How to Talk to Your Bisexual Boyfriend

So you’ve just found out your boyfriend is bisexual. Now what?

Well that really depends on the matter you discovered his bisexuality. If he came out to candidly he probably needs a hug and a bit of moral support. If you caught him in bed with another guy (or a girl if you’re coming at this from the gay angle), then you probably are well within your rights to throw that Ming vase at him, call him every name under the sun and lock yourself in the bathroom crying.

Still whatever the circumstances, remember this, your boyfriend’s bisexuality is not a reflection on you. Its not caused by something you have or haven’t done, its not something you could have prevented. Its not your fault. In fact, it has nothing to do with you at all, its just the way he is. He can’t help being bisexual, and believe me at some point, most of us have tried not to be.

CASE A: Your boyfriend just came out to you as bisexual

So how do you talk to bisexual boyfriend after this bombshell?

First know that he still loves you, he probably told you this in his coming out speech, if he didn’t, he meant to. The last thing he wanted to do was make you feel inadequate, he was just trying to be honest about his feelings and you were important enough to him to be the person he chose to share his secret with.

Know that he’s probably been agonising over telling you for ages, and probably tried several times and lost his nerve, frightened that you wouldn’t understand and that you’d leave him if you found out. It takes an awful lot of courage to come out as a bisexual, especially for men who find themselves already in a relationship, so its no surprise that many bisexual men don’t come out at all. Its made even harder if you or your spouse have deeply held religious convictions.

So now that you appreciate just how hard it was for your boyfriend to tell you he was bisexual, you are probably a little better equipped to deal with it and offer a supportive response. The best thing you can do right now is be accepting of his sexuality. Don’t argue with him about it, don’t call him gay (or ‘a breeder’ if you previously thought he was exclusively gay), don’t suggest its just a phase, be accepting and say something supportive. You probably have a million questions, but take a moment to make him feel good about his decision to tell you.

What does it mean for your relationship?

Well this is a question you should ask, probably after pouring each other a stiff drink. The answer is different for every couple. Your bisexual boyfriend, almost certainly won’t want things between you and him to change, but he may ask you to accept him seeing other people, which may seem like a big change for you. He won’t see it as such a big deal, because he genuinely does still love you, he just wants to sleep with people of the opposite sex to you now and again.

Equally though he may not ask anything more of you than occasionally renting a gay porno rather than a straight one, who knows perhaps you’ll enjoy watching it together? Yes there are bisexual men who don’t need relationships with both genders on the go at the same time.

The truth is each couple is different, how you deal with it and renegotiate the boundaries of your relationship is entirely unique to you and your boyfriend. But there are some basic rules you follow.

Don’t agree to anything you are uncomfortable with.
Listen and consider each request.
Avoid saying “NO WAY” to something right away, offer to consider it and return with your decision.
Keep a dialogue open and come back and discuss things further.

Any agreements you make are renegotiable. If you decide you can’t handle something you though you could deal with a few weeks ago, come back and say so. But don’t blame or resent your bisexual boyfriend for taking you at your word in the meantime.

Finally remember you are in a very special relationship. Your boyfriend loved you enough to tell you he was bisexual, he was being honest with you and being honest with himself. You share a special bond of confidence and honesty that a lot of relationships lack. This revelation is a blessing as much as a curse.

CASE B: You caught your boyfriend in bed with someone else and found out he’s bisexual

Pretty much the same as Case A, only for some reason, he didn’t have the balls to tell you. He probably wanted to, but was too scared of how you’d react. You are probably more hurt that he didn’t feel able to tell you than you are by the deception, but ten to a penny he keeping this a secret because he didn’t want to risk losing you. Now realising his mistake he’s really sorry that he’s hurt you.

Take some time, don’t talk whilst angry, but do keep channels of communication open, come back and talk about things and remember your bisexual boyfriend loves you, he always has.

Bi The Way – 2008

5 Ways Bisexual Women Can Pursue Better Healthcare

Many individuals in the LGBT+ community face significant issues with regard to health care. For example, bisexual women face a high risk of physical and mental health problems and have a higher likelihood of experiencing violence and addiction. Discrimination is often experienced within the healthcare system. The bisexual community is fighting this, to spread education and make quality healthcare more accessible.

There are some general guidelines that may be helpful for bisexual women who are looking for quality health care. Read on to learn the five ways bisexual women can take care of their health, even while facing exceptional challenges.

Be aware of risks
Bisexual women are more likely to experience addiction, smoke, have depression and have suicidal thoughts and/or attempts, compared to other groups. Bi woman are also at a higher risk for cancer than heterosexual women or lesbians and less likely to get screening. Amy André, a co-author of Bisexual Health: An Introduction said, “Research shows that bisexuals experience more discrimination, violence, and stigma than gays and lesbians.” She believes that the fact that bisexuals have the worst health is directly linked to the violence, stigma and discrimination.

