Dealing With Homophobic Family

Dealing with homophobic people in general is difficult, but when those people are your family it hurts. Unfortunately, in most cases, you will not be able to change the views of your homophobic family members regarding your sexuality, especially if their homophobia stems from their religion.

The best you can do is to temporarily distance yourself from said homophobic family members for two reasons:

1.) You need to get away from the toxicity and stress that your family members cause you due to your sexuality, and

2.) You need to take a step back and educate yourself on why your family members are the way they are so that you can fully understand their perspectives. It could be that it isn’t necessarily you they dislike, it’s the homosexual stereotypes and stigma. For most people, homophobia stems from a lack of factual knowledge about homosexuality.

Once you’ve distanced yourself from your homophobic family members and taken a step back to understand their perspectives, then you can take the next steps in calmly confronting them on their behavior and educating them. Most conservative or religious people will not willingly seek out or accept factual information regarding sexuality, so please be sure to be mindful of this when confronting your family members on their homophobic behavior if they are conservative or religious. Understand that the homophobia will not go away in a day, a week, or in some cases, ever. Remember, the most you can do is to distance yourself, take a step back and understand their perspective, confront them and then educate them. After that, the rest is up to them.

In life family is all that we have, so while it may be okay to temporarily distance yourself from your family in pursuit of ridding your life of homophobia, remember to not distance yourself from your family forever. Sometimes it takes distancing yourself from people for them to appreciate you and for them to realize that they are missing out on having you in their lives for such a trivial and ignorant reason; a reason that neither you nor they can change.

Personal Advice

Gay and Coming Out of the Closet

There are few set rules to this often harrowing experience, mostly there are merely guidelines based on the experiences of others, but from the knowledge of many of those experiences, including my own, this article has been written with an aim to help those considering “coming out”. Of the few rules there are, one hard and fast one is to always do what you think is best for you – but to do it considerately.

Another is that before even contemplating coming out to anyone, especially to your family, you do need to be absolutely sure in yourself that you really are gay. Don’t base anything on just a few pleasurable experiences you may have had with someone of the same sex.

Straight people do sometimes experiment (as many as two in every five males will have same-sex at some time in their lives – statistics that are a blessing to many a gay man) and they do often enjoy it – so be thoroughly sure before dropping what to some people might be a bombshell! Few will thank you later for a: “Whoops! I got it wrong!” Once you have completely accepted that you are gay then the whole coming out issue raises its ugly head.

You will find yourself questioning:

Do I really need to tell anyone? Should I try to keep it a secret?

Should I tell my parents? And if so – both of them, or just one of them – at least at first?

How about my brothers and sisters; the rest of the family; and my friends – should they all be told?

Then there’s the people at work – do they need to know?

Each person’s situation will be different, and only they will have the best idea of who, if anybody, they should tell. Some people will feel it is best to tell everyone – others to tell no-one. Some won’t want to tell either one, or both, of their parents because they “know” it would devastate them, or they would simply never understand, whilst others may conclude it is best to keep it under wraps at work.

With friends, especially close ones, you may think you know who you could, and who you could not, confide in. It is you and you alone who will be the best judge of each situation, but you will need to have done some groundwork on which to base your conclusions. An obvious way if you are unsure of someone is to pass a casual non-judgemental comment on something gay that is in the newspaper or on the television (there’s usually something around most times) to see how they react.

If you do decide to come out to someone, then this is no time to rush into anything. You will need to pick a good time to tell them – a time when neither of you are busy or are likely to be disturbed. Don’t be tempted to undertake the task when you, or they, are the worse for drink. Don’t prepare a speech or a lecture full of baffling statistics – just try to be your usual self and converse as you normally would.

Do try to get it across that your coming out changes nothing, that you are still exactly the same person you were before telling them, and that the only one thing that has changed is that they now know your true sexuality. Assure them that you still love them / like them / need them the same as you always have done, and tell them that you hope upon hope that they can come to terms with your sexuality and accept you for what you really are, just as you had to.

Do be prepared for questions, some of which you may not know the answers to – in which case be honest; don’t attempt to blag it. And do be prepared for the unexpected; for things to go badly wrong. They don’t often, but they can. If you are living with parents and you decide to tell them, then no matter how sure you may be that they will take it okay, it is sensible to have somewhere else lined up where you could stay for a while – just in case.

This is one reason why my advice for anyone under sixteen is to wait until they are old enough to leave home. That way there are no legal complications if it all goes terribly wrong, life becomes unbearable, and they need to spend a few nights away from home. A major reason for a lot of people coming out is to stop all those embarrassing questions like: “When are you going to find a nice girl and settle down?” As this doesn’t usually apply to anyone in their early teens, a time when most lads still go “out with the boys” and anything they might do is likely to be seen as a fad or a mere phase that they are going through, it is probably prudent to wait for a few years.

But whatever age you are, if you do come out and it does all go tits up it is imperative that you don’t get into a heated argument or a full blown row – be man enough to walk away. A little time will often improve matters, so make sure you stay in touch. Never burn your bridges. Worrying about how coming out might affect you, the way it may affect others sometimes gets overlooked.

Here’s a few issues regarding your parents that you may need to understand and address: It is natural for mothers to eagerly look forward to their grandchildren and, especially if you are an only child, they may feel they are going to miss out on a large part of their lives. Occasionally a father may feel that his masculinity has been put in question by producing a gay son and there may be some, albeit even subconscious or hidden, resentment that you have made it public knowledge.

Your parents, searching for a reason, may come to believe that you are gay directly as a result of them raising you incorrectly – they may hold themselves responsible and feel guilty. Unless you’re cruel and don’t care about your parents, these issues need addressing with a lot of love and support. Keep them involved in your life as much as possible, let them see that you are happy with your lifestyle, and be involved in their lives too, but do respect their wishes when it comes to meeting your gay boyfriends – some will want to meet them; some won’t in the early days but will come around to it later; and just a few will wish to carry on as if nothing had been said – with the word “gay” never mentioned again in front of them.

In the event the coming out to your parents goes really badly, despite any animosity you need to remember (for they will) that you are still their son. They may hate your lifestyle, they may not understand it, they may not be able to come to terms with it, but they will always love you as their son even though they may tell you different and not be showing it at that time.

Don’t give up on trying to build bridges – one day one will probably reach them. Whilst it is possible to come out to your parents, and sometimes even to the wider family, without others including your friends knowing about you, the reverse may not necessarily be as true. Unless you live away from your family and nobody that knows you works (goes to college / uni) where you do, in time there is a likelihood that rumour or word will get back to someone you would have preferred not to have known.

It only takes one friend to unwittingly tell someone, perhaps someone who has revealed an interest in you, that you bat for the other side for the word to spread like wildfire as they do their “Did you know…?” bit to all their friends and family. Remember: once you have come out, even if it is to only one person, you no longer have a secret and you must be prepared for others to find out about you at any time. For this reason I have always considered it best to come out to everybody, but you may feel differently.

