worn by women who are allergic to latex. A Latex Free Bra can contain nylon and spandex elastic.

Leather: Animal hide.

Leg Shaper: Shapewear piece designed to hold a women’s legs in particular form.

Leotard: Skintight knit hose covering the body from the waist to the feet worn by acrobats and dancers and as stockings by women and girls.

Lounge Pants: Loose-fitting pants constructed from soft, flowy fabrics designed for wearing while relaxing.

Lining: A layer of fabric sewn into the underside of a garment designed to add comfort and create smooth lines.

Liquid Filled Bra: Type of bra or bra insert which features cup pads filled with water for women who desire a curvier bust silhouette.

Long Line Bra: Bra whose fabric extends down to the navel or waist for a bodice effect.

Long Underwear: Type of long (ankle length), fitted drawers, usually in a heavier-knit cotton or cotton blend, often with a waffled texture. Also referred to as long johns because they were first worn by John L. Sullivan as a boxing outfit in public.

Loungewear: Clothing suitable for lounging, such as pajamas, slips, robes, loose-fitting t-shirts, etc.

Low Back Bra: Bra with low back strap designed to be worn with backless dresses.

Low-Rise or Low-Rider: Style of underwear that sits low on the hips for an invisible look when worn under low-rise jeans and trousers.

Lycra: An extremely elastic fiber made of synthetic fiber, originally trademarked by DuPont, for an elastomeric effect.

Maternity Bra: Type of bra that provides extra support, and is expandable, using stretch fabric, to grow with the expectant mother as her pregnancy matures.

Maternity Panty: Type of panty made from fabric designed to stretch to fit during pregnancy. Maternity Panties often have no seams or elastic in the front for further comfort.

Matte: A type of finish or fabric style with a flat, non-shiny look.

Merino Wool: Type of soft wool that is gleaned during the sheep’s second or third shearing. After the third shearing, wool grows back coarser and thicker.

Mesh: Type of fabric, often made of synthetic, that is full of small openings like a net. Used for lingerie/underwear as fabric for a full piece or as inserts for an effect that is intended to be either sensual or athletic, or both.

Microfiber: An extremely fine synthetic fiber that can be woven into textiles with the texture and drape of natural-fiber cloth but with enhanced stretch, washability, breathability, and water repellency.

Minimizer Bra: Type of bra that shapes the breasts outward to reduce projection, while maintaining support.

Molded Bra: Type of bra that has cups which are machine molded. Molded Bra cups are shaped to give the breast a natural look. Molded Bras are usually unlined and may be either soft cup or underwire. They are seamless to create a smooth silhouette, unless overlaid with lace.

Multi-Pack: Identical underwear items that come packaged in groups of 2 or more.

Natural Fiber: Linen, wool, silk and cotton. Natural fibers were used for all undergarments until the development of synthetics in the 20th century.

Nightgown: A loose garment worn in bed by women and girls.

Nightshirt: A long, loose shirt worn in bed.

Non-Stretch Straps: Non-stretch straps, also known as rigid straps, are usually used for sports bras or full-figured bras.

Novelty Underwear: Underwear item that has special, often light-hearted characteristics, i.e. shiny satin men’s thongs or heart-print boxer shorts. Novelty Underwear is sometimes associated with Valentine’s Day.

No-Wire Bra: Type of bra with no underwires designed for increased comfort. Some No-Wire bras give light to moderate support, for petite to average figures. Others furnish full support.

Nursing Bra: A nursing bra is an extra-support bra that comes with removable flaps on the cups, allowing a new mother to nurse her baby without totally removing her bra.

Nylon: A synthetic fiber that, along with polyester, made underwear fabrics more user-friendly by being easily washed and wrinkle-resistant.

Opaque: Material or fabric which is impervious to light and cannot be seen through.

Padded Bras: Type of bra with padded fiberfill cups. Padding is designed to add size and definition for a well-proportioned look to smaller bust lines.

Pajamas: Loose-fitting nightclothes worn for sleeping or lounging.

Panty: A general term for women’s undergarments. Panties come in a variety of styles but are specific to coverage of the female region.

Pantyhose: Nylon, silk or other material that stretches to fit next to skin and covers legs from hip to toe, or with open foot.

Petite-Figure Bra: A Petite-Figure bra is the smallest type of bra designed for women with smaller busts and are usually made of lightweight stretchy material.

Pima Cotton: A very strong, yet very smooth and soft, high-grade cotton of medium staple developed from selected Egyptian cottons in the southwest United States.

Piping: A twisted cord covered with a biased-cut fabric that is inserted into seams or garment edges as decorative detail and to add structure.

Plus Size: An extra long or oversized clothing size.

Polyamide: A synthetic fabric with wrinkle-resistant capabilities.

Polyester: Large class of synthetic fabrics known for their wrinkle resistance.

Pouch: The fabric triangle creating the cup area in a man’s thong or g-string.

Pull-On Bra: Type of bra made of stretchy material designed to be pulled on and are devoid of hook and eye closures.

Push-Up Bra: A Push-Up Bra uses padding and wires to push the breasts up, thus enhancing the cleavage and giving a fuller look.

Queen Size: Stockings, pantyhose, or knee-highs sized to fit the heavier woman. Queen size is usually considered an extension of standard garments into a larger size. Outsize, on the other hand, is considered a separate category of merchandise altogether.

Racer-Back Bra: Type of bra named after racing swimsuits that also have straps meeting in a V shape on the back between the shoulder blades. This bra style is designed to be worn with sleeveless tops, and also prevents straps from slipping off the shoulders.

Rayon: Any of several synthetic textile fibers sometimes used for underwear, which are produced by forcing a cellulose solution through fine spinnerets and solidifying the resulting filaments.

Reinforced: The stress areas such as the toe or panty portion which have been strengthened with yarns of heavier denier.

Rib Knit: Type of knit with raised ridges that has a very high degree of elasticity in the crosswire direction. Ribbed knits can be used for complete underwear pieces, such as briefs, boxer briefs, tees and tanks, and is also used for trim on such garments (leg bands, cuffs, neck bands).

Rings and Slides: Rings and slides are the mechanisms used to adjust the length of the straps and may be placed in the front or in the back of the bra, depending on how smooth a look is desired.

Robe: A long, loose-flowing outer garment.

Sandalfoot Hosiery: Type of hosiery with a nude toe, meaning no heavier yarn is used in the toe than in the leg.

Satin: A smooth fabric of silk or rayon which has a glossy face and a dull back.

Seamless Bra: A seamless bra uses a single piece of fabric for the cups, so there’s no stitching on the cups, giving a bra-less look.

Shaper: A style of lingerie created to provide support, shape and control.

Shapewear: Modern term for fitted women’s underwear, especially a girdle, that is designed to hold a part of the body in particular form.

Sheer: Thin, fine and transparent fabric.

Sheer-To-The-Waist: Pantyhose without visible panty line or reinforcement in the panty portion. It is an all-sheer garment from waist to toe.

Shelf Bra: Same as Demi Bra.

Shimmer: Reflective finish on fabric, usually satin, that creates a subtle shine effect.

Silicone Cups: A type of bra cup filled with silicone as opposed to fabric options to create a smooth natural look.

Silk: Fine lustrous fiber composed mainly of fibroin and produced by certain insect larvae to form cocoons, especially the strong, elastic, fibrous secretion of silkworms used to make thread and fabric. Silk fabric is sometimes used for men’s and women’s underwear.

Silk Knit: Silk fabric designed with stretchable blend to fit and stretch with the body.

Slip: A woman’s undergarment of dress length with shoulder straps.

Sleepwear: Garments designed to worn for sleep, such as boxer shorts, slips, camisoles, pajamas, etc.

Sock: A short stocking reaching a point between the ankle and the knee.

Soft-Cup Bra: A Soft-Cup Bra uses elastic under the cups for support, as opposed to wire.

Softel: Synthetic performance fabric with advanced absorption and wicking power. See Wicking.

Spandex: Synthetic stretch fabric or fiber made from polyurethane.

Sports Bra: A sports bra, sometimes known as an activity bra, is specially designed to eliminate bounce (as much as possible), for use in any activity that involves a lot of movement. The cotton-lined cups are high at the front and sides for support, and they have a comfort underband with non-curl elastic to stop it from riding up. They may also have a non-slip Velcro fastening strap.

Sports Sock: Sock with extra padding which differs according to where the protective padding is placed – ball, toes, instep, heel, arch, shin – how thick the padding is and what materials they are made of.

Stockings: Hosiery styled from above the knee or mid-thigh to toe.

Stretch Lace: Lace designed with stretch ability to create form fit.

Strapless Bra: A strapless bra has no shoulder straps, and is especially designed for wear with evening gowns and other sleeveless wear.

Stretch Straps: Stretch straps use low-stretch elastic to give more control and comfort, while reducing bounce.

String Bikini: A bikini panty with high cut leg line, thin string sides and full back coverage.

Tactel: Registered brand of synthetic performance fabric known for its springy, lightweight construction and wicking power.

Taffeta: A stiff lustrous silk or silk-type fabric with a slight rib.

Tailored: Garments designed to have the appearance of being custom fit and cut. Typically fitted to the body.

Tanga: A lingerie pant style that has thin straps across the hips. Similar to a boy short but slightly higher in the waist and lower in the leg.

Tank Top: Sleeveless shirt for men or women.

Teddy: Lingerie item that combines a camisole with a panty. A Teddy can be fitted to the body or loose and is worn either under clothing or as sleepwear.

Thermal Underwear: Long sleeve pullover or long underwear made in thick cotton or cotton blend with a waffled texture designed to retain heat for winter wear.

Thigh-Highs: Stockings that just reach the thigh and are held up by elastomer bands.

Thigh Shaper: Shapewear piece designed to hold a woman’s thighs in particular form.

Thong: An underwear style for both men and women with a thin fabric back that rests between the buttocks.