Seek quality health care
Unfortunately, it’s not possible to assume that every doctor is able to cater to the unique needs of LGBT+ patients. It is easier in urban areas, but still more difficult to find a provider that doesn’t group bisexual patients with gay or straight women. There is a list of providers in the Gay and Lesbian Medical Association directory and the Bisexual-Aware Professionals Directory. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect and compassion.

Be your own advocate
You’ll need to be more assertive at times because some doctors will ask questions that are heteronormative. If you find that the doctor assumes you are a sexuality that you aren’t, you may need to answer broadly. You’ll want to make sure that you’re giving proper information about your past and current partners, and your sexuality. Some women will find it more difficult if they live in a small community with few doctors. Push yourself as far as you feel comfortable and remember that you can request certain types of screening for your physical and mental health.

Know your financial barriers
According to LGBT+ MAP’s Unfair Price study, bi women are more than twice as likely to live in poverty than the general population, and 29% of LGBT+ women have trouble finding affordable health care, compared to 19% of heterosexual women. Women in rural areas may experience even more difficulty. It’s of vital importance to have access to affordable health care. This could mean a visit to a free clinic, Planned Parenthood or a doctor’s office that takes your health insurance.

Get the word out
Form a support system and be supportive to others in a similar position. Doing this not only positively affects your chances of receiving affordable health care, it improves your health.

Popular Misconceptions About Bisexuals

There are many harmful misconceptions out there regarding bisexuality.

These common assumptions exist in and outside of the LGBTI+ community. Bisexuality is real and it’s here to stay. Some of your friends might be bisexual (or you might be, of course) and won’t come out for fear of being judged harshly and incorrectly. It’s time that everyone is able to put these myths to rest.

Bisexuals are attracted to men and women equally

Everyone is different. Some who identify as bisexual might be attracted to one gender in a different way than they are to another and possibly much more. Others do not believe that gender matters at all when it comes to their attractions. It’s best to refer to the Kinsey scale to understand this more thoroughly. The Kinsey scale has sexual orientation displayed on a scale from 0 to 6. Zero means that a person is completely heterosexual and 6 means exclusively homosexual. We can each fit anywhere on that scale…and we won’t necessarily stay in the exact spot.

Bisexuals are in a phase before coming out as homosexual

It is possible that some lesbian and gay people came out as bisexual first, but that’s not the rule. It’s also true that some who identify as lesbian or gay end up coming out as bisexual. Sexuality can be fluid for some, just like a lot of things in life.

We’re all bisexual or we’re all not bisexual

Bisexuality is real. There are actually individuals who will be attracted to and have sex with both men and women for their entire lives. This is not everyone, though.

Bisexuals can’t have a partner of just one gender

It’s a common misconception that bisexual people will need to be involved with both genders to be sexually and emotionally fulfilled. There are many who are perfectly content having the partner they’re with at any given time and who want to be monogamous.

Bisexuals are just very promiscuous people…more than any other group

Just as with any other sexual orientation, there will be some people who are promiscuous and some who are extremely monogamous. Sexual orientation is not the deciding factor here, the individual makes the decision.

Lesbian and Bisexual Women’s Health

There is so much health information available online geared toward lesbian health. How does lesbian or bisexual health differ from that of heterosexual women? It doesn’t. Women who identify as lesbians and bisexuals are prone to the same sexually transmitted infections, urinary tract infections, and yeast infections as women who identify as heterosexual. That said, it is important to note that lesbian and bisexual women do face significantly different issues within health care, such as discrimination and uninformed medical practitioners.

As sexual orientation doesn’t affect a woman’s health, it is reasonable to then look into risk factors and common illnesses for women in general. The number one cause of death for women is heart disease. There are several risk factors that contribute to the likelihood of developing heart disease. While age, race, and genetics are not within your control, obesity and smoking are. Such lifestyle choices make a significant difference when it comes to long-term health, particularly in the prevention and treatment of heart disease.

The second most common cause of death amongst women is cancer of the breast, lung, colon, uterus, and ovaries. This is one case that research shows a significant increase in rates for lesbian or bisexual women. While research is still being conducted, it is believed that breast and ovarian cancers are related to hormone levels. It is thought that full-term pregnancies and breastfeeding release hormones that may protect women against such cancers. As lesbian and bisexual women are less likely to have a full-term pregnancy, they may be at greater risk of developing such cancers.

Of course, the greatest risk for all women is to delay check-ups and exams. It is most important to find a physician that you are comfortable meeting with regularly and speaking with openly. Women should go in for full examinations at least once a year – reach out to a medical provider and make an appointment today!

Biphobia is a Common Problem

Most people are familiar with the word “homophobia”. There are many terrible, damaging myths and stereotypes out there that remind us far too much about how common it is to hate and be ignorant. There is another form of phobia that is less spoken about and it’s fairly safe to say that many have never heard of it: It’s called “biphobia” and it comes from all parts of the human sexuality spectrum.

Not everyone who is biphobic is homophobic. There are those who believe bisexuals must be either straight or gay. It’s an unfair judgment that’s not only invalidating, but is effectively saying that those identifying as bisexuals are dishonest people. It causes them to be unjustly assessed–as if their supposed ‘lies’ stretch to other areas of their lives.