There are some people who, when they weigh it all up, decide it is best for their circumstances to keep their sexuality a total secret and to not come out at all. It can work, but it’s not without some consequences. For years these people will have to suffer family and friends frequently asking them when they are going to meet the right girl and settle down. In time they may even find that strange liaisons are being arranged as they are invited to dinner parties and paired off at the table with an endless stream of left on the shelf girls.

It can all get a bit embarrassing, and when that doesn’t work, and there’s still no girlfriend in sight, at least one person will at some time come right out with it and ask them point blank if they are gay. What then? Do they lie to them, and thereafter really live a lie? And if they do, how do they feel about lying to their friends and family – those people who love them?

Sometimes not coming out can be as hard as actually coming out – only it lasts longer! I have particularly covered coming out to the parents and family most in this article because I believe them to be the most important – you cannot change your family whereas your friends you can, and probably will, change many times throughout your lifetime. If a friend can’t accept your sexuality, then how good a friend are they?

You are better off finding another friend. And anyway, if you’ve come out, or are coming out, you’ll probably already have a lot of gay friends, or be seeking them, so the loss of an old friend won’t matter that much. Every year gay people are accepted a little more, and so every year it becomes a little easier for those considering coming out. Nevertheless to most faced with the task the experience can still be very unnerving – a little like a first flight in an aircraft or a first solo performance on stage to a massive audience, but more so.

You know it’s all been done before; it’s done on a daily basis and rarely does anything go wrong. You know by all the odds that afterwards you will feel relieved, and proud of yourself – but even knowing all that doesn’t help you much. Some of the ways I benefited from coming out may help you: There was an instant relief that I didn’t have to hide anything anymore – I could be my true self.

No more did I have to look over my shoulder and scan the street before going into a gay pub; no more did I have to check out who was in WH Smiths before buying the Gay Times; no more did the pictures on my walls have to reflect the straight world – up went the hunks! And no more did I have to cringe in horror in case someone I knew saw the obvious camp queen cooeying hello across the street at me.

Then there was the pleasure of being able to tell a girl who had been after getting the pants off me for months that I was gay, instead of coming up with yet another excuse why we shouldn’t be doing it, and an even greater pleasure in putting on an outrageously camp voice (it’s not the usual me) to a good friend’s over-sexed and persistent wife who once more was playing tootsies under the table. “Dhaaarling! I’m gay and I don’t do fish suppers!” I screamed. He looked; she fled – and I was never bothered again.

Getting back to the more serious side, being completely out it was no surprise to anyone when I turned up at all the works parties with my male partner. No more did I have to find excuses and miss out on such things – it also started a bit of a trend as two others began to bring their male partners along too! And with my partner, as an out gay couple, we were able to go to both of our respective family’s celebrations, weddings, funerals and Christmas parties as a part of that family.

You could say that coming fully out allowed us to enjoy a normal life similar to that of any heterosexual couple – apart from that what we did in bed. All our neighbours accepted us. They loved our gay parties and barbecues to which we always invited them (some would even help out with the cooking and the preparations – we were no fools!) and they in return would invite us and many of our gay friends to their parties.

I cannot imagine living my life in any other way than being totally out and honest. What you see is what you get, and if you don’t like it – tough! I know that not everybody will feel that my way could be their way, but if they are considering it and think it might be for them then I am living proof that it can work.

There is so much I would not have done, and so much life I would have missed out on, had I remained even partially in the closet. A few tips: It will be easier to come out if you already have gay friends who will help and support you. If you have a boyfriend who is happy to come out with you (or is already out) it will be even easier.

If you are setting up home with a partner, and you are out to your parents, get your mothers to help you move in – they’ll do all the outing needed to the neighbours and give you a “legitimacy” – you’ll have no problems. Finally, and I believe the most important tip of all: Always try to live your life with compassion, but the way that YOU want to live it. It is your life and yours alone – and you are only given the one. To waste even a moment of it is to miss so much. Be lucky!

M. Knell

This article has been written by a gay man, one who has been out to all for most of his lifetime and during which time he has been a supporter of the Campaign for LGBTI+ Equality.

Where Is Gay Marriage Legal?

Gay marriages, often also referred to as same-sex marriages, have been a contentious issue all over the world, especially in countries, where both the debate and debaters are to interact at a very public forum. Over the years, many arguments have been put forward in support of and against the legalization of gay marriages, each based upon by a volley of opinions coming from different schools of thought.

When examining the nature of debate over the question of legality regarding gay marriages, there are three main generic divisions within which the arguments regulate – biological, social and religious. If we consider the biological debate, the arguments from each side are not unexpectedly novel or unique. Those opposed to gay marriage argue that homosexuality is against the natural norms of procreation. The male and female species are anatomically designed to interact physically in harmony to lead to the creation of human off-springs. In that sense, the sexual interaction between the same sexes is against the laws of nature, and thus unacceptable in the social context of a healthy living community. On the other hand, gay activists propose that for those people who do not consider the lack of ability to procreate a set-back in any way, a homosexual relationship and its legal acceptance should not be an issue. While there are multiple sub-clauses to these arguments as well, the gist of the divergence lies in the question of procreation.

The social and religious facets of this debate concerning same-sex marriages are largely so interlinked. People of the Catholic religious tradition belief that homosexuality is against the tenets of the Bible. Thus, those involved in gay relationships are in complete violation of the Christian religious ideology.

l. Therefore, homosexuality and its legal sanction is not in any way a rejection or violation of any religious sensibilities. Either way, since there is no way in which to come upon an interpretation of the Bible that shall be acceptable to both the anti-gay and pro-gay sects of the agenda, it is hard to reach any nature of conclusion on this aspect of debate.

The social aspect of the debate on homosexuality is somewhat linked with both the biological and religious debate. Those who are not in favor of legalizing of gay marriage argue that since homosexuality is ‘unnatural’ and ‘a desecration of Christian Dictates’, legalizing same-sex unions shall lead to the spread of this socio-sexual anomaly in society. Providing legal sanction to same-sex marriages shall cause more and more people to believe that homosexuality is not a deviation from what is healthy and desirable, thus leading to the degradation of society. Those in support of the legalizing gay marriage argue that sexual orientation may be either an inherent preference or a personal life-style choice. Either way, any free individual should be at liberty to indulge in a relationship of homosexual nature, just as people can free have heterosexual relationships. Since gay people are not in any way less human than heterosexuals, and nor do their relationships have lesser or more sanctity than those of the latter, there is no reason why their marital union should not be illegal.

While there is no end to the debate on homosexuality and its legal sanction. While the judicial response has been varied in different regions, there is a general trend of homosexuality gaining more acceptances over the past decade.