Thong Back: Term defining the back of a panty denoting the thin strip of material resting between the buttocks and exposing most or all of this area.

Thong Panty: A panty with a thin fabric back that rests between the buttocks, exposing the area.

Tie Back: A type of closure involving ties or laces that ties or fastens in the back.

Tie Belt: The sash or fabric used to tie a robe or Kimono that holds it closed.

Tie Front: A type of closure involving ties or laces that fastens in the front.

Tights: A heavy, opaque one-piece garment from hip to toe worn with leotards for dance, exercise, etc. It is usually made with 40 denier yarn and over and is sometimes made of yarn other than nylon.

T-Shirt: A knitted undershirt with short sleeves, usually a crew neck, although sometimes produced with a V-neck.

T-Shirt Bra: Type of seamless, contour cup bra designed to appear invisible under form fitting clothing. T-shirt Bras are absent of lace or ornamentation.

Tummy Shaper: Sometimes called a “tummy tamer”, this shapewear garment is designed to hold a woman’s stomach in particular form.

Undergarment: A garment to be worn under another, see also Underwear.

Underwear: Clothing or an article of clothing worn next to the skin and under other clothing. Examples of underwear include: briefs, boxers, panties, bras etc.

Underwire Bra: An underwire bra has a wire that runs under the cups for extra support.

Unmentionable: Term, used as a noun, to indicate an undergarment. Use arose in the Victorian era at the close of the 19th century when it was considered improper to mention the name of an undergarment by its actual name in public.

Vent: Predetermined slit, especially on the legs of boxer shorts, that provides more freedom of movement.

V-Neck: Neckline on a t-shirt that dips into a “V” in the front.

Velcro: Closure consisting of a piece of fabric of small hooks that sticks to a corresponding fabric of small loops.

Velvet: A cotton, silk or nylon fabric with a dense soft and usually lustrous pile and plain underside.

Viscose: A type of rayon with a soft and silky feel made from a cellulose solution.

Waist Shaper: Shapewear piece designed to hold a woman’s waist in particular form.

Wicking: Certain fabric’s ability to pull moisture away from the skin, allowing it to evaporate in order to keep the wearer cool and dry.

Wings: Side panels of a bra typically found in the larger or plus size cups that provide support in the bust area and under the arms.

Wool: Fiber or fabric made from the fleece of sheep or lamb. Wool also refers to all animal hair fibers, including the hair of the Cashmere or Angora goat or the specialty hair fibers of the camel, alpaca, llama or vicuna.

Woven Fabric: Fabrics composed of two sets of yarns. One set of yarns, the warp, runs along the length of the fabric. The other set of yarns, the fill or weft, is perpendicular to the warp. Woven fabrics are held together by weaving the warp and the fill yarns over and under.

Wrap-Around Elastic Band: In a bra with a wrap-around elastic band, the frame has an elastic band running completely around the bra, keeping it in place. It’s commonly used in sports bras.

Zipper Front: Womens garment with zip closure that opens and closes in the front.

2008, Denae Doyle ~ Femininity Coach ~ @femimage.com

Etiquette and Dining Tips for The New Trans Woman

Are you really nervous about going out to eat en femme? Know you’re not alone, this is an important right of TG passage, and all “new women” have these normal concerns. I often see very well groomed TG women who have spent endless hours on perfecting their makeup and clothing, revert back to their male conditioned habits, when the food arrives.

Etiquette is an extremely important aspect of being a lady, so next time– think about how you’re being perceived by others before you begin chowing down while you’re beautifully dressed.

Here are some helpful dinning tips to consider before your next luncheon or dinner.

Check out the restaurant ahead of time. That way you’ll know exactly what’s on the menu what you might want to order, what other women are wearing and where the rest rooms are located.

Always take your coat off when entering, and carry your coat and handbag to the table. Spread your coat open and lay it across the chair (sitting on the inside of the coat) placing the collar over the back of the chair. Place a small handbag next to you in your chair, or a larger one beside your foot. Please don’t hang your coat over the back of the chair, and don’t leave your purse on the table or on the floor where others could trip on it.

Be polite. Make an effort to speak softly and say “please” and “thank you” to your server as well as to your host and call them by name. Smile! A smile is an important part of being a woman. Always tip well, so you are welcome to return the next time you are dressed and want a safe place where you feel welcome.

Are you not sure what utensil to use? My mother taught me an easy way to remember what to use when. Start at the outside and work your way in. Your salad fork will be on the far left; your entree fork will be next to it. Your dessert spoon and fork will be above your plate.

Generally, liquids are on your right, solids on your left. For example, your water glass will be on the right and your bread plate will be on the left.

The very first thing you do, once everyone is seated is put your napkin on your lap.

Remember what your mother spent years telling you – keep your elbows off the table, sit up straight and don’t talk with your mouth full!

Slow down, men generally eat very fast. I recommend you eat a small snack before you go out and always stop fluids 2 hours before leaving.

Keep your voice soft. Set your utensil down between bites.

Pat (don’t wipe) your mouth with your napkin. Use a straw for your cold beverage.

If you need to, apply lipstick only at the table; do not apply other makeup. Excuse yourself to go the ladies room for makeup touch-up and hair. Ladies, always and get in and out of the ladies room as quickly as possible. Limit your conversation in the restroom. Please realize women wash and dry their hands!

During the Meal:

Don’t order messy food – pasta with lots of sauce, chicken with bones, ribs, big sandwiches, large portions and whole lobsters are all dangerous. Try food a woman would order, such as a salad.

Do order food that is easy to cut into bite-size pieces. Ladies always leave some food on their plate!

The polite way to eat soup is dip your spoon away. There’s less chance of spilling in your lap that way too!

Break your dinner roll or bread into small pieces and eat a piece at a time.

If you need to leave the table, put your napkin on the seat or the arm of your chair.

When you’ve finished eating, move your knife and fork to the “four o’clock” position so the server knows you’re done.

Remember to try and relax, listen, and participate in the conversation. Females are very animated listeners. Smile! You can always ask your dinner guest questions as this avoids bringing up the subject of your own transgendered expression and feeling the need to always discuss it.

If you take your cell phone, leave it off unless you have Caller ID or the caller is expecting a woman to answer. It could be embarrassing having to speak using a male voice.

Alcohol:

It’s wise not to drink more than a glass of wine while out in your new femme role. Passing effectively while out is touch enough without adding alcohol to the mix. Also, if you will be driving you will enjoy the evening more if you don’t stress about being pulled over– while en femme.

After the Meal:

Put your napkin on the table next to your plate.

Realize many TG women forget their social graces when they are nervous and when they’re hungry. Again, please remember to eat slowly, with your mouth closed, while taking small bites. You may be able to speak with your mouth full-with your guy friends- but not so when dressed.

If a lady must smoke, she should be considerate of the feelings and needs of those around her.

Think of female conversation to have during and after dinner.

If you’re eating alone. Have cash to pay for your dinner. Unless you have female ID and credit cards. (You might have to show your ID with a credit card). If eating with a gentleman, women can share in the cost of the meal, depending upon the circumstances. Women eating together will generally pay for what each of them has ordered, and most often will not split the bill, as men generally do.

Put your coat on at the door, not at the table. Find your keys and place your purse into position before stepping outside.

Walking, gesturing, sitting and rising from your chair correctly will top off the perfect dinning experience. While passing is important; if you’re a kind and interesting person who dresses with integrity and respect, you’ll be accepted in most circumstances. Don’t expect perfection the first time out, even the most refined lady might slip now and then. And remember-have fun and enjoy your dining experience.

Bon Appétit!

2008, Denae Doyle @femimage.com

Feminine Body Language & Dating For The New Trans Woman

Feminine gestures can send silent signals of desire, or communicate a complete lack of interest.

Are you new at going out as a woman and understanding the subtle signs of attraction or lack thereof? Before you launch yourself into the line of fire, take time to practice the basics of creating that first three-second impression that states Female and not “Guy In A Dress”.

As a “Femininity Coach” for genetic women and now Transgendered women, I have created the most important signals a TG woman must focus on and practice – to not give off those subtle male cues. I often hear, “Is it my voice”? Or, “perhaps my beard concealer isn’t working”. Being perceived as female is not as simple as paying to have makeup, wigs, and beautiful clothing, but instead requires time, practice, and a new awareness of not falling back into moving, gesturing and speaking as a male.

First, let’s remember that when it comes to the silent signs of sexual attraction, we are no different than the animal kingdom – which communicates their interest in mating, by using certain body signals. Often, with females it boils down to the message, “I am submissive, harmless and more approachable”. For the new TG woman, you may be wondering ‘what are these secret signals genetic women know how to use?’ Welcome in to the circle of knowing and using age old flirting techniques of confident women – and now this secret potion lies within your reach also! I have made a list of my top eight body language cues, which I teach my TG women to be perceived as a female especially during flirtation. Let’s start at the top and work down.

Tilted Head and Lifted Shoulders

Women tend to have more animated head and shoulder movement, while men are socialized to hold their head and shoulders very linear. When a female is flirting, two of the most easily detected signs of attraction are (1) tilting her head slightly forward while looking up at someone from under the eyebrows and (2) smiling while lifting and rolling her shoulders. These motions indicate that a woman is softer, more compliant and interested in dating!

Pointed Toe and Knee Movement

While standing, a feminine woman keeps weigh back only on one foot, allowing the free front foot to be pointed so she can tilt and move her toe. Next time you’re out, lift the heel of the pointed toe and allow the knee to rotate in an inward “swaying” movement and see if those new heels will suggest definite interest. This technique also creates a more “shrinking” effect, which is a less threatening profile.

Wrist Forward, Cupped Hands

When speaking, woman use softer, more flowing hand movements. Specifically, take note of whether the palms are facing upward, while gesturing and resting on a table. Practice, using slow, fluid flowing hands with a broken wrist, as if you were moving your hands under water. Keeping your wrist forward, using flowing hands, and cupping your fingers, are all gestures, which are psychologically friendlier.