Examples of biphobic statements are:

Bisexuals are confused.
Bisexuals just want to have threesomes/kinky sex.
Bisexuality is a phase.
Bisexual women just want to get men “hot and bothered’.

Many bisexuals stay ‘in the closet’ due to attitudes from the LGBTI+ community and heterosexuals. They might try to pass as either gay or straight. Sadly, bisexuals are viewed as gay or lesbian when they’re with a same-sex partner and heterosexual when they have an opposite-sex partner. The attitude that bisexuality doesn’t exist is a dangerous one to hold.

Bisexuality is not an undecided sexuality or a phase. It’s not about being confused. If anything, it’s biphobia that’s making things complicated. Even if you’re not bisexual… When you hear someone engaging in biphobic behavior, stop them and let them know the truth. It’s best to be calm while doing this, of course…the message will be received more openly and taken more seriously that way.

If a loved one comes out to you, treat it seriously and with compassion. Don’t treat them as if they’re suddenly all about sex or they’re just experimenting. It took a lot of courage for them to come out. A little education and compassion goes a long way!

Pansexual is a more Accurate Label for Many

Most of the time, the LGBTI+ community focuses on lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and Intersex people in conversation, etc. Often, though, pansexuals are completely misidentified as bisexual. Are you confused at all? Well, maybe you are if you’re unfamiliar with the term.

A pansexual is a person who may be attracted to females, males, transgender people and non-binary individuals.

To them, biological sex (one’s physical gender at birth) and gender identity are not relevant as far as attraction goes. The prefix means “all” or “every” in Greek.

Just like bisexuality, pansexuality is often dismissed as being a greedy or indecisive. This is not true, though. A pansexual is open to loving the person, no matter their sexuality or gender identification. As bisexuals are attracted to two sexes based on gender, pansexuals are effectively blind to gender and are attracted to others for reasons beyond it, such as emotions, personality and ideals. This is not to say that everyone else doesn’t find different qualities important, but pansexuals have a wider range of people with whom they may become attracted.

The term ‘pansexuality’ first came into use in the mid 90’s, but hasn’t been significantly searched for (on Google, for example) until about five years ago. This might be due to more recent generations being more in touch with themselves.

It can be difficult for pansexuals to know how to clearly define themselves. Some may choose ‘queer’ as a term that seems more inclusive, but it’s not exactly descriptive. It can be helpful if a celebrity decides to come out, but are they really practicing their assertion that they’re attracted to personality and not gender? It seems to be a more politically correct thing to say these days, but it’s damaging if it’s untrue. There are actually people (pansexuals) who feel this way. So, if a pansexual celebrity comes out as such, that’s great–if it’s true and not a publicity tactic.

Many pansexuals know how they differ from bisexuals; this can be a sore subject. It doesn’t seem appropriate for them to identify as bisexual when that means only including cisgender people. Rapper, Angel Haze (who has dated model Ireland Baldwin) says that for her: “love is boundary-less. If you can make me feel, if you can make me laugh… then I can be with you. I don’t care if you’re a hermaphrodite or whatever.” She says, “I’m not gay, I’m not straight, I’m not bisexual – I don’t care,” she says. “At the end of the day, I just want someone to connect with.”

Bisexual Women Have Higher Rates of Depression

Studies that survey the psychological health of lesbian, bisexual, and gay individuals have for years indicated that members of the LGB community struggle more with mental health issues such as depression, suicidality, alcoholism, and cigarette smoking.

Experts on psychological health accept that gay and bisexual individuals are not more impulsive than heterosexuals are. The reason for the high incidence of mental illness in LGB people is that simply having a sexual identity that is considered idiosyncratic places abnormal pressures on LGB people.

Gay and bisexual people may feel less of a sense of community, and the pressure to conform to gender roles may also contribute to the higher incidence of depression. Most surveys that have been done on psychological well-being and “outness” in the LGB community has shown that women, and in particular bisexual women, are more likely to have thoughts of suicide or chronic depression. The preponderance of the data suggests that women that have “come out of the closet” are actually less distressed and much less likely to struggle with thoughts of suicide than women that choose to keep their sexual orientation a secret. But the reasons for why bisexual women are far more likely than those of homosexual orientation to struggle with depression are unclear.

According to an article in the Desert Sun, bisexual women suffer from anxiety and depression at rates of 58.7% and 57.8%, which is more than 10% higher than the prevalence of these psychological issues reported by lesbians. The explanation for these numbers is that bisexual women feel less social support, but the article states that surveys of LGB members in California show that 75.3% of individuals surveyed feel that they have the necessary support. So what is responsible for the high rates of depression in bisexuals? It is not hard to fathom that bisexual women face stigmatization more often.

Gender roles are hard to escape, and while our society is becoming more understanding of homosexual relationships it is still difficult for women to express sexuality the way that men do.