1. In 2001, the Netherlands became the first country to legalize same-sex marriages.
2. Belgium followed suit in 2003 and granted equal rights to same-sex married couples.
3. Canada, In 2005, the Canadian Parliament passed legislation making same-sex marriage legal nationwide.
4. Spain, Also in 2005, a closely divided Spanish parliament agreed to do the same.
5. After South Africa‘s highest court ruled the country’s marriage laws violated the constitution’s guarantee of equal rights, parliament legalized same-sex marriage in 2006.
6. In 1993 Norway allowed gay couples to enter civil unions, but it took until 2008 for a Norway to pass a gender-neutral marriage law.
7. In 2009, Sweden voted overwhelmingly in favor of legalizing same-sex marriage.
8. Iceland‘s parliament voted unanimously to legalize same-sex marriage in 2010.
9. Portugal has also allowed same-sex marriage since 2010, after legislation was originally challenged by the country’s president.
10. In 2010, Argentina became the first Latin American country to allow same-sex marriage.
11. Denmark‘s legalization came in 2012 after Queen Margrethe II gave her royal assent to the proposed legislation.
12. Uruguay passed legislation allowing same-sex marriage in 2013.
13. In 2013, New Zealand became the first country in the Asia-Pacific to legislate for same-sex marriage.
14. President Francois Hollande signed a measure legalizing marriage equality in France in 2013.
15. Brazil’s National Council of Justice ruled that same-sex couples should not be denied marriage licenses in 2013, allowing same-sex marriages to begin across the country.
16. England and Wales became the first countries in the UK to pass marriage equality in 2014.
17. Scotland voted overwhelmingly in favor of of legalizing same-sex marriage later in 2014.
18. Luxembourg overwhelmingly approved legislation to allow gay and lesbian couples to wed and to adopt children that went into effect in 2015.
19. Finland approved a marriage equality bill in 2014.
20. Ireland became the first country to legalize same-sex marriage through a popular vote in 2015.
21. Greenland, the world’s biggest island, passed same-sex legislation in 2015.
22. The United States Supreme Court made marriage equality federal law in 2015.
23. Colombia became the fourth Latin American country to legalize same-sex marriage in 2016.
24. In 2017, Germany became the 15th European country to allow same-sex couples to wed.
25. In 2017, nearly all of Malta‘s parliament voted in favor of legalizing same-sex marriage.
26. Australia legalized same-sex marriage in 2017 after lawmakers enacted the will of the majority of citizens who overwhelmingly voted for the measure by postal vote.
27. Taiwan made history on May 24, 2019, becoming the first place in Asia to pass laws on marriage equality.
28. Ecuador‘s highest court approved same-sex marriage in a 5-4 ruling.
29. Costa Rica became the first Central American country to legalize same-sex marriage on May 26, 2020.

The column contains personal comments.

Gay Marriage

Gay marriage has always been a hot topic in the past and will continue to be as more and more people finally come out and reveal themselves. Even more celebrity figures have been more brave and have racked up the courage to come out in front of a national audience.

But what about the people, you know; the average straight people that exist in the world, how do they feel about gay marriages and homosexuality in general?

Some people believe it’s a sickness, some believe that it conflicts with the same religions.

How do you feel about gay marriages?

There are countries that allow and support it, why not the others? It will take some time for other states to catch on to the fact of “equality”. Discrimination is always brought up with the topic of gay marriages and couples. Homosexuality is a very emotional topic for most people and we do not mean to offend anyone who comes to our site and reads the information we have.

Throughout this site you will find more topics about gay marriage and factual data that is currently going on within the world and United States. Be sure to bookmark this site to follow up with us as we continue to grow.

Tips to Help Gay & Bisexual Men About Dating & Relationships

10 Tips to Help Gay and Bisexual Men Make Better Choices About Dating and Relationships

“Check in” with yourself to understand what’s behind your motivation for dating or being in a relationship. How much are you affected by others’ opinions of you based on whether you’re single? Do you feel more alive when you’re involved with another guy? Are you genuinely attracted to this guy? Are you reacting to feeling lonely or rejected?

Identify what kinds of experiences have been satisfying when dating or being in a relationship in the past… and what has left you wanting something else. How you’ve felt about past experiences can direct you to what will work for you in the future.

Get in touch with what you value, what you need and what you desire in another guy and in a relationship. Without this awareness, you may well make choices that don’t satisfy what’s really important to you. This is your life… follow your bliss!

Recognize that dating or being in a relationship makes demands on you – and not only time, effort and sacrifice – it demands that you reveal who you are to another guy. It’s important to know how prepared you are to do this at this time in your life.

Timing is (almost!) everything… are you really ready to date or be in a relationship? Or are difficult life circumstances – dealing with significant health changes, substance use, experiencing oppression, grief over a loss, etc. – stressing your ability to handle the additional challenges of connecting with another guy?

Be aware of the power balance between you and the other guy. If you feel you have little power, how will you be able to negotiate what you need or desire? If you feel you have most of the power in a relationship (not an easy thing to recognize!), will you be able to really hear what the other guy wants or desires?

People change over time… and so do relationships… particularly in the early stages of getting to know someone. It’s important to be prepared for the natural evolution of relationships — and the first step towards this is to accept that change is inevitable.

Before you begin to date or start a relationship, make sure friends and family are there for support – you’ll appreciate them helping you celebrate the highs and deal with the lows!

Recognize you have a choice in saying “yes” or “no” in any situation – and that choosing to be single is a choice.

Be prepared for the feeling that dating or being in a relationship is not always easy! Many dates do not lead to an ongoing relationship and most relationships you’re in will not be the “final one” (if this was true, we would all still be in our 1 st relationship!)

Lesbian seeking gay man for marriage

The app, called Queers, allows gay men to connect to a network of over 4000 lesbians in order to enter into a ‘co-operative marriage’.

The agreement which is referred to as a ‘xinghun’ in China, operates much like the Western notion of a beard, whereby a person may date someone in order to conceal their sexuality.

Users of the app have explained a xinghun allows them to continue with the appearance of heterosexuality and conceal their sexuality from oftentimes conservative parents.

Although China decriminalised homosexuality in 1997, many of the nation’s older generation still view being lesbian or gay as a mental illness (China removed the classification of homosexuality as a mental disorder in 2001).

Founder of Queers, Liao Zhuoying said since the app launched two weeks ago, he has had over 10,000 users sign up.

Liao said Queers was a by-product of his company’s dating and meet-up apps, Gaypark and Lespark. He told the South China Post he had noticed a section of gay men were searching for lesbian wives whilst on his sites so he conducted a survey to canvas the needs of his community and Queers was born…

Online Gay Dating Safety

Much as I think online dating services are a great way to meet men, there is to a degree a darker side to these places. But then, you could also say the same about any other place that men go to meet other men.

However, one of the things about online dating services, pick up spots, chat lines and other similar places, is that quite often one is given either complete anonymity or the sense of anonymity.

Being anonymous can be nice, but with it comes an element of risk when it comes to finding dates online.

Personally, I have never had any major problems arise from meeting with guys that I’ve found on the Internet.