SSSS- Curve. Everything Starts With S!

S-CURVE – There is a distinctly feminine way to move and hold yourself. Simply put, truly feminine women have learned to stand, sit and move their bodies in curves – mostly S curves, while men generally stand, sit and walk very linear – they stay in a box, such as the letter “I”. A truly feminine woman pulls her weight up by lifting her torso and bust – while twisting at the waist. Lift and twist. Lifting your weight prevents weight from dropping down into your feet, especially when wearing heels!

Slower Steps

Men walk twice as fast as most women, especially in heels. Make an effort to slow your stride down. Regardless of how nervous you are, slow everything down. There is no weight dropping down into your feet, especially when your heels are over two inches!

Shorter Stride

To appear more sensual and feminine, try taking half the size step you generally take.

You will find walking in heels will require balance. By taking shorter steps, you will avoid tripping and you will appear more feminine and poised.

Smaller Space

Men have spaces – open space between their arms and body, and between their knees and feet. Men stand linear on the floor with their weight evenly distributed on both feet. Ideally, a feminine woman (and we know all women today are not always feminine) will generally close up the spaces between their arms and torso, between their knees and their feet. The smaller size capsule you have, the smaller space you will take up. By walking and standing in less space, you appear shorter, smaller, and more feminine.

Swinging Arm

Swinging your arms from your shoulder (as men do) may be a behavior that is giving you away. Let your arms rest gently down the side of your legs allowing for a natural delicate arm swing from your elbows. You should practice keeping your elbows turned inward and slightly bent and touching your torso. Men generally have longer arms than women, so bending your elbows; will give the appearance of shorter and smaller arms.

Now, go put on your favorite pair of heels, and create your own unique, feminine, flirtatious body language

2008, by Denae Doyle @femimage.com

Femininity Can’t Be Bought, Femininity Tips for Transsexuals

I kind of knew it all along. But I never found the right words to say it in a such simple way. It finally dawned on me, after attending Denaë Doyle’s seminar on “Expressing the Woman Within with Dance”. We can spend as much money as we want on surgeries, hair, cosmetics, clothes and accessories, but all that cannot take us all the way to true femininity. These things might make us look and feel feminine, but they are not the whole story as the world sees it.

Because femininity is a lot more than the ‘facade’. It includes who we are and how we express ourselves in everyday situations. It includes how we carry ourselves, how we move, how we communicate, and how we relate to others. Nothing in the world can ‘buy’ this for us. We’ve got to work on it by ourselves, or (better) with the help of a good instructor. Sure, this costs money, too! But not nearly as much as we typically spend on surgeries or hair removal. The downside: we have to do the hardest part of the work – no matter how good or expensive our ‘femininity coach’ might be.

Feminine Movement and voice are neglected too easily in the transition process. We take our pictures, and see a woman. What else do we want?

Well, real life is a little more complicated, Because the photo camera is exchanged for real people’s eyes and ears, along with their perception of what a woman is or should be.

Here is where the difference between being tolerated and being accepted comes to play. Sure, in the San Francisco Bay Area you will find more tolerance than anywhere else – and that’s greatly appreciated. If that’s the only thing important to you, you don’t have much to worry about. But if you are like me, if you like the freedom to travel safely outside of the Bay Area, if you don’t want your gender status to be recognized immediately, then buckle up for a rough ride towards the land of true femininity.

I often hear excuses, like “I am too tall to pass”, “I have too big of a frame size”, “I don’t have a butt”, or “My hands are too large”. Think twice: Genetic females come in all shapes and sizes, and nobody questions their femininity. I have seen countless women with those attributes, but usually they knew how to play them down. It’s something you can learn, too! But it takes some effort. To get started, consider shifting your reading from Glamour magazine to books like “Flatter Your Figure” by Jan Larkey. Then ask a fashion or feminine image consultant for help. The book will help you understand her recommendations.

Now you can focus on the ‘tough stuff’ – moving and speaking like a woman. This is hard work, and it is somewhat difficult to evaluate yourself. Unless you really have a fine eye and ear for detail, you will need some kind of femininity or voice coach sooner or later. You can get your feet wet with books like “Creating a Feminine Carriage” by Elaine Sagant, or the videos like “Develop a Female Voice” by Melanie Ann Phillips (also available as CD or tape).

Learning to speak like a woman is a lot like learning a foreign language (I learned two – English and French – and it helped!). You will need to practice with somebody who is qualified, honest and unbiased. That’s where the consultants come in. They can teach you more systematically and efficiently, and have the experience to monitor your progress in detail. If you are tight on money, consider a combination of consulting and self-learning. Either way, you will have to practice. A lot…

And while we are talking about practicing: Learn to smile – even in difficult situations. It breaks the ice and opens the door to earn the sympathy and trust of others. It can be the magic bullet to get you out of an embarrassing situation. Haven’t we all been there?

It’s never too late to learn. However, you might have an easier transition, if you develop much of your femininity before you start living full time. This also gives you a more realistic outlook on what to expect in that new role. I have done it that way, and was overwhelmed with the acceptance and support I experienced, once I announced the change. I had gone through great lengths before I finally made the change – including two trips to Europe, to test the waters in my native culture. So far these efforts have paid off. I wish everyone a similar experience!

2008, by Natalie – @femimage.com

Gay and Queer Books & Guides on Dating, Romance & Relationships

Looking for some more good gay oriented reading material? Here are some books with more practical gay dating tips, gay tips, guides and advice as well as some humor for gay men. Enjoy!

On Picking Fruit by Arthur Wooten

Although he was born gay, Curtis Jenkins has trouble, uh, picking fruit. He is still searching for that elusive man of his dreams.

Unfortunately, Curtis has already formed a self-destructive pattern of choosing all the wrong men, often in all the wrong places. Date after date, hell just gets that much closer. But Curtis is an optimist, and vows never to give up.

Will Curtis discover who and what he truly wants in his life? While he barely survives dates that are funny, frightening, sexy, moving, and even shocking, Curtis may just uncover the fortitude to find Mr. Right (or even Mr. Pretty Close).

Gay Haiku

Joel Derfner wrote these poems after one too many bad dates. I should note that Joel himself doesn’t consider these poems to be true haiku.

It is however a book of one hundred and ten witty and wicked short poems that captures the many dating disasters that he’s experienced. But he doesn’t stop there…

Joel also covers such topics as gay pop culture, politics, family, sex, shopping and home decorating.

Mondohomo

My partner got me Mondohomo for a Christmas present…Was he trying to queer me up? Regardless, I really enjoyed reading it. *grin*

Richard Andreoli, who’s writing appears in a lot of gay magazines, gathered together about eight other gay writers and produced this wonderful compilation of gay culture; where it’s been, where it’s at and to a degree where it’s headed.

The book covers a wide range of topics and is presented by a different author for each chapter. Together they combine essays, best-of lists, and how-to advice; all designed to give you a guided tour of contemporary queer culture.

Mondohomo is both a thought provoking and amusing look at the gay world. I highly recommend it.

How To Get Laid: The Gay Man’s Essential Guide To Hot Sex

From the coauthor of Going Down: The Instinct Guide to Oral Sex, comes the first and only guide for gay men on how to make sure that when they go out looking to hook up, they don’t come home disappointed. Jonathan Bass, (aka Parker Ray) breaks it all down so that any guy can be getting more than he’s getting now.

You’ll learn about the pros and cons of where to hunt: bars, clubs, sex clubs, gay resorts, vacation spots. And because this is the online age, there’s also a chat room guide: what certain phrases mean and what to look out for-because we all know men don’t lie, right?

You’ll get tips on the importance of self-assuredness and knowing how to flirt; how to convince a guy to try something new (like you!); how to send the right signals; how to make the other guys he’s checking out look bad; and how to use your friends to help you get laid.

You will also learn how to navigate the gray area between one-night stands and dating, and finally you’ll learn sleeping-around etiquette along the lines of how not to be rude when you’re being a naughty boy.

The Mandates: 25 Real Rules For Successful Gay Dating

After many years of serial monogamy, Dave Singleton went to the front lines to find out, how to win the dating game when you’re a gay man. He found himself exploring the lives of other gay men who found themselves on the dating fast track with guys they’d met from work, at the gym or bars, and increasingly, on the Internet. Thus, The Mandates was born.

The Mandates is a laugh-out-loud but completely true set of rules about the making, (or breaking) of men’s romantic relationships. (I’ll attest to this as I was giggling in the aisle of a local book store when I checked this book out.)

Gay and Lesbian Weddings : Planning the Perfect Same-Sex Ceremony

Comprehensive, fresh, and funny, Gay and Lesbian Weddings covers everything you need to know to plan the wedding of your dreams. Unlike other wedding planners, this one tackles the issues your heterosexual friends never had to consider. For instance, do you come out to Aunt Gloria before she receives the invitation and the shock of her life?

Gay and LesbianWeddings includes advice on the changing laws regarding gay marriage in the United States and abroad; the differences among domestic partnerships, civil unions, and marriage.

You’ll also get information on budget concerns: choosing your ideal wedding size and style.

There’s tips on keeping the honey in the honeymoon; sex tips—including how to keep the heat after the wedding night.

Plus, there’s a handy Wedding Countdown Calendar, website resources, and true stories from same-sex couples who’ve gotten hitched without a hitch.

Gay Sex: A Manual for Men Who Love Men

Gay Sex by Jack Hart is an all-purpose guide to living a sexually energetic and fulfilling life. Gay Sex gives gay men all they need to know, from tips on how to meet men to negotiating safe sex to dealing with relationships.

There are also discussions on the mental-health aspects of masturbation, fantasy, dating, bondage, S/M, recreational drugs, role-playing, and general physical well-being.

Hart’s writing is clear, concise, and informative; he never overloads the reader with too much scientific information or confusing detail and never adopts a patronizing or moralizing tone.