Women are under more pressure to be chaste even in today’s world where media and popular culture frequently glorify gratuitous sex. Rather than liberate non-heterosexuals, our cultural ideals probably contribute more to confusion regarding the identity of bisexual women who are often mistaken for being promiscuous. Victimization by partners and peers is also a likely factor in the rate of depression in bisexual women, although there is little to indicate that bisexual women experience victimization more often than other members of the LGB community.

The fear of seeming indecisive or abnormal in a society where women are encouraged to provide stability at home and the ineptitude of our culture to grasp how a woman can have male and female partners without being promiscuous or “risky” is more to blame.

Bisexual women must seek ways of strengthening their identity and liberating themselves from the cultural misconstructions of female sexuality. The stigma that is felt by the LGB community is an ongoing quandary, and like all members of the LGB community bisexual women should acknowledge that their distress is a natural and warranted reaction to the pressure they are under to change.

2015

Maddie Hasson Has Come Out as Bisexual

The ‘Impulse’ star – who tied the knot with her composer husband Julian Brink in 2015 – opened up about her sexuality on social media when asked to share a “photo with gay/bi vibes” by one of her followers.

Responding to the question on her Instagram Story, she replied: “Hi, I’m bi and proud!”

Meanwhile, the ‘Twisted’ actress recently spoke about the challenges of playing the role of Henrietta ‘Henry’ Coles, “who internalises a lot of her emotions”, in the YouTube Originals drama series ‘Impulse’.

The teen possesses the ability to teleport, but has no control over her destination.

The 26-year-old star said last month of her alter ego: “Yeah, it’s definitely interesting to play somebody who internalises a lot of her emotions because I think there’s a tendency when you’re creating a story, to want to see some of those beats externalised. It’s easy to want to go in that direction, but that would go against the character. So, it’s hard finding a balance of getting what we need to tell the story while also staying true to who she is and the reality of her, as a person.”

Maddie will next be seen in James Wan’s upcoming horror flick, ‘Malignant’, which is slated for release by Warner Bros. in 2021.

The motion picture was due to be released in 2020, but was delayed due to the coronavirus pandemic.

Subsequently, the film will now stream simultaneously on HBO Max for a limited period.

What is Bisexuality?

Bisexuality is often defined as having an interest in or romantic feelings towards people of both sexes.

Thus, a bisexual man will be attractive to men as well as women. A bisexual woman will be attracted to men as well as women.

Men and women who say they are bisexual love men and women at the same time or at different times in their lives. As opposed to a black and white vision that opposes two completely separate worlds (heterosexuality and homosexuality), bisexuality brings together a wide variety of situations between the two. The word “bisexuality” used in its present sense by doctors and psychologists at the end of the 19th century is quite new.

Conversely, what we now consider “bisexuality” was common in some ancient civilizations or cultures where there was limited contact with the Western world. For some scholars of sexuality (Sigmund Freud, Alfred Kinsey) people are bisexual and it is the society that determines the “norm” or possible. Identifying yourself as “bisexual” is more common during adolescence than at other ages. Some people quickly realize that this is a stage for gays who are not yet “compromised”. Others see this as a sign of snobbery among some heterosexuals. Fortunately, bisexuals are increasingly being accepted for who they are in their diversity. And you meet bisexuals of all ages.

Bisexual people are more reluctant than anyone else to label their experiences. This is also found in characters in novels that can be described as such “in spite of themselves”, such as Balthazar in Cédric Érard’s book, Jai no sleep, or Elio in Later or Never.

Women and Bisexuality

Bisexuality has different meanings for different people. Bisexuality can be defined as the potential of a person to be attracted physically, emotionally and/or sexually to people regardless of their gender. In its simplest form, bisexuality is the attraction of a person to men and women. More complex forms may include attractions to transgendered people for example, a married woman makes love to her husband while he crossdresses as a woman or a lesbian is in a relationship with a male identified pre-operative female to male transsexual.

More women than you think harbor bisexual feelings, dreams and fantasies. Many keep them at that level. Others express them through close emotional but non-sexual friendships. Still other women rejoice in their bisexuality, whether out publicly or privately, in social or political settings, in their relationships or just through sex. Some women discover their bisexuality at an early age while others find it emerges over time as one becomes aware of and open to life’s possibilities. Some women, as do some men, try to ignore or suppress their feelings and deny whom they really are. They may choose to call themselves straight or lesbian to fit the expectations of others or their own need to belong. One should strive to be true to one’s self first through accepting one’s feelings and accepting others.This can lead to more open, honest, caring and fulfilling relationships and an inner peace and happiness.

Some people falsely believe that bisexuality is about swinging with other couples or singles of both genders. The truth is that bisexuality is about whom you are, not whom you are with. That aside, most bisexual people tend to be attracted to one gender more or less than the other. The degree of attraction towards one or the other can also change over time, even from week to week. Many bisexual people live their lives in monogamous relationships, committed to one partner but aware of their attractions towards other men and women. Others may have serial monogamous relationships or live in triads or group relationships or have a primary relationship and secondary partners. Many now turn to bisexual support and social groups for friendships.