One of the reasons for such good fortune is because I’ve always used a pretty selective process in just who I’ll meet. I’ll admit that I haven’t always gone out with great guys as a result but I have been able to eliminate the truly questionable guys.

Lets face it; all sorts of people log onto the Internet and some of those people are just plain creepy to say the least.

I do know people that haven’t been as lucky as me. Fortunately, none of them met with actual violence. They did receive threats though; which was scary enough.

I’ve read a lot of “rules for dating safely” and here’s the problem I have with most of them…They’re mostly one sided.

For instance, it’s a little much to expect a guy to give you their phone number, (home and/or work) so that you can verify their story and existence, if you’re not willing to do the same. A lot of these tips or “rules” tell you to do just that — get their info but don’t give out your’s.

Here’s my general rule of thumb…If you’re not willing to divulge some aspect of your life or a specific about yourself; don’t expect to receive that type of information from the other guy.

The best piece of advice I can give you and one of the few hard and fast “dating safety rules” that I’ll give, is to use your best judgment and exercise some common sense; regardless of how you meet other men.

Other Safety Tips You Might Want To Consider:

• Ask for a recent photo of the guy; if you’ve got questions in your mind ask for photo ID.

A friend of mine was starting to have serious questions about a guy they had been chatting to online…When asked for photo ID, the guy emailed my friend an obviously doctored driver’s license. The friend decided not to meet the guy and the threats started pouring in…

• Agree to meet in a mutually chosen location; one that has a lot of other people around.

• Let someone know that you’re going on a date with someone you’ve just met. Give them, (a friend possibly) the “Who, What, Where, When” details.

• Write the details of your date down on a piece of paper and stick it to your fridge or someplace that people will find if the worst actually happens.

• Try and find out a little about the other guys background or life; that way you can look for any inconsistencies either before or during the actual date.

• Don’t go someplace or do something that you’re not comfortable with.

• Trust your gut instincts! If something feels or sounds fishy; don’t ignore it. Actually, this rule isn’t optional — this is the second hard and fast rule that I’ll give.

Remember, going on a date and meeting guys online is supposed to be fun but be careful out there so that you can keep on having fun meeting neat, interesting and sexy guys.

Gay Dating

Life is full of drudges and undeserved, I assure you, but there is still time this minute to whet your spear, cure your weakness, and make yourself a hero once again!

Dating for gays is a pesky dilemma. The hours you spend hunta’ the one (one more than one, in some cities) is meant to be consumed by the company you keep and the outings you create together (fect)! Yet when your muscles have gone tired and your heart has gone clammy, it may be best to deliver yourself unto the acquaintance just as a spear on a painted stone, an arrow at the ready. Do it Quick, but do it timidly. Dating for gays must not be grises en hautescé (hideous?) but instead, a fashion in progress. In other words, don’t try to be fresh as a daisy but instead, show the sausage coming at all.

Dating for gays does not have to be time-consuming but it sure does demand patience. It takes a lot of perseverance but then, the prospective of a true relationship will forever remain a hot potato in the mind.

Dating for gays does not have to be complicated, but it sure does demand its due. It is said that the first impression is the only impression, but shouldn’t that be applied to the various other possible aspects of a person’s personality? Coming late to an agreed meeting because you arrived at the wrong venue, a mistaken set-up or even a misstep on your part can be unforgivable. Being a person able to blend into any aspect of society while being an ardent and confident flirt is also something to be admired. Coming from a gay perspective, perhaps it can be generalized that,

1) being a closet hater is not the basis for dating;

2) self- trilogying is not acceptable when it comes to a good correspondence; and

3) hiding your sexual preference is a measure of emotional insecurity.

Dating for gays does not have to be painful. Hanging out a little bit, staying in the same part of the club, and even a orthodox wedding can give the gay individual an additional slew of confidence that is most sorely needed during the times when the individual is at his most comfortable. Alright, so the end of the date may have gone well, but the dating gay works his way through the miles to attain his goal during the initial stages of the relationship.

It’s an ironic phenomenon that the dating style adopted by so many gay individuals is one of the most common ways through which laziness has set in. Whenever every other person is having fun, catching the bar camper with his top on or coming in late for a screening, and yet when he stays loyal to the club he belongs to, his peers declare him as a guy who belongs in the “gal pal’s” circle, and not in the “woman’s” one.

No matter what method you may use to finally meat up for your chosen meat, be it a dance club, bar or as we, the ever righteous generation of gay, love to call it, the pleasure of dating for gays is to be found. Though hearing them say that love is blind, it seems that the ultimate Blind Faith gives the gay individuals the confidence to go on a sizzle.

Written by AI

The Female Attraction to Gay Men

However some of what seems to be positive attention about gay males seems to be negative in context. For example most females who view gay male dating is geared towards long lasting relationships. The idea that women engage in gay male dating for a short term sexual encounter and then expect the men to offer marriage in the next heat of the moment is a myth. It is further suggested that being gay is a poor choice of lifestyle because there is a higher than average failure rate in gay male relationships.

When viewing hit television shows, it is interesting that the gay male character is never the normalverse, whether it be through on-screen as well as off-screen relationships. Remember the resistance that gay males are met with, their families and peers does nothing to encourage them to fall in love with the partner they perceive them selves to be with. They usually must put up with the humiliation of being bread winners and providers in communities which they perceive themselves to be inferior. Whilst being Labrador to cute and loving pets and attending puppy HAS outings, the straight females are lesbians and have girlfriends for company and in comfort. It might be a comical picture but the gay male is usually left out in relation to the heterosexual dating partner. Lesbian couple is seen as being petite and delightsome and not the strong yet tender gender we perceive the gay male to be at times. Relationships are tiring and hard work and can be a hassle and a challenge and in the end, most daters opt badly for love over the partner that they perceive as being better for them.

Love is what a person must have for itself in order to give it the life to give to another person. Sometimes when the partner you have chosen is not falling for you, it is consideredImproper, and many millions of dollars is paid each year to settle claims out of court or tooodlesome couplewrong couplesout of relationships, where each of them thought that their pile controller was better than relational authority. These people have been exploited and thoroughly miserable. Con artists exploit human sentiments, love, trust, sexual preferences and family values using motives of greed. The burden of emotions like love is lighter for them than for individuals who are lonely or contented with their alternate lives. These people are less likely to engage in risky behaviors related to sexual behaviors and are less likely than heterosexuals to have homeless partners, or to engage in risk taking behaviors that could later lead to death.

It is mandatory that parents, together with a life partner, encourage their children to marry within their own sex and to reject social pressure to have sex with an extra gender. It is also mandatory that each individual family member acknowledge that the decision to have sex must be made by two people who have been interacting for some time and who are comfortable with each other, with the understanding that the couple does not know everything about each other. A child, and a single mother in particular, does not need the pressure from his or her father, or the fear of losing his father’s approval, or the rumors from neighborhood, school, work, and in the temperature of public opinion to convince a decision that is not theirs to make. The child, and the single mother in particular, should be able to speak freely and clearly with each other about the desires of the child and the relationship the couple has….