By treating sex as a vital and exhilarating aspect of everyday life, he manages to both introduce these topics to the novice in unthreatening and helpful ways and inform and enlighten those who have been out and about for years.

How to Help Your Trans Children

Transsexualism is a condition where the person’s body is one gender and the mind and soul or essence is the opposite gender of what they are physically born with. Indeed it is a proven to be a birth condition. In studies it has been determined that the size of the hypothalmus in the brain, in Male to female (MTF) Transsexuals (TS) is female in size and in Female to Males FTM’s it is male in size. It is the hypothalmus that govern’s ones sexuality. Many assume that being Ts is a matter of choice. It is not. It has nothing to do with religion or will power. It is a product of our enviornment and even nature itself. There are other species of fish and animals that are transsexual.

Besides who would choose this life on purpose? It is a life where most know what they are as their first conscious thought at the age of four or five that body and mind don’t match up. Interests are very different than others of the same physical gender. The MTF doesn’t want to participate in boy activities and the FTM doesn’t like girl ones. They truely feel they are the opposite gender of what their eyes tell them and you. Few will listen to their pleas to let them be themselves though.

Children instinctively know when one of their peers doesn’t fit in. Ts’s are bullied, taunted and ridiculed. Their lives will be hell at a time they should be happy. Many start to blend in out of self preservation internalizing their true selves. Many may not be whole for many years, if at all. Its like having part of you in a spastic coma, unable to respond. While all appears to be well with the Transsexual child everything is far from ok. The child may become depressed and lonley as he/she has no peers. When possible some may dress as their true gender when opportunity presents itself. This isn’t crossdressing to the Ts, but an expression of ones self.

The years pass until puberty arrives and the Transsexual childs Horror story begins. While most teens embrace their metamorphsis it is a living nightmare for the transsexual. All their body parts are changing into something most feel is monsterous and foreign to them. If they weren’t themselves before, they certainly are further away from that now. They are growing in a very wrong direction. At this age many start “cutting” away at their own changing body parts and limbs. The TS suicide attempt rate is as high as 50% at this age. Some will die without parents knowing why. The transsexual teen is painfully alone in his/her disfigurement. Even normal teenage self-gratifaction becomes extremely confusing instead of reassuring. Some may not be able to at all. They grow abhorent to their own bodies.

Many older transsexuals did not have a happy childhood. They were forced to be something they were not. Most were seen to be going through a phase. Children in a homophobic family are not going to confide in their parents. Mom and Dad are more worried about their children becoming “gay” and may try to reinforce the childs physical gender. It doesn’t work and often drives the child deeper into themselves and into dispair. Ts’s who make it to their 20’s and beyond often regret that their childhoods did not exist in their perceived gender. Some elevate the illusion of their physical bodies gender and sometimes even marry, praying that it all goes away. These marriages rarely work though. They are often left with the aftermath of puberty that will make passing in their true gender almost impossible. Many will need to face expensive body and facial surgeries in order to look somewhat believable. What about the 6’6″ MTF and the 5’1″ FTM? How do they fit in? Many are worried about this. Today many aging Transsexuals have had horriffic lives and are changing as late as the mid 60’s. Lives are shattered and reborn. Careers and relationships in tatters they face rebuilding often alone.

We now know that the earlier the Transsexual is treated the better their chances are for fullfilled and happier lives. Treatment can begin as early as when school age is achieved. The first step is to obtain a Gender Therapist for your child. They can help come up with a plan and goals to achieve. In some schools it is possible for a child to attend school in their true gender, with the therapists backing. As early as the age of eleven hormone blockers can be introduced to delay puberty after Tanner Stage 2. Cross-sex Hormones can now be given at age 16. Your teen wil develop as other teens in their true gender would with the exception that they could not have children. There are guidlines in place that therapists and Surgeons must follow called The HBIGDA Standards of Care.

Children who go through treatment at an early age will be able to remember their childhoods in their true genders. Both the hormone blockers and hormones will make passability much easier as children will appear much like their peers will. Heights will be more normal. Lonliness should be less likely and voices for both MTF’s and FTM’s will develop in more normal ranges. Older Transsexuals will not develop any of these advantages. So the earlier the Transsexual starts treatment the better.

Kids are very resilent. As long as they are provided the basic tools that other children have they can do well and learn and grow. The untreated transsexual wil sorely lack in social skills at a time they need them most to develop fully. This will not serve them well. Delaying treatment is a mistake and will stunt that growth. Your child will likely not grow out of this, it is not a phase. So I urge you to contact a gender professional for your child today. Your childs future depends upon it. We have it in our power to make sure that present and future TS generations do not have older, newly emerging, troubled transsexuals in their 40’s 50’s and 60’s, trying to salvage wrecked lives. The Transsexual suicide rate of 31% can drop dramatically with early childhood intervention. It all begins today.

Laura Amato

2006, @ Laura’s Playground

Real Life Horror Films

Most of us love a good Horror Film. We wait for that moment when we are truly scared as our heart jumps out of our chest. We spasm in our seats and our feet come off of the floor. We love that thrill. What about afterwards will we be scared? Its not likely because it wasn’t real. We tell ourselves over and over “Its only a movie” pass the popcorn.

Imagine though that you were the character and that this was really happening to you. Our minds couldn’t fathom such a cataclysmic disaster of such biblical proportions. Our minds would literally shatter.

Yet everyday Transsexual Teens go through a real life horror story called puberty. Body Parts are turning into something foreign to them. Voices are changing, things are growing. They are becoming their worst nightmare right inside of their own skin, something repulsive to them. Its sheer terror. Meanwhile their peers are going through the same thing but its different for them. They embrace their metamorphosis as the caterpillar becomes a butterfly. Their minds and bodies become one. This is not the case of the Transsexual teen.

In the movies at least the victim at least has other characters to share their terror with. In real life though transsexual teens often go through their horror alone. Most dare not share what’s happening to them. They dare not tell their homophobic parents and most have few if any real friends. Most school counselors are ill trained and overcome with their own prejudices to be helpful. The terror is the same whether its for male to female (MTF) Transsexuals or female to males. Who do they tell? Imagine the terror as a Teen FTM has monthly periods and an MTF Transsexual has nocturnal erections. Who will quiet their nightmares?

Teenage years are difficult enough for everyone. It certainly is no picnic even for a psychologically healthy kid. A transsexual teen though does not have this advantage. Their minds and bodies are not in harmony with each other. Most have know this from their earliest memories at the age of four or five. Growing up knowing you are a different gender than what you appear is the essence of a living nightmare.

Is there a solution? Yes there is. It involves non-judgmental listening. Don’t assume this is just a phase. This has been with them since Kindergarten or earlier. Its only rearing its head now because of the terrifying physical changes they are going through. Their minds didn’t suddenly change. They’ve always felt this way.

Whether you are a parent or a school counselor it is important that you recognize this as a life threatening reality. The only solution is to get Professional help from a competent Gender Dysphoria Specialist.

Bear in mind that the suicide attempt rate for preoperative Transsexuals has been estimated as high as 50%. Many are from their teenage years when they are most vulnerable. Transsexuality is not a moral dilemma, it is a physical one.

Parents are often shocked because they feel they would know if their son or daughter had any opposite sex traits, such as excessive femininity or masculinity. They don’t realize that many transsexuals hide it and don’t really want to be what they are for their own protection. Puberty is often the distress trigger. Transsexuality is not a choice but rather is inborn. It is not a moral choice and there is scientific proof to bear that out (see link below). It is a medical condition.

If steps are taken now to just listen to our transgendered teens and take real action then the odds of them living a normal life as themselves is very good. The sooner their nightmare ends the better for all concerned. One can only hope that the incidence of those that have lived through 50 years of Gender Dysphoria will come to an end. Even one year is too much.

2006, By Laura Amato @ Laura’s Playground

If you don’t know my Gender: Just ask Me

After 55 years of my life a scientist has just figured out what I and most transsexuals already knew at the age of four or five and that’s what Gender we are. ““To discover who or what a child is … you have to ask them,” Dr. William Reiner of the Oklahoma University Health Science Center told a meeting of the American Association for the Advancement of Science. Although his study was done on intersexed Children whose lives he followed into adulthood his thinking can most defintley be applied to Transsexuals as well. “There is no one biological parameter that clearly defines sex,” added Dr. Eric Vilain of the University of California, Los Angeles, whose research suggests gender is genetically hard-wired into the brain before birth — regardless of which genitalia develop.

After years of assigning Gender to intersexed children based on their chromosomes and what would be best for the child, they now admit that was mistake. So imagine the horror of little Johnny or Mary who are forced to live in a Gender forced upon them by someone else. Imagine the terror as they are injected with the hormones from the wrong gender giving them secondary sexual characteristics and body changes that are foreign to them. So why didn’t anyone ever listen to the screams of these children before. What about the Transsexuals who were stopped from being the gender they knew they were?

That’s right folks. The kids really did know what gender they were at the tender age of four. Transsexuals and the intersexed have been saying this since they remember. Did anyone listen to us before? NO!!! Isn’t it amazing that our brains develop long before our genitals do in the womb.

Bringing up a child in the wrong gender is nothing short of torture for the kids involved. Wearing the wrong clothes, playing with the wrong toys and the whole time just plain not fitting in. At 13 you start turning into a monster if you’re a Male to Female (MTF) Transsexual. Your beautiful voice changes, body hair starts growing, muscles start forming and you turn into a hairy monster. For a trans person this is one nightmare from which you never wake up. You start wondering if Vincent Price and Bella Lagosi the kings of the horror flicks are invading your dreams. “Remember” says my Dad who stands me up from my sitting position to pee standing up “this is for your own good”.

I declared my name to be Marsha at age 4. I changed it to Laura at the age of seven. My best friends name was Marsha. We played house all the time and I was the Mommy. My father kept tossing bags of toy soldiers at me, along with a football and a set of six guns all the time shouting he would make a man out of me. My lifes been hell ever since. I told them I was a girl and no one listened.