Why not !!! Choosing a Bisexual identity to describe yourself is as valid as any other person who chooses a Gay, Lesbian, Queer or Straight identity. Whatever identity a person chooses, it should be their choice and not forced upon them by others, society or subjected to criticism, harassment or discrimination by others. Our sexual identity is only one of many identities we have: student, wife, mother, business woman, activist, poet, greenie, Aboriginal, Chinese, Australian, black, white, working class, feminist, lover, etc.

Some women choose bisexual labels that identify themselves further such as Straight-Identified Bisexual, or Lesbian-Identified Bisexual, Bisexual Queer, Bisexual Lesbian or Bisexual Dyke. Just “Bi” is often used. Being Bisexual is about being in touch with your feelings rather than whom you’re having sex with. It is about not limiting your options to one gender.

Your sexual identity can be a very private thing or a very public thing. It might be used in a very sexual way or a very political way. You may use it to describe the way you feel or the way you behave or the type of relationships you have. The way you express your bisexuality must ultimately be your choice for happiness.

“In dealing with such issues (husband’s bisexuality) I have examined my own sexuality. I have had to admit to myself that I too could be bi-sexual. I have acknowledged to myself that if I was looking for a partner again, I might not limit potential choices to just men. I have shared this with a few people close to me (including Peter). I have to thank Peter for providing a framework to explore this issue without a lot of negativity or guilt. I ponder why sexual orientation can change during a person’s lifetime. I have also begun to question how much of an individual’s sexual orientation is due to socialisation and how much much is biological. Perhaps a lot more people who regard themselves as gay/lesbian or heterosexual, are in fact bi-sexual.”

From “My Journey” by Octavia Filbert, 1995.

Women, HIV/AIDS and Sexual Health

Women are not immune to sexually transmitted diseases including the Human Immuno-deficiency Virus (HIV). World wide, it was estimated that the number of women with HIV and AIDS will surpass the number of men by the year 2000. In the USA, AIDS is the leading killer of young women while in Australia, the number of new HIV infections in women is slowly on the rise. The rate of HIV infection in parts of Central Europe, Africa, Central & South America, India and South East Asia is still increasing.

HIV is found in the vaginal secretions, in blood, semen (cum), in breast milk, in the secretions inside the arse (rectum) of infected people. Unprotected sex can transmit HIV and diseases such as gonorrhea, syphilis, herpes, genital warts and hepatitis B from an infected person to an uninfected woman or man. A woman can transmit these diseases to another woman through infected vaginal and anal secretions or blood via fingers, fists, sex toys or on the penis of a mutual male partner.

The use of disposable gloves and condoms can reduce the risk of infection. Use condoms and a water based lubricant when having intercourse with men. While the risk of HIV infection through oral sex is low, it has occured and other sexually transmitted diseases can be transmitted during oral-vaginal, oral-anal or oral-penile sex. The use of a barrier such as a dental dam or condom can be used. HIV and some other infections can be transmitted from mother to baby in the womb, during birth or may occur during breast feeding. The sharing of needles to inject drugs or medication can transmit HIV, Hepatitis B and C and syphilis so always use clean needles and syringes and never share them. Genital wart infections have been linked to cancer of the cervix and sexually active women should have regular pap smear screening and women over 40 should have regular breast and pap smear screening. Vaccinations for Hepatitis A and B are available from sexual health clinics or your doctor.

Be wise, be safe.

Presented by the Australian Bisexual Network – 2013

Health Concerns Faced By Bisexuals

Bisexuality is often misunderstood or not taken seriously. Discrimination exists within the LGBT community and from heterosexuals. A bisexual person might be viewed as someone who can’t make up their mind about their true sexuality or as someone who is promiscuous, having little or no sexual boundaries. More than half of the 3.5 percent of adults in the U.S. who identify as lesbian, gay or bisexual are, in fact, bisexual. They face unique health concerns that deserve our attention.

Some health concerns faced by bisexuals:

Substance abuse – According to research, bisexual women have higher rates of drug use than heterosexual women and close to or possibly higher rates than lesbians. The differences between bisexual and gay men have not been clear in studies.
Alcohol use – Bisexual women have reported higher rates of alcohol use, abuse and alcohol related problems compared to lesbians and heterosexual women.
Sexual health – Bisexual women have reported riskier behavior with sex, compared to heterosexual and lesbian women. Part of this risk comes from the highest rate reported of combining substance/alcohol use and sexual activity. Bisexual men who have sex with men have an increased risk of HIV infection.
Tobacco use – Bisexual women smoke at higher rates than heterosexual women, but about the same as lesbians. Less is known about bisexual men’s smoking habits.
Cancer – Bisexual women have reported higher rates of cancer. Some risk factors are: not having given birth (also relevant to a higher rate of lesbians), or being more likely to give birth after age 30, and alcohol consumption. Also, bisexual women receive mammograms and pap tests at the lowest rates. Men or women who receive anal sex are at a higher risk for anal cancer because of an increased rate of HPV infection.
Nutrition/fitness/weight – Bisexual and lesbian women have higher rates of obesity than heterosexual women and more bisexual women are underweight than heterosexual women or lesbians, which would indicate they might be more likely to struggle with healthy eating. Attempts to achieve perfect bodies, due to pressure, have left some gay and bisexual men with adverse health consequences. They might compulsively exercise, use steroids or develop eating disorders due to a poor body image.
Heart disease – Higher rates of heart disease have been reported by bisexual women compared to heterosexual women.
Depression/anxiety – Bisexual men and women have reported higher levels of anxiety and depression than heterosexuals and sometimes higher than gay men and lesbians. The issues are likely to be more severe for those who lack social support and those who are unable or unwilling to disclose their sexuality.
Social support/emotional well-being – Bisexual women have reported the lowest levels of social support. Bisexual men and women have the lowest emotional well-being of any sexual orientation group.
Self-harm/suicide attempts – Bisexual women and men have reported higher levels of suicide attempts, self-harm and suicidal thoughts than heterosexuals and higher than gay men and lesbians in some studies.