Gay Dating Tips: First Date Tips for Shy Guys

Going out on your first date with a guy or meeting a guy for the first time can be a bit of a nerve racking experience, especially if your one of those shy guys.

Let me tell you something; I’m one of those shy guys. But, this is one shy guy who decided that unless he did something about it, he was never going to get laid or have a boyfriend if he didn’t get out there.

Here’s my short list of the things that I have done or used in order to get over shyness, meet interesting guys and have a “successful first date”.

But first, I’ve got to tell you, that I consider every date that I’ve ever gone on a success. Why? For starters, I’m still alive to talk and write about it. And because every date, no matter how lousy or dull was a learning experience and one more date that I DID go on.

The important thing is to get out there and start meeting guys; start making friends and get off the couch or out of your bedroom.

6 Tips for Your Successful First Date

1. Have confidence in yourself, your abilities and that the date will go well.

Guys are attracted to guys who have or exude confidence. Confidence is about knowing who you are, what you want and knowing that you’ll get it.

2. Don’t think of it as a date, think of it as meeting someone interesting, for lunch, dinner, drinks, coffee, or whatever it is you plan to do. By throwing away the “date” label you can get down to just having a pleasant outing with the guy with no “date expectations”.

3. Relax and just be you. Trying to conjure up some sort of false persona is pointless, you might impress yourself for a second or two and maybe even the other guy for a moment; until he figures out its all hype or “bull”.

It’s OK to be you and if the other guy isn’t interested in you it’s no big deal, because there’s thousands and thousands of gay men out there.

4. Arrive a little bit early. I like to arrive at places a little early for a variety of reasons, but I’ve found it a helpful habit if I’m feeling a bit nervous or shy too.

When you’re going out to a restaurant or a coffee shop, if you arrive a bit early you can go to the washroom without deserting your date, compose yourself, fix your hair, wash those sweaty palms and relieve yourself if necessary.

Arriving a little early or exactly on time also means that you won’t be rushed and you won’t be puffing out excuses as to why you were late. It just makes things easier and less stressed initially.

5. Dress for the occasion and location. You don’t need to look like a Queer Eye for the Straight Guy makeover, but if you dress nicely and appropriately for the occasion and the location, you’ll not only look great, you’ll feel great. You’ll be confident that you’re in the right attire for wherever it is you’re going out to.

And now, for my ultimate not-so-secret dating tip for shy guys…

6. Wear your “power underwear” when you go out on a date, especially your first date. If you don’t have a pair of “power underwear”, get some. The idea is to get something that makes you feel incredibly powerful and sexy.

I find that thongs in purple, red or black, fit the bill for my power underwear. They allow you to feel and be powerful, sexy, flirty, and confident; all the things you need on a date.

It doesn’t matter if you don’t end up in the sack or on the floor later on in the evening. Power underwear is something that can give the shy guy that extra little edge.

Wishing you joy and dating success!

An Arab Gay Experience

I was molested by several men when I was a child. When I became a teenager I became very religious and tried to block my gay fantasies, something which proved to be very difficult. At the same time I was reading a lot of English language publications, such as Time, Newsweek and the Economist. There, I found gay culture and at 19 I decided that I was gay. It took another year for my first adult sexual encounter.

I was in medical school at the University of Jordan. We were studying ophthalmoscopy, the science of how to examine someone’s eyes. A colleague proposed that we go to a separate room in the hospital to practice on each other, and we did.

Instead of looking at my eyes he landed at my neck and mouth kissing and biting. I said no but I meant yes. This started a sexual relationship. However, since he was the active partner, he considered himself straight and me gay. There was a little of psychological abuse there.

We lived at the second circle. I started walking at night like most people of the time between the first and third circles. Soon, I discovered people driving slowly behind me and would also follow me into side streets. One guy picked me up and we had sex that night. At the end, he offered me a five dinar bill. I felt like a prostitute and I threw the money in his face. He did not mean harm but I took an offence at it. The guy met me several times after that, I think he liked me but I could never forgive him and he knew it.

All my Arab encounters were with men who were either married or who married later. I felt that to be gay in a western sense is not yet an Arab idea. This was in the years 1983-1989. Please remember the confidentiality issue since I am not out to my family, although I think that they know.

The Following Was received by e-mail from a gay Arab

30.7.98 N.S. @ Ahbab

Gay Movies, DVD Films and Videos

Here’s some of my favorite “gay movies” that are great for those times when you just feel like staying at home and curling up with someone nice on the sofa. It makes for a pleasant evening of entertainment, and who knows… These movies have been known to lead to other pleasant activities afterwards

Adam & Steve

Adam & Steve is a twisted movie all about making love work-whatever the odds.

In the 1980s, Adam (Craig Chester) and Steve (Malcolm Gets) had a horrifically embarrassing one-night stand. When they meet again years later, they fail to recognize each other and fall in love-as do their wisecracking best friends (Parker Posey and Chris Kattan).

Another Gay Movie

In the dirtiest, funniest, most scandalous gay-teen-sex-comedy-parody ever, four gay friends make a pact to lose their virginity by the end of the summer…

But that’s easier said than done, as the boys face giant sex toys, naked celebrities, masochistic teachers and an uncontrollable romance with a quiche.

With a dozen jokes a minute and who’s who of gay celebrities. Another Gay Movie is a candy-colored romp where getting laid is all that matters!

The Mostly Unfabulous Social Life of Ethan Green

Based on the popular comic strip of the same name this movie was a hit on the queer film festival circuit.

You think you have dating problems…

Ethan Green, the adorable professional assistant, attempts to make sense out of love, romance and everything in between in this romantic gay comedy.

Fabulous! The Story of Queer Cinema

The most entertaining gay history lesson you’ve ever had. Picks up where The Celluloid Closet left off! The superstars of gay and lesbian cinema shine in this amazing overview of LGBT film history.

Fabulous! The Story of Queer Cinema is packed with smart interviews and a tremendous array of film clips from the greatest movies of the genre celebrating more than half a century of queer independent filmmaking.

From Kenneth Anger’s pioneering, Fireworks (1947) to the smash hit blockbuster Brokeback Mountain.

Starring John Waters, Wilson Cruz, Guinevere Turner, Peter Paige, B. Ruby Rich, Gus Van Sant, Alan Cumming, and many more…

Brokeback Mountain

Ang Lee’s award winning and emotion stirring film, based on Annie Proulx’s short story is now available on DVD!

It’s the story of how two male lovers in the American West, during the 60’s are bound by their expected roles, how they rebel against them, and the repercussions for each of doing so.

This edition of Brokeback Mountain also includes some featurettes and interviews. A great addition to your DVD library.

Dorian Blues

If you like coming-of-age comedies then you might like watching Dorian Blues.

Dorian Blues is a bright, cheerful story about a small-town young man who realizes why he’s such a misfit — he’s gay!