Its time for everybody to “wake up and smell the coffee”. I don’t dress up as a woman as a choice. I am a woman dammit. Ok, so the study I’m talking about is for intersexed children. Certainly anyone with half a brain can see the similarities here.

Speaking of studies, where are the studies about transsexual children? There aren’t any? Why not? Because a conservative, religiously influenced government is not going to approve any grant with that dirty word “SEX” in it. That’s why. So transSEXuals have to wait 4 more years for even a chance at getting more humane and compassionate human beings in government Offices. Meanwhile, the torture legally continues for about a million or so Transsexuals. So who do I scream at?

2006, by Laura Amato @Laura’s Playground

Do Hormones change your mind?

There are many who say that any mind changes for those on MTF (male to female) hormones are mostly psy-chological.They also say that any sexual orientation changes are psychological as well. Does this mean that if this does happen that there was some secret desire there all along? Some say yes. I say No. I believe that at least Female hormones can change the way we think, who we’re attracted to and what our intrests are. I suspect that that is true of male hormones as well.

Let me start by saying that I’ve been in therapy off and on since I was 21 years old. I’m 55 now. The longest stint in therapy is the most recent, 20 years. You would think that in all that time if there were any secret desires or intrests that I would’ve noticed them before i recently restarted hormones again after a long absense. Certainly my shrink of 20 years would’ve found that out.

I’ve got to say that from my own experience that estrogen no matter what the source can have a powerful effect on the mind. Actually most changes were subtle while one a few years ago was quite a shock.

Editor’s note 1: Originally I took herbal phytoestrogen’s because the ad’s said they were safe. What they didn’t say is that for feminization they were recommending mega dose of 8 pills a day when the actual suggestion on the bottle was 1 a day for menopausal syptoms in born women. In March 1996 I had a stroke from bleeding on the brain. My Doctor said it was caused by excessive blood thinning from the high doses. Since I was already on blood thinners this was a disaster. He also said that the pills significantly raise chloresterol which leads to clogged arteries and heart attacks. In three 1/2 years we have had several reports of users here who have had strokes and heart attacks while on Phytoestrogens. All took the megadoses recommended for trans people. To me this is proof that phytoestrogens are not safe at least for trans people. The slight miniscule growth I got was not worth a stroke. All of us reported this to the manufacturers who did not return our calls. This indicates they know full well of the risks though they still insist they are safe.

Editor’s note: In August of 2004 I went to an Endocrinologist who prescribed .4mg Estradol and 2 mg of Premarin. In November of 2004 I had to stop hormones because of a bloodclot in my leg. I am Presently hoping to restart hormones soon after blood levels are satisfactory. When I do restart it will be without the Premarin.

I used to kid my girlfriend about her cleaning habits. No matter where she was she always felt obligated to clean up. I’ve always at least cleaned up after myself but not to the point she does. Even if we’re in a bar she’ll take everything in front of us bring it up to the bar, ask for a rag and wipe up the place we were sitting in front of. She’d even do this kind of thing in other peoples homes. I’d explain that’s what waitresses are paid for. Now after restarting hormones for a couple of months I find myself doing the same thing everywhere I go. Even others have noticed. My bartender recently pointed that out to me. I don’t even think about it.

Another change is I’ve always been into video games. I’d spend hours at it. I even had a web site devoted too it. Suddenly I stopped and lost all intrest and closed the site and stopped playing. While I’ve never been a sports nut I always at least watched the major games especially when the local teams were playing. Now I’m not intrested at all. Out of the blue I developed an intrest in sewing. I used to throw out shirts with missing buttons and now I’m making myself an apron. Wow! Does this mean at the family holiday gatherings I’ll automatically start washing dishes with the girls instead of watching football with the guys? I tend to think so. The wierd thing is my behavior is changing and I’m not even offically out of the closet yet, though that will be soon. Even the words I’ve used have changed all without even thinking about it. It makes me wonder who creates stereo-types. Is it really society or hormones? Fortunatley I don’t mind these changes. In fact I embrace them.

About three years ago I tried the hormones for the second time. I stayed on them for almost six months. Then something happened that scared me and I suddenly stopped them. I’ll tell you why. I always have always been attracted to women. if you check my bio you’ll see that I can’t stand men. I can’t even imagine a friendship with one let alone a relationship even if I become the woman I desire. One day I noticed something. This woman whose derrierre I have admired and lusted after for years suddenly didn’t intrest me. Instead I noticed this one guys ass and it shocked the hell out of me enough to quit the hormones. Why? Was it psychological? I don’t think so.

This time on hormones (2 months) I’ve noticed none of that. if anything, no one intrests me any more. The one thing I did notice was that all three times on hormones I did notice one thing though. I suddenly got intrested in shopping… shopping… Shopping.

Hmmmm.. so my changing estrogen soaked brain is coming to a conclusion here, but is it logical? If you want to stop a woman from shopping give her testosterone and if my girlfriend wants her sons to clean there rooms she should give them estrogen. I wonder if all the worlds problems could be solved this easily?

Sounds logical to me.

Laura, 2006 @ Laura’s Playground

Same Sex Gay Marriage Diversity

Diversity means difference or unlikeness or the opposite of same. Men and women are perfect examples of diversity. In fact, men and women are called opposites. Sexism and racism are examples of zero gender or zero race diversity, respectively.

The US constitution codifies a requirement for equal treatment (equality) of certain classes of people. Men and women are two such classes of people. Diversity of classes must exist for there to be equal treatment of those classes (equality). Equality, in this context, does not mean without any differences. Equality means treating diverse kinds (classes) without partiality when there is no purpose for partiality.

Homosexuality is the opposite of diversity. ‘Gay marriage‘ is called same-sex. Same (i.e. homo) is the opposite of diverse. In fact, homosexuality is diversity-intolerant, by definition. The opposite sex is always rejected by a homosexual person, when it comes to ‘love’, without regard to the individual merit of that person, just because they are of a different gender! Homosexuality is genetic gender-bias or preference. Since there is zero gender diversity in any same-sex union, same-sex unions also contain zero gender equality. As a result genders are sex-segregated into male and female dominated institutions. “Separate is seldom, if ever, equal”.

On the 50th anniversary of Brown v. Board of Education, that outlawed race-segregation, sex-segregation was instituted via same-sex marriage by the Massachusetts SJC!

Even though gay folks might be nice people, they are twisting the meaning of diversity beyond recognition apparently because it makes society feel more accepting of homosexuality. The ‘Goodridge’ same-sex couple seem like nice people, but they unabashedly say on public television: we do not need a man. Imagine two white people saying: we do not need blacks! There would be an unimaginable uproar in society.

same-sex-gay-marriage.com/diversity/diversity.html – 2004

Queer Gay Sports Eye for the Hopeless Homo

As I was watching “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy,” the Bravo reality series where five fabulous gay guys transform a straight, uncultured slob, I was struck by a moment where I identified more with the hetero than the homo.

It was a scene where Carson, the fashion maven, was going through the closet of Slob ‘O The Week, and came across his collection of replica NHL jerseys. Carson picked one up that said “Gretzky” across the back and remarked with puzzlement, “Gretzky? What country is that?”

C’mon, dude, I said to the TV. How can you not know who Wayne Gretzky is, maybe the greatest hockey player ever? At least you should know he’s married to B-movie actress Janet Jones; it was in all the tabloids. I’m certainly no fashion poster boy, but even I know about Prada and Tom Ford.

The Fab Five’s apparent lack of sports knowledge led me to an idea: teaching sports-impaired gay men the basics about the world of bats, balls and pucks. Call it “Queer Sports Eye for the Hopeless Homo.” This information can be very useful in those awkward social settings where you have to interact with your ultra-straight brother-in-law, or maybe break the ice with the dad of your new boyfriend. Or even, pray tell, if your significant other would rather watch “SportsCenter” than “Trading Spaces.” I consulted our Fab Five (no, not the Michigan basketball team from the 1990s) and we came up with these following helpful hints, tips and facts about the world of sports.

Culture

–Super Bowl Sunday is a rotten day to throw a surprise birthday party for your football-loving boyfriend. It’d be like him asking you to go bowling the night of the Oscars.

–Contrary to what you may think, “Fantasy Football” is not a shower scene between you and the Green Bay Packers starting offense. It’s a game where you “draft” your own team of NFL players to compete against similar teams of your friends. But don’t be like our friend who picked his entire 2002 team based on which players were the hottest. Talent and looks do not always go hand in hand. Just ask Warren Sapp.

–“The Big Dance” is not the Palm Springs White Party. It’s the nickname for the NCAA men’s college basketball championship, a three-week hoops extravaganza featuring hot, young, sweaty jocks slapping each other on the butt while wearing tank tops and shorts and drinking lots of water. Oh, sorry, it is the White Party.

–You need to get down with the nicknames. “Shaq” is Lakers center Shaquille O’Neal; “Kobe” is fellow Laker Kobe Bryant; “A-Rod” is Texas Rangers shortstop Alex Rodriguez. “Tight end” signifies a football player positioned to the outside of the offensive line eligible to catch passes, not the headline of that hot guy you saw on Gay .com.

–Gary Glitter’s addictive “Rock and Roll Part 2” (aka the Hey! Song) is the sports national anthem, heard in every arena across the land year-round. Here are the complete lyrics, sung for three minutes: “Hey!”
Even Texas A&M alums can memorize it.

Food

— While watching a game, angel hair pasta tossed in olive oil and roasted garlic is a no-no. Doritos with a side of melted cheese product and a box of Krispy Kremes is as gourmet as it gets. We had a friend’s boyfriend come to a football party last year bearing oranges (it gets worse–they were seedless mandarins called “cuties.”) “You do not bring citrus fruit to a football party,” the boyfriend was told by his partner in a tone that resembled John Madden channeling Martha Stewart.