Dr. M. Mirza, lgbt health wellness .com – 2015

Gay and Bisexual Men and HIV Risk

Should the Education System Feel Responsible?

The discussion of homophobia and the actual risk of HIV to the population is always a heated debate, but it becomes a muddier and more frustrating topic when words like “men who have sex with men” (MSM) and “bisexual” are used—and these words are used frequently in studies conducted by the Center for Disease control on AIDs and HIV. The statistics on diagnoses of HIV in 2010 indicate that gay, bisexual, or MSM men whom comprise about 2% of the population account for about 63% of diagnoses in the United States. But the word “about” is the confusing part. It is not exactly clear how many of these men are straight men that have engaged in homosexual acts, and perhaps one might wonder if these men are admitting to homosexual behavior because they are seeking treatment for HIV. Are we certain these men were included in the estimated 2%? Most new diagnoses of HIV occur in young men between 13-24 years of age… they comprised a jaw-dropping 72% of the gay and bisexual men diagnosed with HIV in 2010. Of these individuals, an incredibly large percent of them are African American male youth from disadvantaged backgrounds. Their reported sexual orientation is not the reason that they have contracted the disease, but rather a lack of sexual education and resources for gay men and youths is to blame.

HIV is not a consequence of homosexual behavior, but a consequence of risky sexual behavior (and in some cases drug use). Is that what men who have sex with men are doing, inflating the CDC’s estimates of homosexuals and bisexuals with HIV? Perhaps, but not because MSM are given to more wanton sexual behavior. This term can describe a situation where a man is sexually attracted to another man for any number of reasons but still identifies as straight. He isn’t bisexual because he doesn’t judge himself to be bisexual, and from a positive psychological perspective of identity this is what matters. He may think he is only capable of committing to a woman in a romantic way, or he may not feel equally attracted to both sexes, but either way he is not homophobic and in denial of his identity. In all probability these men have diverse sexual habits because of the broad category of relationships it can describe.

Obviously some high-risk sexual behaviors, particularly those occurring between men under the influence of drugs or alcohol, are being thrown into this category of men who have sex with men. These encounters would probably not meet most standards for “romantic” behaviors between men, and it is horribly unfair that they are counted among the estimates for new diagnoses of HIV in gay and bisexual men. The rampant homophobic attitudes that prevent awareness campaigns and resources from being accessed in some communities would like us to think that all gay men are having random encounters. The bitter irony is that this fear-mongering promotes carelessness, especially in younger people who need to be educated on what exactly “high-risk sexual behavior” is.

It’s an unsavory topic, but teenagers are having sex. The academic world has come a long way in its attitude towards homosexuality recently by including LGBT alliance and awareness groups in schools, but we need to take a more aggressive attitude towards sexual education in schools. Sexual education needs to be taught in every classroom, and the earlier that teens get it the better off they are. The LGBT community is not taking up enough time in classroom discussions of sexuality. The education system cannot tiptoe around topics like “men who have sex with men” and “homosexuality”. There is no end to the number of mistakes a teenager can make without appropriate guidance from the education system. We were all there once… we have to be honest with ourselves. Blaming stupidity and thinking that the actions of wayward teens don’t affect us is our right, but the astoundingly high numbers of new HIV diagnoses portray the denial of these youths by our culture—they are parallel minds that we just won’t accept responsibility for. Rather than scapegoating the underprivileged communities that raise them, efforts to raise LGBT awareness need to expand beyond home. Community effort needs to mean national effort and then global effort. Bridging the gap between LGBT communities and underprivileged communities created by HIV is the key to fighting this epidemic. If there is anything you can do, don’t hesitate.

MSM, Gay, and Bisexual Men and HIV Risk: Should the Education System Feel Responsible?
Dr. M. Mirza – lgbt health wellness .com – 2014

Tips to Help Gay & Bisexual Men About Dating & Relationships

10 Tips to Help Gay and Bisexual Men Make Better Choices About Dating and Relationships

“Check in” with yourself to understand what’s behind your motivation for dating or being in a relationship. How much are you affected by others’ opinions of you based on whether you’re single? Do you feel more alive when you’re involved with another guy? Are you genuinely attracted to this guy? Are you reacting to feeling lonely or rejected?