Before his homophobic, Nixon-loving dad can throw him out of the house, he’s off to NYU where our hero encounters a new world of coffee houses, sophisticates and handsome men…(Sounds like a plan…)

Big Eden

Big Eden has won the audience awards at just about every gay and lesbian film festival there is. It’s also been labled as a great date movie, and I’d have to agree with that. It’s got all of the elements of a great “feel good, tear jerker, boy gets boy movie” — with some wonderful surprises and twists!

Henry (Arye Gross) is an artist living in New York but still carrying a torch for the guy he had a crush on in high school. When his grandfather has a stroke, Henry returns to his Montana hometown, Big Eden. Oh, and wouldn’t you know it, but Henry’s high school crush has since married, had children, and divorced–and seems ready to take some very different steps with his life.

Big Eden is one of those implausibly tolerant towns where lesbians kiss each other in public and old coots in cowboy hats try to play matchmaker with bashful queers.

Touch Of Pink

I enjoyed watching Touch of Pink when it was in the theaters so I’m going to get a copy of it for my DVD library.

It’s one of those comedic dramas of which there’s plenty of both in this particular movie. In fact at times Touch of Pink leans towards being kind of sappy; but in this case I was able to bear it.

The film explores the interacial gay relationship of a young, South Asian Canadian based in London and his English lover.

There’s an interesting plot device where Alim, (Jimi Mistry) is caught up in the romance, and dreams of old Hollywood that he thinks he’s living with the spirit of Cary Grant, (Kyle MacLachlan); That makes for some funny moments.

Trick

trick has been called “Magical”, “Sweet”, and “Engaging”, and I must say that the reviewers are right on all counts and then some.

The basic premise is that boy, (Gabriel an aspiring writer of Broadway musicals) meets boy, (Mark, a muscled stripper) on a subway and its lust at first sight – they are cruising for sex after all!

All they want to do is find a place for a quick tumble… and that remains their problem for the entire night right into the next day.

Throughout the night and during their cross-town Manhattan adventure/search for somewhere private, Gabriel and Mark’s relationship develops into something more than either of them had been looking for.

Tying the Knot

Tying the Knot is a critically-acclaimed film festival favorite.

This documentary is about the ferocious political battle in the US between gay people who want to marry and those determined to stop them.

7 Things Every Gay Should Take On A Date

Here are a few suggestions or tips, on what to take with you on a date. (These dating tips are in no particular order…).

1. Your humor – A must. Guys don’t want to go out with sour-pusses.

2. Condoms and lube. You never know, but it’s best to be prepared. Personally, I try to refrain from sex on the first date, as I’ve found it helpful to make the guy wait – Drive him crazy with anticipation.

3. Wear clean, neat, tidy and appropriate clothes. It’s really amazing just how many guys think they can get away with dirty underwear, shoes that are falling apart, or looking like a construction worker when they go to a really fancy restaurant. Take pride in your appearance.

4. A couple of questions or topics that you can talk about or use as conversation starters or conversation bridges.

5. Breath mints – Keep your breath fresh and pleasant please.

6. Pen & Paper – I rarely go anywhere without these; great for jotting down and exchanging email addresses, phone numbers, Instant Message handles, websites…

7. Emergency money. Long ago, I learned the value of taking change with me for pay phones. If you get in a bind you can call a friend or a relative. Of course if you’ve got a cell phone – even better. Just remember to turn it off so that you’re paying attention to your date and not to all those people who just have to call you. I’ve also found it helpful to carry enough cash to pay for at least my portion of any meal – even if I’ve been told that “it’s on him”.

Wishing you joy and success on your dates,

Gay Chat Rooms

Gay chat rooms, Some guys love them, others loathe them. I’ll admit that I haven’t been active in the chat rooms for a few years. However, before I set about to writing this article I decided to cruise by a few chat rooms to see what the scoop is these days… Nothing much has really changed since my chat days; which could be a good thing or not.

Chat rooms can be a good way to meet new guys. Sometimes these virtual meetings and hookups can actually lead to meeting guys in the flesh. I’ve actually made it that far a couple of times. Where things go from there, well, that’s up to you and the guy you happen to meet with.

More often than not though, chat rooms tend to be a good place for a virtual quickie, or a good place to just socialize and chat with someone new about anything or nothing in particular. In my experience and observations, the emphasis tends to be on the virtual quickies and the hunt for virtual quickies.

Timing is everything — I’ve been to chat rooms that are totally crowded and rocking. When I went back a day later — the same room would be totally dead. It all depends on the time of day or night, just how active the chat room will be and where in the world the guys are chatting from.

By the way, most of the dating services that I recommend have chat rooms for their members. The chat rooms tend to be text based chat rooms were it’s one big free for all, with the ability to create a little private room for one-on-one text chats. Some also offer one-on-one video chat services.

One of the things that I’ve noticed lately about the various portals that offer chat rooms is that in order to participate fully or to be able to use the full range of features that the site uses, prospective members are encouraged to upgrade their free chat accounts to a paid account.

In fact, at MSN chat, which had quite a number of gay chat rooms, it doesn’t look like free members can do anything anymore other than lurk in the corner and watch people chat. You hd got to upgrade to a premium chat account which happens to also give you a premium Hotmail account.

One of the reasons that the chat room providers are starting to charge money is to help cut down on the spammers who like to do fly by advertising in chat rooms. Chat rooms tend to be really expensive to run too as they use a lot of bandwidth and processes.

In any event, I’ve been out collecting links to gay chat rooms, which I’ll list here. I’m working on a more comprehensive list or directory of places to chat and I’ll post it to this website when it’s completed.

(For those guys that don’t know, Chat and Forums are two different things. Chat is real time, whilst forums are message boards where the conversation, topic or posts can last for quite some time.)

Short List of A Few Popular Gay Chat Sites & Chat Rooms:

All of these chat sites require registration — some may cost extra for full benefits.

• Discort Gay Chat — Yes, there’s also quite a few gay chats going on here. See my note above…

• Free Chat Now— Yes, there’s lots of gay chats and networking going on here.

• Telegram Gay Chat— Predominately straight chat portal with quite a few gay chat rooms and chat boards.

• Slack Gay Chat — Predominately straight chat portal with quite a few gay chat rooms and chat boards. Look in the Adult and Romance areas for the gay chat rooms…

Also, check out my recommended dating sites for more chat rooms. I should also mention that many of the gay community sites that I feature at my gay links site have chat rooms as well.

Now go and have yourself a bit of fun!

Gay Marriage Facts: What you need to Know about Same Sex Marriage

It used to be men and ladies. Presently, society considers a third sex which we generally allude to as gays. Throughout the years, gay individuals are battling for acknowledgment in the general public and also enabling them to wed whoever they pick in view of one’s established certification of balance. While a few preservationists contradict to this thought, there are numerous libertarians who are going down this support, regardless of the possibility that it takes conveying this up to Congress or the Highest Court of the Land.