–Beer is the beverage of choice and it should to be a good, old, red-blooded American mass-produced brew like Bud or Miller. If you go micro, avoid foo-foo names like “Sweet Lavender Ale,” and choose “Snarling Pit Bull Malt” instead.

Interior Design

–A satellite dish with Tivo that can pick up the NFL Sunday Ticket and ESPN Classic Sports is de rigueur.

–You need a couch that’s functional, great to lounge on and the right color to hide beer and grease stains. Brushed leather won’t do.

–The kitchen should be within good hearing distance of the TV so you can’t miss a play. Better yet, go for a TV in the kitchen. And the bedroom. One fanatic we know (an ex-NFL player) has TV speakers in his bathroom so as not to miss a thing (how weird to listen to the Steelers going for 2 when you’re doing the same.)

–Contrary to what one friend’s partner thinks, a football trophy is a proper coffee table addition. Talk about a conversation piece!

Fashion/Grooming

–Avoid inappropriate combinations. A Yankees hat with a Red Sox sweatshirt; a Florida State visor with a Florida T-shirt; anything with “Los Angeles Clippers” on it. Would you wear your dad’s leisure suit to happy hour at the Boom-Boom Room? We didn’t think so.

–It is OK to go shirtless to a sporting event. But you first must be willing to paint “Hi mom! Go Huskers!” on your chest. Please do us a favor, though–before you bare all, at least have seen the inside of a gym in the past year.

–Tattoos are cool but must be appropriate. We have a good friend who’s a huge Minnesota Vikings fan, and he has a tat of the fierce Viking mascot on his behind. In the old days (before he found Mr. Right), he would go up to a prospective trick and if the guy knew anything about football, would say the Pickup Line That Never Failed: “Would you like to go somewhere private and see my royal Viking ass?” Try that with a tat of Madonna.

–Yes, many athletes wear jockstraps during competition, hence their name. And yes, people notice. Denver Broncos wide receiver Ed McCaffrey (all 6-5, 215 pounds of him) and his wife were once interviewed. The questioner noted that Ed wears undersized shoulder pads and mentioned he must also wear a jock strap. The wife said the jock “is a very large one. That’s why the shoulder pads look so small.” And this was on ESPN, not the Spice Channel.

By J. Buzinski Out Sports – 2003

What is Gender Identity?

Gender is a primary category in which individuals both identify themselves and are identified by others. Gender is not a set of binary categpries, but rather a spectrum. The concept of gender can be restrictive in many ways. People are generally expected to identify as a particular gender, the one which has been assigned to them, and act in specific ways deemed accordingly. While gender roles are the expectations a culture has of one’s behavior as appropriate for male or female, gender identity is, the individual’s actual subjective sense of belonging to the female or male category or neither of the two.

Some people discover that their gender identity does not match the gender role they have been assigned, a condition traditionally referred to as gender dysphoria. In other circumstances, children may be born with both sets of genitalia, a condition referred to as being intersexed.

However, bipolar definitions of gender with the assumption of them matching one’s biological sex can create an either/or situation in which people fail to see the existence of an in between. There are severe ramifications. People who do not identify as the gender they have been assigned face the threat of violence, actual physical attacks, verbal assaults, in the worst cases murder, and at the very least mockery and scrutiny.

Interpretations of Gender Identity and Sexual Orientation

Various research and theoretical writing from people such as Kate Bornstein and John Money have examined the notion that gender is a fluid category with room for movement. (Crooks and Baur1998 and Bornstein, 1994) Bipolar definitions, for the most part, require that the gender roles for both men and women involve heterosexuality. This is not always the case. Gay men and lesbian women continue to define themselves as men and women while maintaining primary interest in people of the same gender. There is a conceptual middle ground, almost a crossing between the continuum of gender and sexuality. The existence of people who openly cross this line is certain. Gender identity theories are complex and explanations range from those rooted in psychological, sociological, and biological interpretations, to the personal anecdotes of those whose life experiences have led them to examine the concept of gender. Gender Assignment

Sex is generally referred to as the biological category involving the existence of certain genitalia and reproductive capabilities. Many times people attribute the word “natural” or “normal” to that which exists biologically. Gender is a category which currently maintains two supposed distinct and opposing components. The truth is that many variations in sex exist on a purely biological level. For example, turner’s syndrome involves the existence of female reproductive internal and external structures (Crooks and Baur 1998). Most people with this identify as female however they do not develop breasts nor are they fertile. Klinefelter’s syndrome involves the development of small testes, male reproductive internal structures but also may result in feminization of secondary sex characteristics such as breast development and rounded body contours(Crooks and Baur, 1998). People with Klinefelter’s vary in their gender identity. Androgen insensitivity syndrome involves a lack of set of either male of female internal structures (Crooks and Baur 1998). Puberty may result in breast development but menstruation does not occur. Although they have XY chromosomes, these people mainly identify as female. Several other examples of “natural,” biological contradictions to the binary definitions of sex exist. Suzanne Kessler discussed several problems in choosing the gender of “intersexed infants…babies born with genitals that are neither male nor female.” (Kessler, 1990 ) She notes that the ground on which the determination of a biological male or female is made are socially rooted in “…such cultural factors as the ‘correct’ length of the penis and the capacity of the vagina.” (Kessler, 1990) This sex assignment by persons other than the individual him/herself can cause conflict later in life. If one thing is clear, it is the idea that whatever the root of an individual’s gender identity, it should be a personal decision.

It is important, therefore, to remember that gender identity could have biological roots, but it does not necessarily have to. Many people maintain a gender identity which opposes the gender role they are assigned without having a biologically identifiable root to their gender identity. Gender is a fluid category involving a spectrum of attributes which contribute to gender identity. In the biological respect, there are examples of chromosomal and hormonal combinations in which an individual cannot strictly be deemed a man or woman. In this respect, there are as many sexes as there are humans. On the psychological and social level, several people do not feel that they fit in with other people of the same gender as themselves- they do not feel a part of the gender that they have been assigned without any identifiable biological (hormonal, chromosomal) distinctions between themselves and other people of the same gender. Gender and sex do not necessarily coincide, nor do gender assignment and gender identity. Often times the concepts of gender identity, gender role, and sexual orientation become mixed. But, each is separate and not necessarily a determinant of the next.

Transgender People

The notion of a gender continuum becomes a reality by examining the existence transgender people. The broadest definition of people who identify as transgender includes “anyone who bends or challenges traditional gender roles” (Youth Resource Library). Transgender people contest gender norms “by wearing clothing not generally associated with their own sex and in some cases by modifying their bodies to be more like those of the other sex”(Youth Resource Library). This definition encompasses a large number of people including: intersexed people, transvestites, drag queens/kings, transexuals, and androgynes.

Intersexed people, as mentioned before, are born with genitals “which show characteristics of both sexes” (Youth Resource Library). Transvestites or crossdressers wear clothing traditionally worn by the other gender on occasion, but do not have the desire to change their sex. It is estimated that the percentage of crossdressers in the heterosexual and homosexual communities is about equally at 10% (Crooks & Baur, 1998). This means that 90% of transvestites are heterosexual (Crooks & Baur, 1998). Drag queens/kings present exagerated images of men and women using stereotypes mainly for entertainment. Transexuals feel trapped in the body of the wrong sex. Many transexual people develop a sense of inconformity with their genital anatomy at a young age; some recall identifying strongly with characteristics of the other sex as early as five, six, or seven tears of age (Crooks & Baur 1998). Most transexual people lead heterosexual lifestyles and “…prefer to have sexual relations with a member of the other sex.” – meaning other than the gender they identify as (Crooks and Baur 1998). About 50% of those who have sex changes are female to male transexuals (FTM) (Crooks &Baur;, 1998). The other half are male to female (MTF) (Crooks & Baur, 1998). The number of people living as the gender other than the one they were assigned range from 50,000 to 75,000 and an estimated 25,000 Americans have sex-changing surgery (Brook, 1998). Androgynes or gender blenders “merge the characteristics of both sexes” (Crooks and Baur,1998).

Being transgender has no determinable correlation to being homosexual. Apart from sexuality, transgender people confront gender roles and act in opposition to them. Although they are distinct and unique, each of the above categories challenges gender roles.

The Impact of Gender Identity

The gender identity of an individual can have an incredible impact on his/her life experiences. For example an individual might maintain the gender identity which conflicts with the gender role s/he is assigned. In this case gender, one category generally perceived as simplistic and bipolar, becomes an area of extreme confusion and discontent. Aside from genitalia, which remains generally unexposed, society maintains certain expectation of what each gender should look, sound, and act like. Any deviation from these rigid models opens a person up to at the very least ridicule. Challenging gender roles is often the source of harrassment. Adolescence is a period of growth and development already filled with feelings of awkwardness. Understanding of these concepts open doors to a world of greater understanding and possibly even compassion. Presently, there is little space for those who do not fit within a specific set of gender definitions and regulations. There is a need to look beyond what we see or think we know about other people and start listening to what they know about themselves.

References

Bornstein, K., Gender Outlaw: On Men, Women, and the Rest of Us. Vintage Books, 1994
Brook, J., Sex Change Industry a Boon to Small City. New York Times November 8, 1998
Crooks, R. & Baur, K., Our Sexuality: Seventh Edition. Brooks/ Cole Publishing Company, 1997
Kessler, S., “The Medical Construction of Gender: Case Management of Intersexed Infants” in Signs. Division of Natural Sciences, State University of New York College at Purchase, 1990
Stoltenberg, J., “How Men Have (a) Sex.” in Reconstructing Gender: A Multicultural Anthology. Mayfield Publishing Company, 1997
Youth Resource Library Transgender: What is it? youthresource.com/library/trans.htm

youthresource.com/feat/trans/art_gen.htm – 2004

Transgenderism

Transgenderism is the practice of transgressing gender norms. A Transgender person is someone whose gender display at least sometimes runs contrary to what other people in the same culture would normally expect. Transgender folks come in several flavors:

FTM (female to male) are people who were born female but see themselves as partly to fully masculine.
MTF (male to female) are people who were born male but see themselves as partly to fully feminine.
Intersexed are those born with some combination of male and female physiology [similar to hermaphrodite], who may accept as natural their mixed gender.