Identify what kinds of experiences have been satisfying when dating or being in a relationship in the past… and what has left you wanting something else. How you’ve felt about past experiences can direct you to what will work for you in the future.

Get in touch with what you value, what you need and what you desire in another guy and in a relationship. Without this awareness, you may well make choices that don’t satisfy what’s really important to you. This is your life… follow your bliss!

Recognize that dating or being in a relationship makes demands on you – and not only time, effort and sacrifice – it demands that you reveal who you are to another guy. It’s important to know how prepared you are to do this at this time in your life.

Timing is (almost!) everything… are you really ready to date or be in a relationship? Or are difficult life circumstances – dealing with significant health changes, substance use, experiencing oppression, grief over a loss, etc. – stressing your ability to handle the additional challenges of connecting with another guy?

Be aware of the power balance between you and the other guy. If you feel you have little power, how will you be able to negotiate what you need or desire? If you feel you have most of the power in a relationship (not an easy thing to recognize!), will you be able to really hear what the other guy wants or desires?

People change over time… and so do relationships… particularly in the early stages of getting to know someone. It’s important to be prepared for the natural evolution of relationships — and the first step towards this is to accept that change is inevitable.

Before you begin to date or start a relationship, make sure friends and family are there for support – you’ll appreciate them helping you celebrate the highs and deal with the lows!

Recognize you have a choice in saying “yes” or “no” in any situation – and that choosing to be single is a choice.

Be prepared for the feeling that dating or being in a relationship is not always easy! Many dates do not lead to an ongoing relationship and most relationships you’re in will not be the “final one” (if this was true, we would all still be in our 1 st relationship!)

Are You Lesbian or Bisexual?

Sexuality is full of labels, the most prominent being straight or gay. As a society we love to live in boxes or to be labeled so that we feel part of some kind of group; it helps us to become comfortable with our way of life. At some point in your existence you will find yourself thinking, “Oh I like women, therefore I must be a lesbian” or “Oh no, I like men, therefore I am heterosexual”. This is called determining your sexuality.

But what happens if you have a burning sexual attraction for both men and women?

Is this just a phase you are going through, or do you fit into the box labeled bisexual?

Being bisexual basically means that you are attracted to, and would engage in sexual activity with, both male and female partners. Bisexuals are probably the most misunderstood people in society. Lesbians and gays find it just as hard to accept as straight people that there are human beings that exist on this earth that are sexually attracted to both men and women. Bisexuals often get taunted for being the lazy sexuality, people that can’t make up their minds, or people that just won’t commit. In reality, bisexual people are those of us that can fall in love with a man, or a woman, and couldn’t care less what sex they are and what type of genitals they have. They recognize the inner being rather than the outer core.

Lesbian Or Bisexual?

We all go through a period of discovering our sexual identity. This can be during puberty, or it can take place much later on in life – especially if someone has kept their true sexuality under wraps for decades because they were afraid of rejection. It can be incredibly hard to come to terms with the fact that you are sexually attracted to women, but people who are confused about their sexuality struggle even more when they can’t determine whether they like men or women more.

If you find that you can relate to this dilemma then it sounds like you are trying to determine whether you are a lesbian or a bisexual. Before anything else, start by answering the five questions below with a simple YES or NO answer.

1. Do you find both men and women attractive?
2. Is it the person rather than the gender that attracts you to people?
3. Can you be sexually aroused by both men and women?
4. Do you find yourself fantasizing about sex with both men and women?
5. Do you enjoy sex with both men and women (if you have had sex with both sexes)?

If your answer to all of these questions is yes, then you could be bisexual; ‘could’ being the operative word in this sentence. The truth is that there is no steadfast rule, or description, that you can match yourself against to say whether you are leaning towards lesbianism or bisexuality. The answer lies in the test of time. You just have to go with the flow, allow yourself to gain sexual experience, and decide for yourself. Don’t allow yourself to be labeled straight, or gay, by society just because that’s the way most people like to live. If, at this present moment in time, you want to have sex with both men and women then you should allow yourself to do so.

Then, in time, you will be able to decide for yourself whether bisexuality is your true path, or you were actually a lesbian all along but you were frightened to let go of the apron strings of heterosexuality. At the end of the day the label doesn’t matter; it’s what’s on the inside that counts. Straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual; they are all just words that put groups of people in boxes. Maybe bisexuals break the mould, but if you love men and women then who are we to argue!

Why do Lesbians Hate Bisexuals?

Are you a Gold Star Lesbian? What do you mean you don’t know what one is? It’s a lesbian who’s never slept with a man, of course. Gold stars for the pure, no stars for the contaminated but repentant, and as for those greedy bisexuals… Well, what about those bisexuals? Those betraying, confused, promiscuous, untrustworthy fence-sitters that crept into the jolly LGBT acronym but will never know how it feels to be truly oppressed.

What a joke. Bi folk get it twice of course – as well as straightforward homophobia, they also have to face biphobia from both the straight and gay community.