Definition of Gay Marital Union

Otherwise called same sex marriage, gay person union is a marriage between two people of the same organic sex or sex personality. At the end of the day, it is the union amongst man and man or lady and lady as indicated by their own particular individual freedom and individual inclination.

Marriage among gay can be performed either through a common function or religious setting as there are different religious gatherings that help gay person marriage and permit same sex wedding services.

Same Facts about Homosexual Marriage

Marriage should be a union amongst man and lady. In any case, that is not the situation here. Throughout the years, more nations are gradually perceiving and authorizing a similar sex conjugal unions and notwithstanding giving advantages and equivalent get to like relational unions amongst man and lady. The accompanying demonstrates the distinctive gay marriage facts:

Acknowledgment of same sexual orientation marriage as a common right has turned into a political, good, social and religious issue among a great deal of nations. That is the reason the main laws permitting same sexual orientation unions were just authorized amid mid 2000.

Netherlands was the main nation to permit gay person marriage when same sex conjugal union bill was passed and turned into a law on April 1, 2001 with 3.6% of the aggregate number of relational unions ascribed to gay couples. In any case, the quantity of strange marriage dropped throughout the years with just 1,100 couples getting hitched on 2005.

As of April 2013, there were just twelve nations that legitimately perceive and permit same sex couples to wed – Argentina, Belgium, Uruguay, Canada, Sweden, Denmark, South Africa, Iceland, Spain, Netherlands, Portugal and Norway.

Albeit a few nations on the planet don’t permit execution of marriage among same sex couples, there are other legitimately perceived unions permitted, for example, common organization, common union or residential association. In spite of the fact that there is as yet a different status, this sort of union offers benefits and lawful outcomes of marriage in spite of the non-execution of the function.

By the American Psychological Association and American Psychiatric Association, the budgetary, physical and mental prosperity of couples of a similar sex are upgraded by marriage, in this manner making it helpful for kids to be raised by gay accomplices. Additionally considers even demonstrate that gay guardians are fit and competent as hetero guardians wherein the youngsters raised will be mentally solid and composed. The Roman Catholic Church is among the greatest religious division who contradicts and pledges unequivocally against same sex marriage.

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Finding Out Where All the Gay Men Are

One of the problems that a lot of guys have and are asking me about is where they can find other gay men — besides at the online personals sites.

Most of the guys that ask this question have one or more of the following characteristics:

1. They live in a smaller city, when compared to the BIG cities.

2. They’re usually not “Out” or they’ve only been out for a short while and don’t have many gay friends.

3. They think they’re the only gay person in their area.

Tune up your Gaydar, because regardless of your circumstances and regardless of where you live we’re going to take a look at some of the ways you can find out where all the gay men in your area hang out.

Now I do realize that it’s possible to live in a town where there’s next to no gay men around or at least none that are available. I have lived in some really small towns – three and four digit populations… So, you may have to take the occasional trip to your nearest large town in order to find any sizable gay population.

The first thing you need to do is take a good hard look at the city or town that you do live in. I had a boyfriend who claimed that there were no gay bars or gay organizations in his town. I couldn’t believe it because he lived in a University town and one of the Universities or Colleges had a major arts program…

Sure those aren’t proof that there’s got to be some gays out there, but my Gaydar says that those are indications that there’s going to be a few gays hanging around town. A quick flick through the local phone book confirmed my suspicions. Three gay bars, (one of them was a leather bar), a couple of gay book stores, the campus Pride Society – all in a “conservative mid-west state town”.

The phone book or Yellow Pages is a great resource. Whenever I’m traveling, one of the first things I do when I arrive or stop off in a city, is check out the phone book for gay book stores and gay bars.

Another resource that I’ve found invaluable is gay book stores. In addition to finding good reading material or a cute book store owner, employee or fellow gay bookworm, gay book stores often sell or give away “Pink Pages”. What are Pink Pages? They’re like the Yellow Pages, only geared towards the Gay and Lesbian community. Sometimes the Pink Pages are brochure sized, others are larger – booklet sized publications.

Speaking of the Pink Pages, there’s numerous Pink Pages on the web – many that are specific to certain cities or regions. Go to your favorite search engine, type in “Pink Pages” or try “Pink Pages and The City That You Live In”. (Skip the quotation marks.)

Two last points about gay book stores… Check out the inevitable bulletin board AND ask the clerk where the gay hot spots are. Also ask him about the special events, Pride festivals or social clubs and groups that happen and meet in your area.

Another place that you should check out is your local PFLAG chapter, (Parents, Family and Friends of Lesbians and Gays). In the U.S. pflag.org is the site to visit. You can find out where your local chapter is, find out more about gender identity and sexual orientation as well as some great tips on coming out. In Canada, pflag.ca is the site to go to.

Once you start doing a little research you’ll begin finding out about the places to go to. You’ll find that there are more opportunities than meet the eye – you may even find that there’s a much larger and vibrant gay community than you suspected. That’s when you’ll start meeting other gay men or at the very least the opportunity to meet them.

Does Islam Support the Burning of Homosexuals?

I read that a 2015 Moroccan magazine cover asked the question “Should homosexuals be burned?”

Is burning considered as a means of execution in 2015?

Here is the answer from a Question and Answer Islamic site: islamqa.info/en/38622

Below is the question asked on this website.

What is the punishment for homosexuality? Is there any differentiation between the one who does it and the one to whom it is done?.

Here is the answer from the site (not the entire article as it contained scholars meetings over the years on this topic.

The crime of homosexuality is one of the greatest of crimes, the worst of sins and the most abhorrent of deeds, and Allaah punished those who did it in a way that He did not punish other nations. It is indicative of violation of the fitrah, total misguidance, weak intellect and lack of religious commitment, and it is a sign of doom and deprivation of the mercy of Allaah. We ask Allaah to keep us safe and sound.

Are There Exceptions to Execution? (My question)

Here is the answer from the Site

1 – There is no hadd punishment if the one who has been sodomized is forced into it, such as if the one who did it overpowered him or threatened him with death or beating and the like. End quote.

2 – If the one to whom it was done is a minor and has not reached the age of puberty. There is no hadd punishment in this case, but he should be disciplined and punished in a way that will deter him from committing this crime, as stated above in the quotation from Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah.

Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) narrated in al-Mughni (9/62) that there is no difference of opinion among the scholars concerning the fact that the hadd punishment should not be carried out on one who is insane or a boy who has not yet reached the age of puberty.

And Allaah knows best.

End of Article.

My comment:

Unknown-6paula: I cannot see Allaah as a God of such hatred towards his creation. Like so many religions that were founded long ago, there is no room for scientific thought. World-wide bodies of psychologists and psychiatrists are in total agreement that homosexuality is a born orientation.

They state that homosexuality is NOT a disease, mental problem or perversion (as stated in the Quran and the Old Testament). Furthermore, they state that homosexuality CANNOT be reversed and therefore, it is NOT a choice.