Gender variations are more common than most people suspect, because many people hide their true nature out of fear for their safety and security. Many people explore transgender behavior without identifying themselves as transgendered. Women wearing pants may not seem transgender today, but fifty years ago it would have been. Boys wearing “girl’s clothes” might not see themselves as inherently feminine, yet enjoy playing in this way. While crossdressing is enjoyed by both males and females, it appears to be more pronounced in males because of an imbalance in norms of attire and attitude (we see less transgression when a woman wears a suit).

In order to understand the difference between someone who is gay, lesbian, or bisexual, and someone who is transgender, you need to be clear on the distinction between sex and gender. Simplistically, sex is polarity of anatomy, gender is polarity of appearance and behavior. As one becomes more closely involved with transgenderism, these definitions quickly break down, but they serve as a good starting point.

BIPOLARITY

Most people think there are just two sexes, male and female. Such is not the case. People who are intersexed and people who are transsexual constitute sexes which are neither exactly male nor exactly female.

Likewise, gender is not a simple case of “either/or. ” Gender is exhibited by countless signals, from articles of clothing to cosmetics to hairstyles to conversational styles to body language and much more. Though our culture tends to group characteristics into “masculine” and “feminine”, many people find some amount of gender transgression exciting, so there is some fluidity between the two categories. Ultimately, gender is a “mix and match” mode of self-expression, and people within our culture are ever finding new ways to express their gender, with exciting subtleties and intriguing implications.

In general, it works best to think of all effects – sexual orientation, gender identity, sexual identity, and any others – as varying along a continuous spectrum of self-expression, rather than in just one of two or three ways.

SEXUAL ORIENTATION vs. GENDER IDENTITY vs. SEXUAL IDENTITY

Sexual orientation, gender identity, and sexual identity are independent of each other. A person may express any variation of each of these in any combination. To discourage the free expression of identity and orientation by an individual is to impose a damaging burden of conformity.

Sexual Orientation is which sex you find erotically attractive: other (hetero), same (homo), or both (bi). Sexual Identity is how you see yourself physically: male, female, or in between. If someone is born female, but wishes to see their body as male in all respects, their sexual identity is male. It is generally rude to speak of such a person as female, since it denies that person their right to inhabit the social and physical role of their choosing. We refer to such a person as a transsexual, whether or not they have had any surgery. Many FTM transsexuals do not undergo genital surgery, as the results so far are relatively crude and the procedure terribly expensive. As surgical technique improves, such people will be able to achieve more satisfying realizations of their dreams. However, since it is healthier for these people to live in accord with their wishes and heartfelt need, we call them men, though the may have a vagina where one would expect to find a penis.

The situation for MTF transsexuals is equivalent, except that the surgery produces a much more satisfying result, both cosmetically and functionally.

Nonetheless, many transgender people who look like transsexuals in every other regard elect to not have the surgery. Those who retain male sexual functioning tend to refer to themselves as transgenderists, since it is only their gender which is changed. Those that give up (or wish to give up) all male sexual function tend to think of themselves as transsexuals, since they change their sexual function, and therefore their sexual identity. Again, not all transsexuals undergo genital surgery. Some enjoy the atrophy of penis and testicles induced by taking female hormones, and others choose less radical surgical options such as castration (orchiectomy).

Gender Identity is how you see yourself socially: man, woman, or a combination of both. One may have a penis but prefer to relate socially as a woman, or one may have a vagina but prefer to relate as a man. One might prefer to be fluid, relating sometimes as a man and sometimes as a woman. Or one might not identify as either one, relating androgynously.

DEFINITIONS/TERMS

People tend to categorize themselves. This identification can be helpful in finding like-minded others with whom to make friends, but it can be hurtful if imposed on an individual by others, well-intentioned or not. In relating to transgender folk, it is best to avoid pushing an individual to choose a category for themselves (tell you what they are). Some folks prefer to explore the fringes of category, and such push for identification work against personal exploration and fulfillment.

Transgender folk have self-identified as:

Drag Queen: Female-emulating male, usually campy, often (not always) gay.
Butch: Masculine-appearing person.
Femme: Feminine-appearing person.
Drag King: Male-emulating woman.
Intersex: Person born with mixed sexual physiology. Often [surgically re-]’assigned’ at birth, such practice is coming under well-founded attack as a hurtful violation of a person’s well-being.
Transvestite: Person who enjoys wearing clothes identified with the opposite gender, often but not always straight.
Crossdresser: Polite term for transvestite.
Transgenderist: Person who lives as gender opposite to anatomical sex, i.e. man living as woman but retaining penis (& sexual functioning). Sexual orientation varies.
Androgyne: Person appearing and identifying as neither man nor woman, presenting a gender either mixed or neutral.
Transsexual: Person whose sexual identity is opposite to their assignment at birth. Not all TS folk undergo ‘sex reassignment surgery’ (SRS), for various reasons, including personal preference. Sexual orientation varies.
Transgender Community: A loose association of people who transgress gender norms in a wide variety of ways. Celebrating a recently born self-awareness, this community is growing fast across all lines, including social, economic, political, and philosophical divisions. The central ethic of this community is unconditional acceptance of individual exercise of freedoms including gender and sexual, identity and orientation.

PREJUDICE and DISCRIMINATION

Unfortunately, the transgender community suffers from severe victimization. Society often reacts to gender transgression by trying to discourage the behavior, punishing the individual. Transgender folk are much more likely than others to commit suicide, to be murdered, to be fired from their job, to be beaten up, and to be hurt in many more ways, some as blatant as open ridicule, some as insidious as non-hiring. There are places where people, simply because their gender expression runs contrary to the norm, are subjected – usually by their families – to the emotional trauma and physical suffering of barbaric “therapeutic” practices such as imprisonment and shock “therapy”. While these are generally done for the “welfare” of the individual, they are too often done to comfort the individual’s family, with little regard for the suffering of the individual. The level of trauma suffered by transgender folk is much higher than the norm, and is reflected in more difficult lives and greater incidence of depression and despair.

All of this is beginning to change, as people learn that there is no harm visited on either the individuals or their families or workplace by gender transgression. In fact, there are and have always been cultures where gender transgression is accepted as a natural part of the life of the culture.

The only harm visited by transgenderism is the same harm that is still too often visited on others by the forces of racism. In the case of transgender folk, the words for the feelings that cause people to oppress us are fear of difference and transphobia. The words for the feelings that bring about an end to the suffering and a healing of this aspect of our society are compassion and tolerance.

altsex.org/transgender/Nangeroni.html – 2004

Telling Parents

This is for everyone who’s planning to tell their parents soon and to everyone whose parents know but just don’t understand (I apologize in advance to FtM readers and non-transsexual readers. This is written in terms of a transsexual woman. I hope you can find useful insight regardless)…

As you may know when I came out to my mum last summer she was very accepting and supportive of me. This was mainly because of how she had come to think of me and our relationship in the time since I had come out to her as gay in January of the previous year. Accepting me as gay had been a terrible struggle for her, she hadn’t rejected me in any way but she was concerned about how I would be treated, if I would have a happy life and so on. She says now that at first it seemed like a terrible thing to come to terms with but now it seems like nothing at all. At that time we began to talk a lot more and a lot more personally and our relationship shifted from parent/child to adult friends. I helped her through stress as much as she helped me. We talked about our feelings and found we had a lot in common. She told me things like how she too couldn’t live a life where she wasn’t doing something that would help people rather than exploit them and that she believed going to university was important not to learn facts but to learn /life/, that it gave you the opportunity to discover and reinvent yourself away from people who’ve known you since you were born or since you were a pre-teen. Our relationship was such that when I told my mum I was transsexual, she believed me and trusted in my judgement. She knew that I knew my mind and tried to understand myself and keep in touch with my feelings (we’re long believers of the “it’s good to cry” philosophy). She didn’t doubt that when I said something I meant and truly believed it. That I would have thought about it and understood it and everything it would lead to. She talked about unconditional love and loving the person not the role. She said the most important thing was our happiness and she trusted in me enough to believe I knew myself enough to know what I /had/ to do to be happy.

I was very lucky to have such an accepting and supportive parent and to have gone through the previous coming out experience which brought us both to that point. However, just because my mum was supportive and accepting from the word go, she wasn’t understanding. She trusted me to know what I needed to do but she didn’t have /any/ idea what that meant. She was as scared and confused as any parent. Since then things have improved greatly and we’ve talked about her feelings during those first few months. I’m sure that all or at least some of this will apply to /all/ parents and I want to share them with you so you can go into coming out to your parents or educating your parents armed with the knowledge of the sorts of feelings, fears and misconceptions they will be holding…