But what, exactly, is biphobia? Cheryl Dobinson from bi zine The Fence describes it simply as “any type of discrimination, oppression or prejudice that is directed at or specifically affects bisexual people.” The ‘hilarious’ Gold Star Lesbian label, for example. And if it’s not prejudice masquerading as humour, it’s prejudice wrapped in ignorance.

“There’s this presumption that bisexuality is a transient phase that you dip in and out of,” explains Leeds student Laura Nieurzyla. “Like the time my mum asked me if I was ‘still’ bisexual because I was currently involved with a man, or when my gay friend seriously asked me if I would identify as gay if my next relationship was with a woman. It isn’t meant nastily, but can still get a bit tedious.”

So let’s set some bi myths uh, straight. Yes, some people genuinely do feel attraction to both men and women. No, it’s not a phase, or greed, or indecision. No, they don’t all need to have a boyfriend and a girlfriend at the same time. Yes, they are just as faithful as anyone else. No, you’re not likely to catch more diseases from them, because no, they’re not any more likely to be promiscuous.

And the greatest myth of all? That there just aren’t many bisexual women around. Actually, in a recent US study, two-thirds of self-defined lesbians reported feelings of attraction to men. Yikes.

Bisexual Lesbians

The study published in Explaining Diversity in the Development of Same-Sex Sexuality Among Young Women by Lisa M. Diamond and Ritch C. Savin-Williams involved interviewing 100 women over two years. The scientists found that two thirds of the 34 women who identified as lesbian reported periodic attractions to men.

One study is interesting but not terribly statistically significant; however, it’s not the only report to find that self-identified lesbians sometimes feel attraction to men. A separate paper published in 1994, for example, found that of the 4.4% of American women who reported experiencing same-sex attraction, 94% were also attracted to men.

So if lesbians are sometimes attracted to men, does it follow that straight women are sometimes attracted to other women? Yes. In fact possibly as many as 84% of heterosexual women experience same-sex attraction. However, as Lisa Diamond notes, “A reliable answer to this question is elusive, given the stigma that prevents heterosexual women from readily acknowledging same-sex attractions.”

But back up. What does this all mean? How can 66% of lesbians – let alone 95% – be attracted to men? That would make them bisexual for a start, not lesbian, surely? Well, no actually.

Lesbian Subculture

‘Lesbian’ means so much more than just being attracted to people of the same gender as yourself. It’s a subculture. You might not like everything or everyone that shares your subculture, but there is still an underlying solidarity and strength to it that we are all part of. Being a lesbian means knowing that there are bars, towns, TV programmes and haircuts that are yours. Yes they might be crap, but they’re yours. They’re ours. So is it so difficult to understand why so many lesbians are unwilling to give all this up, just because they sometimes fancy men?

“I don’t think I would ever tell my mates I sometimes fancy blokes,” explains a woman in her twenties who has asked not to be named. “I know they’d think I was ‘letting down the side’ and I’m scared I’d lose them.”

“I think that the idea of bisexuality can be very threatening and challenging to lesbians,” adds Cheryl. “Some lesbians feel that bisexual women are traitors or betrayers because we can love women, but can also ‘sleep with the enemy.’”

Lesbianism as a political rather than an emotional or social act definitely gives a new slant to some lesbians’ feelings about bisexuality. As Cheryl explains, “there can be concerns about the political implications [of bisexuality], with some lesbians seeing bisexuals as blurring boundaries/muddying the waters and potentially weakening the queer political cause. I’ve heard this called something like ‘diluting’ the movement.

“Oh, and a favorite [stereotype] of mine is the idea that bisexual women could be lesbians if only we were stronger or more politically aware or what-have-you. Sort of assuming that we need to have our consciousnesses raised kind of thing, or that we’re ‘weak’ lesbians.”

Getting Over It

Much as homophobia is often an indication of latent homosexual desire, perhaps gay and straight people are sometimes biphobic because they haven’t dealt with their own bisexual desires, and the thought of getting with a guy/girl both attracts and repels them.

But how can we overcome our internalized biphobia without losing our lesbian cultural identity? The answer might be to stop thinking so rigidly about sexuality. Several social scientists point to the concept of a ‘lesbian continuum’ as a better way of interpreting female sexuality than the strict boundaries of gay, bi or straight, a theory that has been absorbed by some LGBT people under the umbrella term queer.

Regardless of whether you believe that you might be a teeny bit attracted to men yourself, or whether the idea appalls your sense of what it is to be a lesbian, the fact remains that there are plenty of women out there who identify as bisexual, and experiencing biphobia is having a negative effect on their health.

Cheryl is a queer health researcher as well as a zine writer. “I can tell you that on many mental health measures – depression, anxiety, self-harm, suicidality – research shows that bisexual people tend to report higher rates than both straight and gay people,” she says.

“I think that the reasons are primarily related to biphobia, and that we should all be aware of this and be concerned about the damage that biphobia can have.” In other words, no it’s not ‘harmless fun’. And please, no more with the lame Gold Star jibes.

This article was published in April 2008 at lesbilicious.co.uk