Would a God punish people born homosexuality. It is my opinion that He/She would not. It is my opinion, as I read this site that the emphasis is on DEATH and ways of executing and NOT on LOVE. It is on judging people born homosexual. Has it never occurred to these bigots that homosexuality has been in existence since the dawn of civilization? Are they blind to the fact that homosexuality is in EVERY country? My God is a God of love.

Paula, 2015, stories4hotbloodedlesbians.com

Moroccan Magazine Cover: Should Gays Be Burned?

A magazine cover which asked “should gay people be burned” has been withdrawn. In view of the United Nations Charter of Rights and Freedoms – NO religion or culture has the right to take away basic human rights and these include sexual orientation. Extreme and hateful religious fanatics are portraying God as a God of wrath – instead of a God of love. These bigots use ancient texts and avoid scientific data. Paula.

A Magazine That Should Face a Law Suit?

The cover of Maroc Hebdo posed the question in response to the Moroccan Ministry of Health’s call for homosexuality to be decriminalised.

It also asked “What about moral and religious values?”

Within the magazine, which has now been withdrawn from sale, there were three articles – one which outline the situation for gay people in Morocco, an interview with pro-gay activist Abdellah Taia, and a piece by staff writer Mustapha Sehimi.

Staff Writer is Ignorant of Scientific Data

Sehimi writes: “Today, more than 70 states forbid homosexuality. In around ten of them, the sentence gay people risk death penalty.

“There is a public moral to preserve… religious values too… There is still a lot to do to strenghten human rights in Morocco so we don’t have to be misled into some dubious fight for such a marginal purpose as decriminalization of homosexuality.”

After the cover was published, many took to social media to point out that the photograph of two men featured on the magazine’s cover was actually taken at a gay-friendly hotel in Cancun.

Others simply took to Facebook to ask questions like: “Are you stupid”, and “Your covers are the worst.”

Others tweeted their distaste at the cover, calling it “criminal”, “irresponsible” and “shameful”.

In a statement Maroc Hebdo said: “Given the particularly strong reactions through social media, Morocco Hebdo decided to withdraw this issue from sale and its sites on the internet.

“It presents at the same time its apologies to all readers who were offended by this theme and it stresses it has no other requirement other than to continue to work for the expansion of a national debate on… the shape of society.”

Paula: What is there to debate? Human rights should trump any religion. The debate, since it will continue, should present the findings of most psychological and psychiatric associations world-wide. They write that homosexuality is not a disease, mental condition or PERVERSION (as stated by right wing religious zealots). They also state that homosexuality CANNOT be changed, therefore, it is NOT a choice.

If religions are to raise the soul towards heaven why do they persecute someone who is born a homosexual. This is NOT God-like. This is not loving God’s creation.

Paula, 2015, stories4hotbloodedlesbians.com

Dating & Living With an Older Gay Man

I sometimes get asked about what it’s like dating or living with an older gay man. I also get asked for tips and advice on how to deal with family and friends or how I dealt with my family and friends when they found out I was dating and in fact now living with a man 22 years older than myself.

I have actually written about many of these questions and problems in my other articles here as the articles are all based on my personal experiences of mainly dating older men, as well as my life living with one for seven years now.

However, a recent email inspired me to write some more on this subject and to try and address a few specific points that I may not have covered quite so clearly before.

One of the problems or hurdles that you will face if you are involved in a relationship with a gay man where there is a significant age gap is how others will perceive that relationship.

Another hurdle that you may face is how you think other people will perceive your relationship with an older or younger gay man.

In my own life, the later point is actually the one that gave me the most problems.

I actually gave myself more grief and worry about what other people might think than what actually happened and what these people actually do think about our relationship.

These days, I don’t worry about people thinking negatively about our relationship because in the first place it’s not theirs and in the second place most people are too busy with their own problems and relationships to really be too concerned.

I took me many years to get to this comfort point in my life; it wasn’t easy and I will admit that even to this day I sometimes have the occasional bit of anxiety.

How could I have made things easier on myself? That’s something that I sometimes think about and the answer that keeps repeating itself is that I should have come out to my parents a lot earlier than when I did.

But I was young and scared of what they might think or do and what my friends might think and do. As it turned out, I came out to my parents when I was older and at a pretty low point in my life, still scared of what everyone might say and do.

To make thing just a little more interesting and difficult, the day I came out was also the day that they officially found out that I was living with an older man who was the same age as they were.

Yes, they got a double whammy that day!

I broke the news awkwardly to my mum first. I don’t remember exactly what either of us said, it’s all a blur but it basically went something like this…

“Mum, you know how I’m renting a room from Ian and how I invite him to all our family get-togethers? Well he’s not really my landlord. He’s my lover and has been since I moved in with him”.

A short pause of silence greets this revelation and then my mum responds with, “It’s OK; I kind of figured that might be the case”.

After I left my parents place, my head still spinning at what I’d just done, I received a phone call from my Dad; “It’s OK son”, he said.

I was elated! Years of guilt started lifting from my shoulders.

I had begun the next phase of my life as a gay man of thirty something.

I honestly don’t know what I would have done had this opportunity presented itself when I was younger, and in my early twenties; or nineteen for that matter.

I do know that it was important to finally come out to my family and formally introduce the man who was my lover and partner.

I was quite literally getting sick from hiding in the closet and hiding a relationship that was extremely important to me, as Ian wasn’t just some guy that I was occasionally going out with. My entire life was and is to this day revolving around him – we’re partners.

Do we get strange looks or questions? Sure sometimes. But for the most part people are too busy to really concern themselves. For others that we meet it’s often a case of, “Oh well, that’s interesting, looks like it’s been good for both of you.” And still others are down right envious.

In any event, it matters not what they think; what matters is us and our happiness.

UK Sherlock Fans Call for Gay Relationship in Series

Fans of the popular BBC series Sherlock have been lobbying show creator Mark Gatiss to write a gay relationship between Sherlock and Watson into the plot.

Gatiss said he had been inundated with plotline ideas and even explicit drawings sugeesting a relationship between Sherlock played by Benedict Cumberbatch and Watson (Martin Freeman).

Gatiss told DNA that fans had been urging him to make the dynamic crime fighting duo a couple since injecting sexual innuendo into the plot of the previous series.

Gatiss told DNA: “Oh my God. I get sent things that would make your hair turn white. It’s not just Sherlock and Watson holding hands on a park bench, I can tell you that.

“Some of them are incredibly graphic but my goodness I’ve not tried half the things they’re doing.”

It’s not the first occasion that the great detective and his sidekick have been rumoured to be gay. In the 1970s Billy Wilder film, it was joked that Sherlock and Watson were a couple.

Gatiss said this is where he and co-creator Steven Moffat took their lead.

Nonetheless Gatiss said there are no plans at this stage to turn the pair into a couple.

A fourth series of Sherlock has been commissioned by the BBC and will air later this year. The BBC has also announced plans for a special feature length episode to begin filming in January 2015.