My mum had no concept of what it meant to be transsexual. She didn’t understand it /at all/. Now my mum is a very intelligent woman and I assumed that as such she would be aware of at least the basics. She wasn’t. At all. She told me at Christmas that she had spent the first few months expecting me to ‘become’ a transsexual. That I was going to live the rest of my life as ‘a transsexual’. She had no idea of what that was. She’d been exposed to absolutely no role models of successful adult or youth transsexuals. As far as she knew she didn’t know anyone else who was transsexual. In her mind I was going to become some kind of amalgamation of every half understood stereotype and comment she’d heard for transsexuals, transvestites and drag queens and that I was going to live in some kind of transsexual ghetto with other transsexuals or walk the street in a ball gown and full make-up calling everyone ‘dhaaarling!’. None of it was really that clear. She had no concept, she could only imagine. And parents always imagine the worst when they face the unknown.I first became aware of this when my mum, some months later, asked me questions like “what will you wear when you… er transition?” and “well what will you do?”. Many parents would be too proud to ask questions like this, especially if they’ve decided that you’re doing the wrong thing (it would be like saying “You haven’t thought this through at all! It’s completely the wrong thing for you! …um, what does this involve again?”). The correct response to this question is to say “I’m just going to be like any woman my age, I’ll dress like any of your friends 20 year old daughters would, when this is finished I’ll just be a normal girl.”
Of course the truly correct way to deal with this is to make sure your parents understand from the start that you will just be a normal woman (or man if you’re going in that direction) when this is all over. You really need to make this clear, it’s not a conclusion they’ll come to on their own. Show them pictures and websites of successfully transitioned transsexual women your age, let them see they’re just normal girls getting on with their life and relating to the world as normal girls. You’re not turning into a freak you’re turning into just another person. The only difference is you’ll be the other sex and a lot happier.
She had no concept of what hormones would do, of when surgery happens and when it can’t happen or, perhaps most importantly, of the concept of passing. She didn’t understand what hormones would do and what they wouldn’t do. She realized they would give me breasts but I’ve met people who didn’t know that — don’t assume they know anything no matter how obvious. She didn’t put passing into the equation at all, in her mind hormones would have no effect on me at in other people’s eyes. No logically I’m sure she could have thought that through and realized that I was going to look different but she /wasn’t/ thinking logically.I became aware of this when I noticed that she had all sorts of fears about the rest of my life living in constant danger.
Again, explain from the start how hormones work. Show your parents impressive pictures of perfectly passing transsexual women your age. Tell them that in twelve months time you will look more like a sister or female cousin than the person you look like now. Explain the simple things, fat redistribution, skin texture, breasts and how people judge other people’s sex. She told me once that she’d had a revelation looking at other women in the street and realizing the sheer diversity in size and shape of people that society has no problem calling women. Before this point she’d had the completely illogical belief that I’d have to look like a cheer leader to pass. Your parents might have complete blind spots in their mind about tall people being able to be women if the tall person in question is you…
She believed that I’d live the rest of my life alone without love. That I would never be able to find a loving partner as a transsexual. The thing she was most concerned about was my ability to live a happy and successful life and she didn’t have any concept of transsexuality being compatible with that.She told me this when I came out to her. I was very surprised considering how happy and confident I was that I was going to be loved and liked as a gay man. She didn’t see that as a woman I’d be more likely to find a partner than as a gay man. She didn’t understand that I was becoming more normal not less. Yet again she had a lot of positive gay role models and no positive transsexual women role models.
Explain that you’ll just be like any other woman your age and just as likely to find happiness, love and success as any other woman. Use words like ‘woman’ rather than transsexual, talk in terms of your self and your life being female and normal. You’re not becoming a freak, you /feel/ like a freak now. You are /far/ more likely to be happy and successful in life after transition that you ever were before.
She had a lot of trouble seeing me as female when I looked male. She’s said since that she sees me completely as female now but when she first found out about what I was going through she had never thought about things in that way.Again she told me this on our walk around the Whistable coast line when I came out to her. She said that she didn’t think I /was/ very female, that yes I looked female and my body language was but she didn’t think I acted like a girl. I asked her what she meant and she came out with things like I was assertive and hungry to learn.
Explain the difference between gender and gender roles and stereotypes. Ask your parent if perhaps they might be being extremely sexist, perhaps if you turn it around and said, “if it wasn’t me but instead some other girl, would you seriously tell them they couldn’t be a woman because they want to learn things or because they ask questions and get things done?” ask them are they seriously saying all women are content to be unassertive and ignorant? Parents can be extremely sexist about what makes a woman when attempting to prove to themselves that you’re not. Help them to see that what they’re saying would most probably offend or even disgust them in any other context. I told my mum that gender is the way we think and feel about ourselves as men and women whereas gender roles are all the stereotypes, baggage and ‘rules’ that society piles on top of men and women. There’s nothing biological in women to make them /all/ likeable people who do all the housework and love pink and there’s nothing biological in men to make them /all/ fast car loving, competitive sports fans…
My mum felt terrible and guilt stricken to discover that I had been miserable, uncomfortable and depressed all through my childhood and /she hadn’t noticed/. She found it very difficult to cope with the amount of pain this meant I’d gone through on my own.Months later she told me how much this thought upset her and how she was having difficulty forgiving herself for not noticing. She said she’d noticed I wasn’t happy during some of my teenage but that she’d assumed the door slamming, lack of visible friends and staying in bed all day were down to hormones not depression.
I sent my parents a long email explaining how much they’d done for me as I grew up, how while I was very depressed at school, home was always a haven and happy place for me and the only place I really felt I had any chance of being myself. How although I knew that if I had been a girl from the very start I’d have had a much more happy school and social life and I wouldn’t have chosen to do the same things with my life, I always made the most of the situation I was in, I read, I programmed computer games, I played pretend with my brother, I built an awful lot of lego and I sang in the privacy of my own room. Perhaps I wouldn’t have done the same things if I hadn’t been transsexual, but they were still a good childhood, even if it was a compromise childhood and all the best parts happened when I was at home. With my parents.

OK, that’s all the insight I’m giving today. I hope you can keep this advice in mind when tell your parents and when you’re helping them to understand and accept the situation they’ll feel suddenly thrust into.

Although this didn’t come direct from my mum, I hope this more open ended advice will also be useful:

Remember your parents are most likely, shocked, scared, guilty and confused. They don’t understand what you’ve gone through, what you are going through and what you will be going through. Most likely their first reaction will not be a positive as my mum’s. Depending on personality and situation they may decide to fall into the parent role and, all though they’re in no state to do so, decide what’s right and wrong for you without any of the relevant information needed to make this decision. It’s quite likely they will go into denial, maybe they’ll pretend it’s not happening, maybe they’ll blame something or someone completely irrationally and say that you’ve been corrupted. Only you know how your parents are likely to react to such feelings as shock, fear, guilt, confusion and even loss (your parents may think of you as a son rather than a person in your own right). Your parents may not be able to cope with any kind of shift in how they perceive, treat and think about you, at least at first. There may also be additional guilt if you’ve ever told them this before and they didn’t believe you or told you it would go away. Even more if they shipped you off to a psychologist when you were 12 and then never talked about it again. Any of these reactions will most likely cause you a lot of pain. It’s very likely that you’ve learnt to relate to at least one of your parents with some degree of argument or confrontation as you grew up.

Here’s the important thing. Bear everything I’ve said today in mind. Don’t feel offended, don’t even get upset. Stay rational, stay calm and keep your parents feelings in mind. You owe it to your parents to /help them/ through this. Do not expect any kind of support or understanding from them, don’t expect /anything at all/. Take any comment that you might find offensive or upsetting or rejecting and /give them the benefit of the doubt/. They don’t know what they’re talking about, they don’t know how to react, how to help or how to make this better. They don’t understand and they’re scared. HELP THEM. If you thought they deserved to know then they also deserve to understand, to know exactly what’s going to happen to you and /not/ to lose you because of this. Don’t let this turn into a conflict, do not get angry, don’t take any comment they make personally. When your parents say something that suggests ignorance or fear, don’t get angry, don’t storm off, don’t cry. Use every rejection, ignorant comment and attack as a cry for help. Learn from what they say to you, find out what they don’t understand and /explain/ it to them, slowly and rationally. The most important thing is that you talk. Talk as much as possible. Let them know everything that’s going to happen. Give them /a lot/ of time to get used to the idea and give them /a lot/ of information to read as they do. Show your parents that you think, show your parents you know what you’re doing, show them your confident, show them that /you/ are the rational one here, that /you/ know the facts and that /you/ are going to be there to help them through this. If they argue with you or shout at you or doubt you /do not lower yourself to their level/, you owe that to them. Help them through this, they don’t want to lose you, they don’t understand, they’re afraid. No matter what other concerns they have — what other people think, how this will affect their marriage, if you’re being corrupted or delusional — when it comes down to it your parents want you to be happy and successful and loved in your life. Realize that even the most withit and understanding parents can have trouble understanding that you can be happy /and/ deal with your transsexuality. They may realize that your transsexuality makes you miserable, they may understand that transition will make that better, but most likely they won’t realize that going down the path of transition does not close off the paths to a happy, successful life. Help them to see that if anything transition opens /all/ the paths and makes everything easier in the long term.

Just remember an ignorant comment is not the cue to a shouting match, it’s a cue to you that your parents don’t understand something and you need to explain it to them with kindness, compassion and understanding. Don’t drop to their level. They’ll thank you later.

Since I talked everything through with my mum things have improved immeasurably. She talked everything through with my Dad and we’ve all become closer. After a few months they became comfortable with calling me Zoe and using female pronouns all the time. They began apologising if they got it wrong. After a while my mum began to truly think of me as female and become quite upset or even confused if others got it wrong. After a lot of pushing by me to talk about it to her friends, my mum told a number of people close to her in her life through which it began to feel even more normal to her. Before christmas my mum told all of my relatives of my situation. She did this by phone and in person, in each case describing it in terms of me being a girl who’d struggled through life trapped by the wrong body until now when I was finally being myself and putting things right. Edited copies of my webpage helped. Since then I’ve received nothing but support and acceptance from all my relatives and I’m certain such a universally positive reaction is down to the way my mum presented the situation to them. At christmas my mum told me that when she tells people who don’t know about what’s happened in my life they all tend to tell her how sorry they feel for her and how terrible it must be. She said that she doesn’t really understand that, how it really doesn’t feel like a bad thing and in a funny way it just seems like a normal and natural part of growing up to her now. With hindsight she’d noticed certain things. She says when we were looking around universities in early 1998 she’d seen me coming out of the men’s toilets at a motorway service station surrounded by business men and lorry drivers and how completely delicate and out of place I’d seemed and how I just don’t look incongruous any more. Things can work out with your family.

By Zone, freeuk.com/zoe.html 2004